Category: Faith

Faith

Extra, Extra

Sam

Last Thanksgiving my friend put out a text message to our small group asking if anyone had a fancy place setting that they could use for a video for church. We all know that the text was meant for one person and one person only… me. Of course, I have holiday place settings around my table that we must move every time we eat because my kids are heathens when eating and I don’t want my place settings to actually be used…. They are just for looks. Duh.

Do I also do matching PJs on Christmas morning? Yes. Family Halloween costumes? You know it. Matching shirts we all wear on vacations? Usually. Did I throw my dog a 1st birthday party? I wanted an excuse to have cake. Elaborate teacher gifts? Look, they deserve the most elaborate gift in the world for dealing with my kids.

I wear makeup most days, curl my hair, and have worn heals to a bonfire.

I have a closet that is full of gifts in case someone springs a party on me last minute and I also have a cabinet in my kitchen just for when I host gatherings.

I have been accused and found guilty of being “extra”.

Most of my friends mean it in a pretty positive light. For example, when one of my best friends needs Christmas trees for a photo session and I happen to have 6 she can borrow. Or when we do a girl’s trip and no one needs to know anything but to be awake at 6 am because I’ve already got our ride to the airport figured out, boarding passes downloaded and a full itinerary planned. No one complains then….

But sometimes, I have a few people (usually who I am not super close to) call me “extra” in a way that is meant to shame me. It is hard to explain… but it is almost like because I find joy (and I would even call it a gifting) in what they would say are superficial things that I am somehow “less than”. Or I am impractical or lack common sense. Or that I care more about the world and looks than people and Jesus.

I don’t think it helps that I have seen sermon after sermon, and a lot of devotionals about how you should be a Mary not a Martha. And no, I am not referring to Martha Stewart…. Although can we just pause to acknowledge that 1) what a coincidence both their names are Martha and 2) what a shame it is that there is an entire generation who probably doesn’t know who Martha Stewart is???? No lie, I was once asked if I could meet two people (dead or alive) who would I choose? And I seriously said Jesus and Martha Stewart….. anyways.

If you aren’t familiar with this particular part of the Bible, here it is:

38 As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. 39 She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. 40 But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

41 “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, 42 but few things are needed—or indeed only one.[a] Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:38-42

First, I’d like to take a pause here and insert my husband’s name into this passage at times for Mary…. I know it is a running joke that right before a party all husband’s find the most absurd thing to “help” with… like cleaning the gutters. My husband has taken it one step further and is now indoctrinating our kids. We were about to host people the other day and my oldest decided that was the perfect time to clean his room… nope, he decided he needed to use the backpack blower to rake leaves.

In all seriousness though I sympathize with Martha in this passage. She’s doing all the work, and she just wants some help. However, the Lord urgently says that Martha isn’t focused on the right thing, but Mary is. (I always choose to think Jesus said it not in a harsh, loud urgent way… but more of a “oh my dear child, listen to me” way).

Anyways, the gist is that Jesus wasn’t going to tell Mary to stop listening to Him in order to help Martha.

In a lot of devotionals and sermons on this passage it is pointed out that we all need to stop worrying about this world, and the to-do lists, and we need to rest in the eternal peace only Jesus can bring. We need to focus on the one thing that is needed. Jesus. Which is 100% true.

However……

Let me point out a few things.

  • Jesus went to MARTHA’S house. Not Mary’s, not their brother Lazarus’ house. Martha’s.

My non-bible school interpretation of this? Jesus was hungry and tired, and he knew Martha could cook and take care of him and his whole gang of friends. Do you know how rare it was that it was Martha’s house during that time? A woman’s house? Rare, friend, rare. Martha made Jesus and his disciples felt so taken care of that they dropped in (somewhat) unannounced. Probably more than once.

  • Martha was loved by Jesus.

In John 11, in another passage Martha’s brother was sick and ended up dying and Jesus took His time to get to them. In the description of the family (Martha, Mary, and Lazarus) it is said “Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus.” (John 11:5). I mean we are all loved by Jesus….. but it’s called out here to show just how close they are. Which means Martha knew God (and His word), loved God and loved His son, Jesus.

  • Jesus never told her to stop hosting or caring for others in her home…. She was told to stop worrying about it.

That might not seem like a big difference but to me it is.

A few years back I had a lot of shame when it came to this. I listened to those sermons and devotions saying, “Be a Mary in a Martha World”. So, I decided I’d try that advice. It was right before a party we were hosting. I remember vowing I was going to be a “Mary” not a “Martha”. I picked up the house a little, made some basic food, and settled in to sit like Mary did. Want to know what happened? My husband straight up panicked and thought I was mad at him because I didn’t give him his pre-party to-do list, my kids asked what activities I had planned, and I didn’t enjoy sitting as much as I thought I would.

My husband likes my to-do list (usually, I mean… as long as a house project isn’t on it), it tells him exactly what to do. In fact, if someone could tell me in detail exactly what to do I think I’d like that too.. anyways…. Also, my kids like when I plan fun traditions and make things special. And yes, they might get embarrassed taking in mini piñatas and nachos to their teachers, but you can bet they ask me what I am doing this year for their teachers.

Turns out I am a Martha.

And that is ok.

Jesus never asked Martha to not be Martha. Jesus saw Martha. Like He really saw her. He knew she was the one He could count on to take care of him. He knew she had an amazing gift for hosting and making people feel welcomed. AND He knows that the kingdom needs that. I mean most Churches have a whole hospitality team to make people feel welcomed and feel taken care of.

Christian’s all have a gift or talent we’ve been entrusted with to further God’s kingdom. Maybe yours is encouraging people, or maybe it is teaching, or helping or maybe it is healing, wisdom, prophecy, faith… there are several guys. And as it turns out in order to reach the MOST people to tell them about Jesus, we need all the gifts.

One person might shut down if you start teaching them right away. They might need to see you helping in action to realize they can trust the God you serve. But another person might need facts and truth, they value wisdom and although they acknowledge emotions, they like taking emotions out of decisions.

Here’s the thing, what Jesus was talking about to Martha… is that she needed to stop worrying about the task and focus on the reason. Not change her task per-se.

