This may come as a shock to you… but I am an opiniated, loud, and fiercely independent woman. Ha! If you’ve seen me watch any of my kids play sports or talk about budgets, this does not come as a shock to you.
Here’s the thing, I enjoy my career and it is a priority in my life. We also depend on my income and my husband’s. I like to share my thoughts, and sometimes I even have some good thoughts. I also don’t mind a good debate every now and then. And I have been known to call people out on things I feel are disrespectful. I don’t have any signs in my office that say Boss B, but I smile when I see those signs at Marshall’s. I also enjoy a good eyeroll when I don’t see women represented in certain leadership positions (*cough* School Board *cough*).
I believe, and I claim over my life that God made me this way. He made me passionate about the things I believe in and a desire to learn. He has blessed me with the career and job I have- which has led me to a stronger and more courageous faith. And He has flamed my desire to be independent and to teach others to be independent, so that at the end of the day we can rely solely on Him and be free of this world’s ways.
So imagine my utter surprise (and younger me’s utter disappointment) when He also told me I had to “submit” to my husband.
Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. (Colossians 3:18)
Or… this verse…
Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. (Ephesians 5:22-24)
I won’t lie, I did my best for a good part of my life to ignore this. Clearly this message was not intended for women of today. I mean when the Bible was written it was from a time when women had little to no rights, so surly that part of the Bible was a little outdated.
Yeah, no. The Bible is as relevant today as it was then, and will have the same amount of relevancy 1,000 years from today. God does not change with the times. The World changes with the times, and we are called to not live for this World but instead for eternal life and our promise of life beyond our time here.
Furthermore, I can argue that Jesus was actually very respectful with His interactions with women at the time, compared to others in society… so if He said wives need to submit to their husbands, well, then wives need to submit.
Unfortunately, I am not super submissive. In fact, I’d say I was the opposite of submissive because I am a control freak. But it’s cool because God made me that way. I trust that there is a way to be both a strong and independent women….. and a submissive wife and child of God. And I *think* our society and the enemy likes to tell us the lie that we have to choose. I’ll actually go one step further and say that the enemy is absolutely afraid that we will stumble on the truth that we are ALL called to be both. And if we do embrace being strong and free and submissive… well then we wouldn’t fall into his trap and he’d be powerless.
Anyways… let me first tell you through trial and error a few things submission is NOT.
- It is not being quiet. (Thank the Lord)
- It is not letting someone tell you what to do without regards to your feelings or wellbeing.
- It is not following someone without questions.
- It is not doing everything from cleaning to cooking to childrearing to (fill in the blank) without expecting any help and with a smile on your face.
- It is not being co-dependent.
- It is not being a martyr.
- It is not denying who God designed you to be… even if that person is loud (passionate) and independent (free).
There are a lot of other things submission is not. But from my very brief dabble in it, these are some things I’ve found submission IS.
- It is asking your husband his opinion before your friends.
- It is surrounding yourself with friends who build up their husbands.
- It is supporting him and singing his praises.
- It is giving him words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, quality time, and physical touch.
- It is praying for him and with him.
- It is valuing his ideas and being thankful to his contributions to the household.
- It is respecting him and not coveting a quality in him that is not there.
- It is being a good reflection of him and complementing his identity.
- It is being a united front.
- It is trying to understand him.
- It is learning from him.
- It is holding him accountable.
- It is accepting his love towards you.
Submission is between a wife and a husband because there is a covenant (or agreement) set up. So let me be clear. If one person is not holding up their end of the agreement, then the other part of the agreement or covenant starts to become void or needs restoration. So. If a wife or husband is being abused mentally, physically, or emotionally that’s a breakdown in the covenant. If there has been immoral conduct. That is a breakdown in the covenant.
God asks His people who have agreed to be in covenant with Him to obey His rules and submit to Him. If there is a breakdown in that agreement, if we can’t obey and submit, a new covenant has to be forged.
Spoiler alert…… we have broken our covenant with God a lot. Like so much. It started in the Garden of Eden and it continues today with every decision we make to be further away from Him.
You know what God calls our husbands to do for us, their wives? He says “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church”. You know what his ultimate display of love was? A sacrifice. We messed up our covenant with God so much that the only way to fix it. The only way to continue to have a relationship with God, was for either us or God to restore the covenant. God never broke the agreement. We did. So God did what no mother or father or grandparent or care giver in their right mind would do, and made a sacrifice so big, so pure, and so perfect…… He sacrificed His Son so that we could start anew. The sacrifice to end all sacrifices. And our end of the new agreement? We have to love God. And to love God is to know that His Son died on the cross to wipe away all our wrongs…..
Whew… to bring it all back around. Ladies, between the two of us- husbands and wives. We got the better end of the deal. We’ve got to submit. And yeah, that might be hard, especially when he hasn’t taken out the trash like he said he would 2 days ago….. but he’s called to sacrifice for us….. just like God sacrificed for us.
