Month: February 2019

Faith

I have control issues.

Sam

There are two things that I have always said keep me from having a better relationship with God: control and not realizing how powerful God is. You might be thinking- wow! only two things?! This person has it together! Or maybe you are a rock star Christian and you are already scrolling to the comment section to provide me with the perfect Bible versus. Whichever camp you are in, hear me out here as I try to dive into one of my major struggles..

Relax, nothing is under control- unknown

I think that a majority of our worldly struggles come in the form of control. Either we thrive off it, we give it to someone who doesn’t deserve it (our kids, our spouse, social media, etc.), or better yet we don’t give it to who actually should have it.


Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Philippians 4:6

I basically have all these control issues. All of them.

Have you ever made a to-do list for your to-do list? No? Well, how about put things on your list just to be able to cross it off? Or the thoughts “if I just try a little harder”, “if I just could get my husband to clean up after himself a little”, or “if I can just get the kids to listen”. Maybe it comes out like this: if I can just power my way through this hard part of my life- it will all be OK.

I have a thought every other day (or every other hour) that starts with the word I when it comes to whatever part of my life that’s hit a rough patch. I put a lot of power into what I can do in a situation.

I thrive off control. I really do. When I feel in control of a situation life is a little better. When I tell my kids what to do and they do it, I feel powerful. When I get to sit at my desk at work and accomplish my to-do list in an orderly fashion the world is amazing! My husband, who is truly a gift from God, is great about giving into my control. He knows it means more to me than him, so he lets go of the things he can’t control. I mean who wouldn’t like to feel in control of what happens to them?

But do you know what the issue of thriving off control (or back in my un-Christian like days I liked to call a Type-A personality) creates? It means that when I am not in control the world is terrible. When my kids have been told to get buckled in the car 14 times and instead are looking for a lost toy under the seat, or my husband remembers the 3 things he was supposed to do right before we leave the house (like take the trash out) and makes us late, or work is a hot mess of fires to put out- so much so that I can’t even do my daily tasks……well… I feel out of control. When I feel out of control I yell, I become bitter, I am not the wife, mom, or friend I know I was designed to be.

Or how about a worst case scenario. Something truly terrible happens. Like a child’s sickness, a close family member or friend’s death, or someone who you trusted takes advantage of that trust. What is your reaction when you can’t control a situation like that? It breaks you. And if it doesn’t break you- you are constantly looking for the part in the situation that you can control. Now don’t get me wrong- looking for the parts you can control is a great coping mechanism and is a needed life skill. What I am talking about is how needing control can control you.

I don’t want this yo-yo of back and forth emotions where one minute I am happy because I am in control and the next I am not. I don’t want my happiness to depend on other people either, like when my kids are good (and I use this term lightly) then I feel like a good mom or if my marriage is not doing the best then that must mean I am a failure. I want to be a naturally happy person.

So how do you become happy? Although, there are so many examples I can give you, I choose to leave you with this: Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth (Matthew 5:5).

God wants you to be happy. He has filled pages upon pages of words with encouragement and instruction of how to do so. In Matthew he even writes us a to-do list (control freaks rejoice!) One way of obtaining that happiness is to become meek, or submissive. Simply put: you give it to God.

I challenge you to give up your fear, your control issues, any and all crosses you bear and follow Him. I can’t speak for you, but I know I am happier because of it.

 

 

Farmhouse

What does it cost to build?

Sam

So how much does it cost to build a house? That was the first thing I googled when we decided to build. Then I googled mortgage calculators on what we could afford. Then googled how to sell a kidney to afford the house we wanted.

Since then, google and I are on a first name basis especially with all things building. If I was a professional at anything (other than my actual day job as an accountant) it would be “looking up stuff on the internet”. I am serious. I don’t have the time to watch a movie or the newest Netflix documentary, so I’ve developed the wonderful skill of heading over to Wikipedia and reading the plot so I can stay relevant when I go to the lunch room.

Based off my “research” (I use that term lightly) and then actual 1st hand experience of building a house I can tell you two certainties about the costs to build:

  1. It depends.
  2. It’s expensive.

It depends.