This means;

  • You might have to recognize that your need to be “right” or “seen” isn’t near as important as making sure the person comes to know Jesus.
  • You have to recognize when someone else’s gifting might be better in a situation. WE have to work together.
  • You can’t let your gifting be used for the wrong purpose or even “just because”. Your talent is a direct gift from God, use it for Him.
  • If you start to worry and stress about “doing” whatever you think you’re called to do, you need to re-exam if you have your priorities right.

Martha started to use her gift in a way that wasn’t accomplishing what she was meant to use it for. Her purpose was to serve Jesus. She did that usually very well, by serving his physical needs. But her sister is different and Martha can’t push that on her sister.

That’s what Jesus was telling Martha. He was saying; “Martha serve me whole heartedly, like your sister is doing right now.” He didn’t say serve me differently than how you are, just keep the main point the main point. Which is always Jesus.

I am proud to be a Martha. But from time to time, I do need the reminder that my calling is to be a child of God and to lead others to know Jesus, not to just host parties for no reason. However, if you do need a wooden sled to decorate with, themed dinnerware, baby girl shower décor, or just a place to drink fancy coffee from my coffee bar and talk about Jesus… I have that covered.

 

 

 

Faith

Bitter or Better

Sam

Story time…… When I was about 6, my older brother and I were playing at my grandparents’ farm, my cousins could’ve been there, who knows. Anyways, we were playing Survivor. And I got the bright idea to collect these grapes for our “food”. Here’s a few things to note 1) these grapes were not ripe, not even close 2) my grandpa had this grape bush for as long as I could remember but never once did I get to taste a grape from it, did he hoard the grapes for himself? Was he secretly making wine with the grapes? Did birds get the grapes before he could ever get to them? I will never know… all I know is that 3) these grapes were off limits.

So yeah, not the brightest idea I ever had, but alas I plucked these grapes off the bush and added them to our stockpile. Of course my grandpa comes around about that time, looks at the grapes, looks at the bush, looks at me, looks back at the grapes, then me, then the bush, then me, then the grapes…… and well let’s just say I started to think that maybe he’d never had these grapes either and by the look on his face it was one more year he wasn’t going to get to taste them…. because of me……

My grandpa was unique in his discipline at this moment. He decided that my punishment was eating these unripe grapes. I can’t really describe the bitter taste and hard texture…… let’s just say that I have no idea why he cared so much about those grapes.

You might be thinking at this point I am about to go in the direction of talking about self-control, not stealing, or maybe you’re just hung up on whatever happened to that grape bush (spoiler: no clue, they just cut it down one day- probably because the grapes were gross but whose to say)…… but no, I want to talk about the bitterness.

Truth be told, I’ve held a lot of bitterness in my life at times. I try not to stay there, but it is a by-product of being offended.

To illustrate this I am going to use a story from the Bible….. and one you probably aren’t thinking of. I want to talk about Jonah. Yeah, the guy swallowed by the whale, or fish. If you’ve read a kids Bible, this is one of the stories that’s pretty easy to make an illustration about. It’s a guy, who gets swallowed by a large fish that I assume is a whale….. wild story but easy to picture in your mind. If you don’t know the story let me give you some highlights (SC version, aka Sam Cribbet Version)

  • God tells Jonah to preach to this evil town.
  • Jonah nopes the heck out of town and runs very far in the opposite direction across a sea (just as an FYI if I was running from God I would not be anywhere near water… He literally parts the seas, but to each their own)
  • The weather turns terrible and the guys on the boat are like WHAT THE HECK… this isn’t a normal storm so they know someone did something bad.
  • Meanwhile Jonah is like, yeah it was me, I’m gonna take a nap.
  • The guys were like “Jonah get the heck up!”
  • Jonah was like, “yeah this is my fault throw me overboard.”
  • The guys were like, hold up, say what? How about we just row back to shore vs. tossing you over.
  • God was like, nah you can’t get back to shore.
  • So the guys were like, walk the plank Jonah.
  • Then the giant fish eats him and he lives inside it for 3 days.
  • He prays a great prayer, saying sorry for running.
  • The fish throws him up. He does NOT take a shower, at least the Bible doesn’t reference one… gross.
  • Then Jonah goes to the evil city and tells them about God.
  • EVERYONE in the city believes Jonah and starts to love God so God does not destroy the city.

And this is usually where the kid’s version of the Bible stops. We like to talk about how we need to obey what God has called us to do…… however, the book of Jonah does not stop here….

  • Jonah gets angry at God and he’s all like “I KNEW IT! I KNEW that if I told these ungrateful people in this city about God they would change their ways”. Jonah then says (again SC Version) “It isn’t fair! I am going to go pout on this hill over here and I really hope you come through God and punch them in the face”.
  • Then God is like “Seriously?” God gives Jonah a shade plant on the hill because I guess it was hot, and Jonah is thankful, then God makes it wither and die.
  • Then Jonah is like “Ugh I want that plant back”
  • The end.

Confused? Looking for your kid’s Bible right now to see if I am lying? Googling Veggie Tales “Jonah and the Whale”?

Yeah, crazy story right? When I look at this story I think the crazy part is not the dude being swallowed by the whale, or taking a nap in a hurricane… no I think the ending is bizarre…. But I get it. Because I’ve been Jonah a time… or two… or seven.

But God said to Jonah, “Is it right for you to be angry about the plant?” “It is,” he said. “And I’m so angry I wish I were dead.” (Jonah 4:9)

I have been really bitter and angry about things in my past. Things that when I look back at it, I have every right to be angry about. I’ve been lied to, stolen from, taken advantage of, physically abused, mentally abused…. Yeah, I have been pretty angry about my life at times. I’ve uttered the phrase “It isn’t fair” about a dozen times…. THIS WEEK.

Here’s what you have to know though. Here’s what the book of Jonah is teaching us…. As I’ve heard from multiple people this week… “you can stay bitter, or you can get better”.

And that’s the bottom line. You are going to have terrible things happen in this life. A death, a sickness, or even intentional evilness brought upon you. We live in a fallen, broken world, full of fallen, broken people.

And you have two options. 1) you can choose to stay there and blame others and hold unforgiveness in your heart or 2) you can choose to surrender it to God, move on, and start the road to healing and recovery.

God gave Jonah so many chances. He gave him the calling and ability to preach to an entire city (which was supposedly pretty large) and they all listened and turned toward God. It should have been such an amazing story. But here’s the thing, the city Jonah was preaching to? Yeah, it was a city that totally destroyed cities near Jonah. The people of that evil city, probably killed and did worse to people Jonah knew. He hated that city, and for good reasons too.

So instead of seeing God’s goodness, which Jonah knew intimately…. In fact Jonah declared “I knew that you are a gracious and compassionate God, slow to anger and abounding in love, a God who relents from sending calamity.” So Jonah knew, that God would spare the city… but Jonah wasn’t interested in that. No Jonah, wanted human like judgment to fall on his enemy who had made him suffer so much.

I think Christian’s have the hardest time with this. We want a God who fights our battles, who slays our enemies, who holds those who do wrong accountable- which He is and does… but God? God ultimately wants everyone to love Him. So when it comes down to someone who has truly wronged you… do you want what God wants? Do you want them to know God, and not in some “bless your heart” passive-aggressive way, but in a true transformative way? Or do you want them punished?

Let me tell you what God thinks……

He thinks that He gave Jonah the shade plant…. even though Jonah didn’t tend to it, make it grow, provide the soil or water, Jonah did nothing for this tree…. and so why does Jonah have the right to be mad God took it away and let it wither and die? (Jonah 4:10-11)

Still confused?

Let me tell you what God has given you…

God has given you the tree of life, with perfect shade, and rest. It has perfectly ripe fruit with no bitterness, that is available to ANYONE.

He gave you a perfect lamb, a perfect sacrifice, when all you have done is murder, steal, lie, and offend Him time and time again. So when He extends that same grace, the beautiful grace of Jesus’ blood over your sins, to another person… what right do you have to be mad?

The grapes I ate on that afternoon when I was 6 were so very bitter. I can only imagine (and I am still imagining because like I said I don’t think anyone ever ate any of those grapes) that if I would have let go of the bitterness and waited until the grapes were ripe before I picked them, that I would have had a much better experience (or rather my grandpa would’ve picked a different punishment)…. But I digress…

Friends, all I am saying (to me and you) is let go of your bitterness, embrace that the forgiveness you have received is the same that God offers to all, and go on to have an amazing fruitful life.

Faith

Hit Submit

Sam

This may come as a shock to you… but I am an opiniated, loud, and fiercely independent woman. Ha! If you’ve seen me watch any of my kids play sports or talk about budgets, this does not come as a shock to you.

Here’s the thing, I enjoy my career and it is a priority in my life. We also depend on my income and my husband’s. I like to share my thoughts, and sometimes I even have some good thoughts. I also don’t mind a good debate every now and then. And I have been known to call people out on things I feel are disrespectful. I don’t have any signs in my office that say Boss B, but I smile when I see those signs at Marshall’s. I also enjoy a good eyeroll when I don’t see women represented in certain leadership positions (*cough* School Board *cough*).

I believe, and I claim over my life that God made me this way. He made me passionate about the things I believe in and a desire to learn. He has blessed me with the career and job I have- which has led me to a stronger and more courageous faith. And He has flamed my desire to be independent and to teach others to be independent, so that at the end of the day we can rely solely on Him and be free of this world’s ways.

So imagine my utter surprise (and younger me’s utter disappointment) when He also told me I had to “submit” to my husband.

Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. (Colossians 3:18)

Or… this verse…

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. (Ephesians 5:22-24)

I won’t lie, I did my best for a good part of my life to ignore this. Clearly this message was not intended for women of today. I mean when the Bible was written it was from a time when women had little to no rights, so surly that part of the Bible was a little outdated.

Yeah, no. The Bible is as relevant today as it was then, and will have the same amount of relevancy 1,000 years from today. God does not change with the times. The World changes with the times, and we are called to not live for this World but instead for eternal life and our promise of life beyond our time here.

Furthermore, I can argue that Jesus was actually very respectful with His interactions with women at the time, compared to others in society… so if He said wives need to submit to their husbands, well, then wives need to submit.

Unfortunately, I am not super submissive. In fact, I’d say I was the opposite of submissive because I am a control freak. But it’s cool because God made me that way. I trust that there is a way to be both a strong and independent women….. and a submissive wife and child of God. And I *think* our society and the enemy likes to tell us the lie that we have to choose. I’ll actually go one step further and say that the enemy is absolutely afraid that we will stumble on the truth that we are ALL called to be both.  And if we do embrace being strong and free and submissive… well then we wouldn’t fall into his trap and he’d be powerless.

Anyways… let me first tell you through trial and error a few things submission is NOT.

  • It is not being quiet. (Thank the Lord)
  • It is not letting someone tell you what to do without regards to your feelings or wellbeing.
  • It is not following someone without questions.
  • It is not doing everything from cleaning to cooking to childrearing to (fill in the blank) without expecting any help and with a smile on your face.
  • It is not being co-dependent.
  • It is not being a martyr.
  • It is not denying who God designed you to be… even if that person is loud (passionate) and independent (free).

There are a lot of other things submission is not. But from my very brief dabble in it, these are some things I’ve found submission IS.

  • It is asking your husband his opinion before your friends.
  • It is surrounding yourself with friends who build up their husbands.
  • It is supporting him and singing his praises.
  • It is giving him words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, quality time, and physical touch.
  • It is praying for him and with him.
  • It is valuing his ideas and being thankful to his contributions to the household.
  • It is respecting him and not coveting a quality in him that is not there.
  • It is being a good reflection of him and complementing his identity.
  • It is being a united front.
  • It is trying to understand him.
  • It is learning from him.
  • It is holding him accountable.
  • It is accepting his love towards you.

Submission is between a wife and a husband because there is a covenant (or agreement) set up. So let me be clear. If one person is not holding up their end of the agreement, then the other part of the agreement or covenant starts to become void or needs restoration. So. If a wife or husband is being abused mentally, physically, or emotionally that’s a breakdown in the covenant. If there has been immoral conduct. That is a breakdown in the covenant.