If you’ve heard it once, you’ve heard it a billion times. I’m going to get to actual numbers on my build, but that’s all they are. Actual numbers for my house. So when looking at my budget don’t take it as gospel. Keep in mind the specs of my house (the square foot amount, certain structural elements, finish grades, etc.) and keep in mind the location. Pretty positive that being able to buy 8 acres for less than $40K is on the lower end of the land price spectrum. So just so those in the back can hear: your tastes and where you want to live are going to determine your cost.

It’s expensive.

I don’t care what you’ve read about cutting your own timber, you and your spouse putting ALL the sweat equity in, and being able to find the most amazing deals. It’s all relative. What I mean by that is that just because you saved $1,000 on your perfect farmhouse sink……. that is just a $1,000. Concrete for your basement or other type of foundation isn’t free and if you find a deal on it I 100% believe there is a catch.

Also, you will go over budget. That is a fact. Now, you can choose to go over budget or not, cut budgets elsewhere to cover you going over budget, or if you are a billionaire I guess you could just not compromise on anything. I don’t fall into that last category so on our build I am constantly saving money in one area to cover costs in another area. Every time I turn around to buy something for the house it is at least $1,000. Five exterior farmhouse lights- $1,000. Toilets- $1,000. Again, I’ve gotten some major deals on fixtures and things but it still adds up.

Ugh. One last thing about the cost to build that I think should be mentioned is having cash helps. Bless my own Dad’s soul, he has let us live in his house with him for a year now. In the meantime (plus with the sale of our last house) we were able to secure some serious cash. Which is a good thing. Most banks are going to want 10% to 20% down in cash on a construction loan. This isn’t 10% of what you think you’ll spend by doing the work yourself or getting awesome deals- it’s 10% what the appraised value of the house you are going to build is. So although at the end of the day I will only have a little over $300K in a loan, my house and land were appraised to build at $425K. So we needed between $40K to $85K in cash just to get the loan, plus closing costs (which for us were about $6K).

Cash also helps you be able to snag deals when you see them. You can “float” yourself money until the next draw happens. Or if you are really dedicated you can see if you can just not reimburse yourself on the costs and therefore not add them to your loan balance. We’ve used our cash on hand to do a bit of both.

The Cost List

  • Excavation (backfill, foundation, poured walls, drains) : $34,176
  • Framing (I Joists, 3/4 Advantex, 7/16 Zip sheeting, 2×6 walls, trusses): $69,645
  • Front door allowance: $2,875
  • Exterior windows and doors (22 units): $8,250
  • Roofing (metal): $11,325
  • Porches (856 sq ft, concrete, vinyl ceiling): $5,992
  • Gutters: $1,875
  • Insulation (R23 spray foam walls, R38 Cellulose attic): $13,600
  • Dry wall (smooth ceilings): $13,083
  • Interior doors (6 panel oak, 18 units): $7,360
  • Interior trim: $10,300
  • Door knobs: $800
  • Stairways: $3,500
  • Plumbing (basement rough-in, 14 units): $10,500
  • Plumbing fixture allowance: $3,500
  • Whole house attic fan: $900
  • Electric: $10,256
  • Electric fixture allowance: $2,400
  • Heating and air: $18,275
  • Hardie board siding: $17,375
  • Bathroom floor allowance (294 sq ft, $15 labor, $7 material): $6,468
  • Shower tile surround (3 units): $3,000
  • Hardwood floor allowance (1,840 sq ft, $7 material, $2.50 labor): $17,480
  • Cabinet and counter allowance: $18,745
  • Closet shelves: $1,000
  • Painting allowance: $9,500
  • Staining: $4,325
  • Septic (4 bedroom, mound system): $28,000
  • Septic design: $900
  • Soil test: $410
  • Site plan: $800
  • Land clearing: $2,000
  • Driveway: $6,801
  • Water tap: $3,000
  • Electric tap: $800
  • Temporary electric: $300
  • House plans: $2,340
  • Electric to house: $1,000
  • Water to house: $1,000
  • Outdoor wood stove: $11,321
  • Township and county permits: $2,500
  • Fireplace (insert, hearth, mantel, propane tank, gas lines): $10,000
  • Landscaping: $2,000
  • Appliances: $5,000
  • Land (8 acres, legal fee): $37,000
  • Closing costs: $5,700

Total Budget: $427,877

Sticker shocked? I was too. Check out my next post on how I got this number down to a reasonable loan amount.