God asks His people who have agreed to be in covenant with Him to obey His rules and submit to Him. If there is a breakdown in that agreement, if we can’t obey and submit, a new covenant has to be forged.

Spoiler alert…… we have broken our covenant with God a lot. Like so much. It started in the Garden of Eden and it continues today with every decision we make to be further away from Him.

You know what God calls our husbands to do for us, their wives? He says “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church”. You know what his ultimate display of love was? A sacrifice. We messed up our covenant with God so much that the only way to fix it. The only way to continue to have a relationship with God, was for either us or God to restore the covenant. God never broke the agreement. We did. So God did what no mother or father or grandparent or care giver in their right mind would do, and made a sacrifice so big, so pure, and so perfect…… He sacrificed His Son so that we could start anew. The sacrifice to end all sacrifices. And our end of the new agreement? We have to love God. And to love God is to know that His Son died on the cross to wipe away all our wrongs…..

Whew… to bring it all back around. Ladies, between the two of us- husbands and wives. We got the better end of the deal. We’ve got to submit. And yeah, that might be hard, especially when he hasn’t taken out the trash like he said he would 2 days ago….. but he’s called to sacrifice for us….. just like God sacrificed for us.

 

Faith

Choose Wisely, My Friend

Sam

Me: You are the best! Love, love, love that you went to the Bible FIRST to “get over it”!

Friend: So my first reaction was “eff this biotch”. Second reaction was the Bible lol

 

Can I just take a minute to tell you I really like my friends?

I have this one friend, who I’ve been friends with for 30 years, and we can go from talking about how we are one step away from losing our crap (lol if you actually think we use the word crap) to giving each other deep emotional support through a hard day/time. Like her words of encouragement to me can make me cry! On the flip side, her well placed memes to me can also make me pee my pants. We’re versatile like that.

Then I’ve got this friend who lives far away. She’s at the same place career-wise, and family-wise as me. She’s also a believer like I am. We can share really insightful things with each other and also drop off the face of the earth for a few weeks and then pick back up like it was nothing. We get each other. We get life happens.

I’ve got a friend who I only became friends with (at the beginning) because our kids are friends. When we started sitting at sports games together, whispering to our kids to stop sucking (in a nice way of course), I just knew I found a keeper. She now talks me off ledges daily about life stressors with our kids, school, family, sports…. Everything.

I’ve got a friend who I met through church and I realized quick she was real, and wise, and not afraid to call me out on my crap (she might actually use the word crap vs. the other word). She has helped me with my relationship with God and I pray I have given her words of wisdom too…. Or at least she can look at me and see a good example of what not to do.

I have this other friend… who man, oh man, has been through things (good and bad). She has a strength I have never seen before, a heart of gold I cannot even begin to describe, and does everything with grace. She is the one person I can point back to that influenced me to go deeper with God first. I refuse to let her go as a friend…..

Guys, I even have such a good friend that when I had no place to go at 17, she said “you know my mom will be mad if you don’t come live with us.” 18 years later… they can’t get rid of me if they tried….. and I can’t even use the word friend to describe her because sister is a more accurate description!

Ok, last one. Not my last noteworthy friend, but my last one that I want to describe the beautiful friendship I have with. This friend is another one who truly thinks about others first. The servitude she has to her kids, husband, and even parents is awe inspiring. I am always looking at her to gain insight into how to be a better mom and person. Plus she’s super crafty and can make planning your Disney vacation not seem like you are learning a foreign language…..

Here’s the thing…. I can also describe to you friendships, that were frankly, bad for my health. Literally and figuratively.

I went years believing friends who justified my selfish behavior by saying things like “you gotta take care of yourself first” or “you NEED selfcare”. Or “it’s not a big deal, everyone does it”.

Unfortunately, this lesson of surrounding yourself with the right people is typically learned through experience. (Although I am working real hard on choosing my kids friends… and it may or may not be because I can actually stand their parents…)

In fact, just the other day my oldest kid experienced the hard message of “guilty by association”. Needless to say he got a stern talking to (aka a chewin’ out) from a leader in his school. According to the story, one of the kids he was in a group with did something inappropriate. The whole group was lumped into the conversation about not being stupid (I am sure the “leader” didn’t call them stupid but I would have… which is probably why I’m not a teacher). Anyways, he came home and let us know that he got yelled at. He complained that he didn’t even do anything and although I believe him I had to let him know this was a painful but necessary lesson to learn. 1) if you hang out with people doing bad things, people will think you do those bad things 2) if you hang out with people who do bad things, you’ll be tempted to do bad things 3) if you see bad things happening, tell someone and 4) don’t do bad things. I know, I know, my parenting advice is top notch….

Funny thing about the Bible, God’s living word………. Is it talks about friendships and relationships….. A LOT. Like it’s almost like God thinks they are important. It’s almost like He knows that a well placed friend can make or break you. It’s like He knew that some of our toughest times in life would be because of a broken relationship. It’s almost like He knows that some of the most joyful times in our life would not be because of what we were doing but because of WHO we were with. Crazy.

Here’s just a few (out of context, sorry not sorry) truth bombs:

1 Corinthians 15:33
Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.”

Proverbs 27:17
Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.

Proverbs 13:20
Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.

Matthew 5:16
“In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.”

Proverbs 12:26
One who is righteous is a guide to his neighbor, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.

Look, there are some relationships we can’t choose. If anyone knows that, it’s me. BUT you can choose how it influences you. You can choose to be offended or not.

And in a lot of our relationships you CAN choose who to be around. And what’s more, you can also choose how YOU influence others. You can choose to be the wise one. You can choose to be the encourager, the one who puts a smile on others faces, the one who points them to the Truth.

So let me finish by saying that I have chosen a lot of great influences in my life, who I am so thankful have chosen me back…. And my prayer for you all today is that you choose wisely, my friend.

 

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Faith, Family

Do You Want a Girl?

Sam

I’m a boy mom. I have three boys. They are all sooooo different, but when God was deciding what kids to bless me with He gave me three with…… well you know.

So, yeah, I get the question a lot on if I want a girl or will try for a girl.

And because I love and hate when people ask me this, if it’s OK with you I’d like to waste a couple minutes of your day talking about this question.

Do I want a girl? Or maybe a more accurate question would be: do I mourn the fact that I probably won’t have a mother/daughter relationship?

Um… yeah. For sure.

It goes without saying that I love my kids, and there isn’t a single one of them I would change or trade. I might change how one talks back to me and gives me attitude, but I wouldn’t change who God made them. I also LOVE having boys. And as much as I love those kids it doesn’t negate the fact that I probably won’t get to watch my husband take a daughter to a dance, or see how amazing my boys would be to a sister, or buy all the bows my heart desires. Or really anything cliché you might do with a girl vs. boy.

I have to talk myself out of wanting a girl sometimes. I have to list all the amazing reasons why having all boys is great. #1: At Disney we didn’t wait in line to meet a single Princess (again I know this is stereotypical, but it helps me cope). #2: I am the only girl in the house right now and I take advantage of it. #3: Hand me down clothes…. Haha…… just kidding….. if you know me I still buy an obscene amount of clothes for my youngest boy.

But anyways to be honest I think this…… wanting something you don’t have…… is something we all deal with.

Maybe you have all girls and you want a boy, or you don’t have kids but you want them. Maybe it isn’t about kids at all. Maybe you wish you had a different job. A different house. Different friends. A different spouse? I could probably make up a Dr. Seuss rhyme with all the things a person might want……

I fall into this “wanting more” category far too often. I am wired to look for the next best thing. When I was in high school and college I lived like this daily. It was pure survival mode for me. I needed to do well in high school so I could go to a good college, then I needed to do well there so I could get a good job. From there I needed to get married and have kids. Buy a house, search for a better job. Have another kid. Get a better house.

It was, and still is, an exhausting cycle I let myself get caught up in.

Maybe you get caught up in a similar cycle of wanting something you don’t have?

Or worse yet, maybe what you want, isn’t something as superficial as me wanting a girl, or a better house, or “fill in the blank”. Maybe what you want is that you aren’t in pain anymore from an illness, or your child isn’t sick anymore. Maybe you don’t want a better house, maybe you are just struggling to keep the house you have.

I am not that great at this, but I do know of a way to help break whatever cycle you might be in right now.

Paul writes to us in Philippians 4:12 and tells us:

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

When I read this I always think to myself, “Yeah, OK, I love God. He satisfies me. I don’t need anything else.” BAM let’s do this! Then reality hits and reading these words doesn’t really tell me HOW to lean on God to give me strength in times of plenty and in times of want………..

So, if I haven’t lost you yet, let’s go back and look at the entire book of Philippians (and as a typical Sam disclaimer I am not a preacher, nor did I go to Bible college so if this is incorrect I apologize)…..

Paul is addressing some grumblings between a few Christians. And this is some of the advice he gives:

  1. Thanksgiving and Prayer- Paul first thanks them and tells them what he prays about for them.
  2. Background- Paul then acknowledges the situation.
  3. Keep on living a life worthy of the gospel- He instructs them that no matter what, you should keep doing the right thing.
  4. Act like Jesus- Paul then encourages them to approach the situation with Love.
  5. Don’t grumble- because obviously. No really, Paul describes this as a gift. If you don’t grumble you will be blameless and pure. Sign me up for that!
  6. Count on others- Paul then tells them he will send a friend to help encourage them.
  7. But not all others- He warns them to be weary of the evildoers.
  8. Keep your eyes on the prize- eternal life, not things of this world.

Then we get to Chapter 4 “The Closing Appeal” and the verse I shared above about being content no matter what.

I like this list. Paul is my man when it comes to lists! I’m not saying this is an easy list to keep in mind whenever I am feeling like I need to move on to the next big thing, or when I am going through a tough time with something……… but I do think that Paul’s letter to Phillipi can be used for us today.

  1. The first thing you should do is be thankful for “insert something here” and then go to God in prayer. First things first- give it to God.
  2. Acknowledge the thing you want or the tough circumstance you are in. It is healthy and right to admit those things. You just can’t stay there.
  3. Keep on keeping on. My friends and I try to make light of this step and say “Fake it til’ you make it”. But really this is survival 101. Keep praying, reading your Bible, going to Church, and doing what is right. Even if you feel distant from God, you feel your prayers are going unanswered, or you really don’t feel like being the better person……. you should still do it. Other’s are watching to see how you handle this situation- what a testimony to God to keep glorifying Him through your work!
  4. Be humble and approach the whole thing with love. That’s what Jesus would do.
  5. Try and not complain about the situation. Again, you will be rewarded for this!
  6. Know who your friends are and lean on them. Not just any friends, but the ones who are going to keep encouraging you and pointing you back to God.
  7. And finally, remember that every heartache we are going through is something that is breaking God’s heart too. Every desire we have here on Earth is nothing compared to the prize that awaits us in Heaven.

Friends, I can tell you with my whole heart that not having a girl breaks me sometimes. I know….. it is a dumb thing to get upset over, but it is something I desire from time to time. And when those feelings of longing come on, I go back over these steps and remind myself that God can fill that longing in my heart. He can satisfy me when I have plenty… or when I am in need.

Faith

The Rich Fool

Sam

For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. James 3:16

Because writing this blog has been like ripping off a band-aid…. I thought why not just add one more confession to the never ending list of things I have (sometimes still do) struggle with. I am not sure how to gently glide into this subject- so instead I am just going to share a story with you…..

So, my dad used to own about 55 acres that he inherited, this was half of the entire farm my grandma and grandpa owned before they passed away. It was where I spent a majority of my childhood. It has a creek in the back, hills, pasture fields, crops, wild blackberry bushes, and some of the best memories of when I was a kid.

At one point it was my dad’s dream to build there- but life just didn’t give him that opportunity. He was always generous with the land though and at one point offered Kyle and I some land to build on around the same time we bought our first house. We weren’t in the position financially that we could build at that point so we instead bought a house closer to where my husband worked and realized that was the area God was calling us to.

Fast forward a few years and we were at a point where we were deciding what do to about our house. We were constantly looking at houses and just trying to figure out what was next for our family. My older brother was at this point too and he had settled on building. His kids were going to the school district the land my dad owned was in, and my brother had the same dream as my dad to build on the property that had been in our family for generations. So my dad gifted him all 55 acres. My dad asked me first if I’d be mad about it. But my brother and I had seen families divided over inheritances and we promised we wouldn’t do that.

To recap:

  • We were offered the land at one point in time.
  • It wasn’t in the school district or area where it made sense for us to build.
  • My brother actually wanted the land so he could use it.

So between the pact I made with my brother and the fact that I never fully intended to do anything with the land I said it didn’t bother me. Guess what? It did bother me. Oh and what’s more it escalated even further with every update I received on the gorgeous house my brother was building.

My jealousy quickly turned to every evil practice- like James so wisely points out in the Bible. I started judging my brother, I’d turn my nose up to certain things he did, and I gossiped and let more than one person know all of this. In fact, a decent amount of my friends sympathized and agreed with me. I was being wronged.

I let this irrational jealousy that my brother got something I didn’t build up to a point that I was angry at my brother (who did nothing wrong) and my dad (who also did nothing wrong). I wasn’t entitled to that land, my dad could do whatever he wanted with it.  And my brother was just doing what was best for his family- something I should want because they were my family too.

Finally, I was kind of at a boiling point and I yelled at my dad at Skyline- the place we go after church every Sunday, because he had the audacity to tell me I was acting jealous. Once we were in the car Kyle told me I had to let it go. What was done was done, and that our family (Kyle, the boys, and I) were going to be OK no matter if we had that land or not. FYI, that wasn’t what I wanted to hear.

Usually, at the first sign of trouble you should go to God. Actually, at the sign of joy, sorrow, trouble or just because it’s a Tuesday you should go to God. But I was so deep in my jealous rampage and I didn’t want to hear what God had to say so He was the last person I turned to. But after my hissy fit in Skyline and pouting on the ride home because Kyle didn’t tell me what I wanted to hear I decided that I would try to stop being jealous. I wish you could see me writing this because you’d know that the “try” I am talking about includes deep sighs and eye rolling.

However, God is really good to me. He truly chases after me and tries to herd me back into His flock when I go astray. Because the next week (post dramatic Skyline meltdown) I was in charge of teaching Sunday School at church and the story our curriculum said I had to teach was Luke 12:13-21. I wasn’t familiar with this parable so maybe you aren’t either- let me just tell you what the first verse is…

Someone in the crowd said to him, “Teacher, tell my brother to divide the inheritance with me.”

Jesus replied, “Man, who appointed me a judge or an arbiter between you?” Then he said to them, “Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; life does not consist in an abundance of possessions.”

The name of this parable is called The Rich Fool. I have tears in my eyes telling you all this. Guys, I am such a rich fool. I have an abundance of things, material things that mean nothing. And I have real things that mean everything. I have a husband who guides me daily to be a better person. I have kids who are witty and loving- ones who ask me for 6 hugs a day then after I give them those 6 hugs they tell me they meant 7 hugs. I have a career that I still pinch myself that I was given. I have the best friends- even ones who are nice enough to feel wronged for me! I have family (biological, adopted, and married into) that show me everyday how much they love me and give me unconditional support.

To think that at one point I was letting my jealousy of something material like land get in the way of some of the most important relationships in my life: with my dad and my brother and most importantly God. I can’t help but know that if I was in the crowd that day with Jesus he would have yelled at me that I was being foolish. That I wasn’t concentrating on what really mattered and was instead giving into greed. Thankfully, through His grace I was given yet another chance to put away my jealousy and just rely on Him. He gave my heart comfort and he gave me peace. In fact, verse 17 in James 3 that I shared at the beginning of this post continues on and says “But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.”

Maybe you aren’t struggling with jealousy over land, or maybe you don’t even struggle with jealousy at all. But is there something on your heart right now that you just can’t shake? An offense that you keep bringing up? Let me save you from an awkward Skyline temper tantrum; God can replace your jealousy, envy, or whatever offense you carry and give you hope, peace, and a love that is full of mercy. I don’t know about you, but I am trying to get better at taking Him up on His offer.

Faith

The Devil’s in the Detail.

Sam

Have you ever heard this saying before? I guess it means that something might seem really easy at first but when you dive into it, it’s actually more complex than you thought and within those complexities are where issues or the “devil” resides.

You know….. I have never really related much to that phrase because I love details. That’s where I thrive. To come up with an idea is so painstaking for me. I am not very creative, but man, you give me an idea and ask me to make it happen- that is right up my alley!

That is one reason I love Pinterest so much. There are a million posts on how someone came up with these super clever life hacks- that honestly make me question some things-like I’ve had long hair almost my entire life and never once thought “you know it would be a good idea to put a pony tail holder on the end of the vacuum hose and suck my hair up in it”………. anyways like I said I would never ever think to do half the creative things they think up. But now that someone else has came up with the idea I love to pick apart the details and apply it to my life, and in rare cases even improve upon it.

So although I don’t really get why someone would think the details are hard, I do think the Devil is in the details in another way.

Have you ever been going to sleep and all of a sudden you start thinking about the one time someone gave you a gift and you said the rudest thing ever in reply vs. thank you? Hmmmm…… or you remember one of those embarrassing times you called someone the wrong name and not only did you call them the wrong name but others started calling them that wrong name too? Have you went back to your college to give soon to be graduates advice and totally bombed it, then remember every stupid thing you said for the next 5 years? Yeah. I can vividly remember, in perfect detail– and I have a feeling you can too- a lot of embarrassing things we have done in the past. Things that bring us shame. Things that makes us not want to get out of bed.  Or in my case lead to an unhealthy amount of late night infomercial watching because of insomnia.

It’s kind of interesting to me that all the past memories that keep me up at night, the ones that pop up when I really don’t want them to, are always bad memories for me. I honestly can’t think of a time (recently) where out of the blue I remembered something amazing I did. Or something that makes me proud of myself. I mean, I know I do things that are “good” but I usually don’t focus on that. Usually if I see a picture or video or something else visually that reminds me of my accomplishments it jogs my memory and I smile. But to just be going to bed at night and something good pops into my head? Yeah, no, that doesn’t happen.

I’m going to be honest and call it out for what it is. I think it’s the Devil. I think for me, this is where the Devil’s in the details.

He is so good at making us feel shame. He is so good at reminding us that we should feel embarrassment. He literally makes us focus on and remember all the terrible things we’ve done and tells us that “This is who you are. The person who does embarrassing things- that is you.” and what’s more for me he usually also follows it up with “This is who other people think you are too. An awkward, embarrassing, insecure, loud, obnoxious, over-weight loser”.

I’m not going to lie. This kind of makes me mad at myself. I feel like I try to guard my heart so the Devil doesn’t have a foothold. I love God. I want no part of the Devil….. and yet he’s here and he wrecks havoc on my identity and self esteem. Sometimes to the point of physical health problems like anxiety or insomnia.

I really struggle with this. I’m trying to get better, without the use of melatonin, so that I can be more content like God calls me to be. I haven’t found the cure all but I know these few things have helped:

  1. Calling it out. I am a firm believer that the Devil is real and that his real power lies in the way he manipulates us without us even knowing it. So for me, calling him out, and denouncing him is helpful. I do this when he encourages me to be fearful too. I just tell him that my God is bigger.
  2. Praying. God is more powerful than the Devil. You have the ultimate weapon against the Devil and his manipulation. Use it.
  3. Get some back up. I was just talking about this with my small group tonight. We were all saying about how amazing it is to have others that hold you accountable and also encourage you. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve reached out to them and they’ve built me up, validated my feelings, but told me that I wasn’t allowed to stay in that mindset.

So something interesting I found out when I began to write this post. According to Wikipedia (I’m not a student anymore so this is a legit source to me), the saying the “Devil’s in the details” actually derives from an older saying “God’s in the Details”. What a more comforting saying. I am not sure if you too lay awake and think of every embarrassing moment you’ve had since you were 4 like me, but please know this; we can decide to let God take care of our details. He will tell us that our identity doesn’t lie in all the things that the Devil tries to make us believe about ourselves. The detail God wants us to know is that we are His and we are loved. And that’s a detail that can help me sleep a little better.

Faith

God is greater than Santa.

Sam

Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:26

You didn’t read that wrong. God is greater than Santa. Although, I also believe he is much greater than Satan too, my kids don’t know much about Satan yet. They do know about Santa in all his red suit glory though. He’s the man who brings them tangible gifts on Christmas morning. He comes down a chimney, he has reindeer, he likes cookies and milk, you know…. Santa. So when my 6 year old and 4 year old declared God was greater than Santa I felt like mom of the year. No, mom of the decade. I could just quit parenting right then because my kids got it. They were able to rationalize that without God there would be no Santa. To you this may not be a big deal but to them it was. They have physically received something from Santa before. They’ve seen the cookies gone on Christmas morning and they’ve even sat on Santa’s lap. However, God is someone they know about, and although I feel His presence and see Him all around, I can’t be sure that my kids fully grasp that. In fact the conversation pretty much took a sharp u-turn after their amazing declaration because the middle child started asking me if God could juggle. So maybe don’t engrave the “mom of the decade” trophy with my name just yet.

My kids do have a tendency to point out my flaws though. You see I am equally parts “God is the most powerful” and then turning around questioning if God can “juggle” or if he can be trusted to protect my kids at school, if I can trust Him with my finances, or questioning Him why bad things happen to good people.

I told you already I had major control issues, but let me introduce you to my other wonderful flaw: I don’t know God enough to know how powerful He is.

Every time I turn around I am limiting God. I view Him through a human lens. For example for me it is sometimes tough to love someone, not judge them but hold them accountable, and stand firm in my beliefs so that I don’t seem lukewarm (Revelations 3:16). So usually I just pick one of those things to concentrate on. It’s too complicated to be ALL the things God asks me to be, so I usually just concentrate on one area and make sure I am being all in all a good person. One of the problems with this mentality is that it means I sometimes forget that God can be all those things. Because I can’t do it I ridiculously assume God can’t do it.

Not only is this probably highly offensive to God but I know this isn’t what God wants. He’s tired of me compartmentalizing Him. He’s probably rolled His eyes at me 100 times saying “Sam are we seriously having this conversation again?”. He’s led me more times than I can count to the perfect verse to calm my soul. He’s taken care of things I didn’t even know I needed taken care of. He’s loved me, nudged me when I’m not being who He created me to be, and He’s had the most consistent character of anyone I’ve ever known. He’s all the things at once, and He’s not just like that with me but with everyone. Yikes. I can barely keep up with 1 husband and 3 kids let alone everyone.

The positive thing is that He’s constantly giving me chances to see how great He is. When tough issues arise that I honestly don’t know which side I’m on, He gently reminds me that I can ask for wisdom. He knows I am not going to understand it all. He knows I will fall short. Oh and He knows I am never going to totally get it. But He wants me to get it.

He wants me to understand Him a little more every day. He knows if I get to know His character more then:

1) I will love Him more- because how couldn’t you? When I discover new things my kids can do it literally makes my heart so full and happy. I love them more day after day. The same is true for God, the more you know Him the more you love Him.

2) If I know what His character is I would know how He would respond. Which would make my life a lot easier.

So how do I get to know Him better? It’s kind of sad to me that I keep forgetting that there is an actual manual for life. I can’t tell you how many times when my kids were babies I would complain to my mom that there was no book that told you how to do it exactly. She’d always laugh and tell me it is because she has yet to see a book about babies written by the expert themselves: the baby. That’s not the case with God. He’s given us a book written by the expert. He’s laid out every single scenario possible and told us what would make our life easier. And because He knew we’d question it, He sent down His son to say “yes, actually it is possible. Maybe not for you but through me it is”.

I can’t promise to always remember what God is capable of. What I can promise myself, and what I would love to encourage you to do also, is to try to know Him a little more each day. Maybe tomorrow we might remember that God is greater than Santa and He can juggle too.

Faith

An open letter to the mom who skips church.

Sam
Photo Credit: Jenn Shreve Photography

 

Hi friend,

I’ve invited you to small group for a while now. You sometimes ignore my text or call, sometimes you answer me and say maybe, and sometimes you say yes- but we both know you aren’t coming.

You see, I know you have a sweet baby at home. One that is still nursing. One that still needs you and only you to tuck them in. One that you haven’t seen all day because you are at work and miss your baby so much that as soon as you get home you can’t possibly think about leaving them again.

I see how hard you work to give your baby just the right amount of kisses and cuddles. You make sure you’ve read to them each night. You know you only have a small window that they are little and you need to soak up as much time with them as possible.

I know this season of life is tough. I know you are juggling hungry babies, moody toddlers, and independent-think-they-don’t-need-you-anymore little kids. So I know you skip church more than you’d like. You don’t want to impose your child’s tantrums on the nursery volunteer and most Sundays the kids distract you too much to actually get anything out of a sermon.

I was you, I am you.

Oh, how I know how hard it is to get the kids out of the house on time. Some days I swear it is my boys sole objective to see how many times I can tell them to get dressed. Surely they are keeping a tally of the times I yell and they are just trying to see if they can beat their all time record.

I also know time slips by way too fast. I still can’t believe that my oldest is in school. I miss him. I mean I miss him being a baby- reflux and all. I miss his tantrums, although he still has them from time to time, they aren’t quite as sweet as his pouting wails because I broke his granola bar in two.

I understand why you don’t come to small group and I feel you on a gut level of why you avoid church. I know you’ll come when life isn’t so hectic. Or when your baby doesn’t need you as much.

But what I need to tell you is that your baby needs you to go to small group. Those babies need to scream at those nursery volunteers. Ok, maybe that is a stretch but hear me out.

There is going to come a time where you need to know your identity is not defined by your kids. This might manifest because one of your kids does something terrible and you need to know that your kids make their own choices (good and bad) and it does not matter how amazing their upbringing was. They aren’t perfect and mistakes will be made. You need to know that your kids mistakes aren’t all your fault.

There will come a time where you find yourself with more free time than you had before. Maybe it is while sitting at a t-ball practice, but I promise you, you will not always be nursing or rocking a baby to sleep. It is during these times a small whisper will say “now what?”.

You need a tribe of friends to help you navigate these things. They will calm your soul and say sweet things like “I know”. They won’t try to fix you, they’ll just cry with you. Your pain will be their pain, you will share joy and laughter like you’ve never experienced. You’ll learn together how to get through the struggles of life by relying on the truths God laid out for you to follow.

Your kids need to see this. There will be a day when they aren’t guided 100% by you. They’ll be influenced by their friends. They need to know how to pick good friends. They need to see what that looks like. That it isn’t a one sided relationship, that a real friend is your cheerleader and a real friend truly cares about your happiness. They are a friend who holds you accountable– and sometimes that means telling you “that’s not how you’re supposed to act”.

Though church might be hard right now, you need to try. As a mom I know you know this but they aren’t going to stay this little forever. This season of tantrums when you drop them off will slowly fade, they won’t always scream “let me down” while their baby brother is being dedicated in front of the church, and they won’t always make a bee line for the drums on stage. The church needs to see them in all their glory. Sometimes I think it’s because God needs a chuckle that day. But I know it’s also because when you see a child grow up before your eyes, you are more invested in that child. Your child needs people who are looking out for them against this world.

Also, sweet momma, sometimes God repays you for your faithfulness and provides you amazing moments. Moments so tender you think you can’t possibly love any deeper. Moments where your six year old and four year old have discussions in the car about how strong God is and declare loudly that God is better than Santa because without God there would be no Santa. You need those moments.

But I understand why you’re just not quite ready yet. I know you, when God nudges you, you’ll follow. Until then please know I wished you’d join me at church- mostly because I’m tired of it always being my kids who try to blow out the advent candles but also because your kids need you to be there.

Faith, Family, Farmhouse

First things first.

Sam

So you’ve decided to check out just another farmhouse blog? I know you. You are either a family member (hi mom!) or friend who’ve I shamelessly begged to follow me, or like me obsessed with all things farmhouse. You’ve checked out the other 503+ blogs out there about how to build your dream farmhouse and now you’ve stumbled on mine- which to be honest probably isn’t too different than all the others. So why should you keep checking in here? I mean what is different? I’m going to be real. I am not a professional Christian, wife, mother, crafter, photographer, construction guru, or interior designer.

Needless to say my photo editing skills include begging one of my best friends to take pictures for me, or using Instagram filters. So if you want beautiful farmhouse photos this is not the place for that. I think my pictures are OK and they are real– like I might forget to move a highchair out of the way of a photo I post. My decorating skills are on par with my budget- basically really sound in a structural type of way but not excessive.

My abilities as a mom, or crafter, or chef are limited. I work really, really, really hard to keep my kids alive, dressed (which is harder than you think- or maybe you too have toddlers who love to be naked), fed, semi-clean, and well-rounded. But I pretty much fail daily on this. Except the keeping the kids alive. I do that, but barely. So if you are here to learn how to cook from scratch, raise perfect kids who go to Church and don’t try to light it on fire, or sew homemade costumes- well let me introduce you to other blogs for that or my personal favorite amazon.com.

As far as a wife goes….. Kyle (my husband) hasn’t complained. Well, let me rephrase he hasn’t complained to me. Honestly though, in Kyle’s words “we get along so well because I am easy going”. He’s the calm to my storm, the practical to my wild, and all in all really is easy going. I try. I really do. Like in all areas of my life sometimes I’m a really amazing supportive wife and other times I’m just a supportive wife- and then when times get a little overwhelming I’m just a wife.

So what can I promise you here? Well, I think I can promise you some honesty and some realistic budgets for building your dream house. I feel like sometimes what is lacking on sites is the authentic budgets. Like I see the ones that are 4,000 square feet and a million dollars to build or ones where you build it yourself and spend $50K on a $500K house. This place will be as middle of the road as possible. AND because it is my place to post- I will also share a few things on faith and family– because honestly the farmhouse part doesn’t do much for me without the other two.

Thanks for stopping in and I hope you enjoy!

– Sam

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