Tag: #christian

Faith

Extra, Extra

Sam

Last Thanksgiving my friend put out a text message to our small group asking if anyone had a fancy place setting that they could use for a video for church. We all know that the text was meant for one person and one person only… me. Of course, I have holiday place settings around my table that we must move every time we eat because my kids are heathens when eating and I don’t want my place settings to actually be used…. They are just for looks. Duh.

Do I also do matching PJs on Christmas morning? Yes. Family Halloween costumes? You know it. Matching shirts we all wear on vacations? Usually. Did I throw my dog a 1st birthday party? I wanted an excuse to have cake. Elaborate teacher gifts? Look, they deserve the most elaborate gift in the world for dealing with my kids.

I wear makeup most days, curl my hair, and have worn heals to a bonfire.

I have a closet that is full of gifts in case someone springs a party on me last minute and I also have a cabinet in my kitchen just for when I host gatherings.

I have been accused and found guilty of being “extra”.

Most of my friends mean it in a pretty positive light. For example, when one of my best friends needs Christmas trees for a photo session and I happen to have 6 she can borrow. Or when we do a girl’s trip and no one needs to know anything but to be awake at 6 am because I’ve already got our ride to the airport figured out, boarding passes downloaded and a full itinerary planned. No one complains then….

But sometimes, I have a few people (usually who I am not super close to) call me “extra” in a way that is meant to shame me. It is hard to explain… but it is almost like because I find joy (and I would even call it a gifting) in what they would say are superficial things that I am somehow “less than”. Or I am impractical or lack common sense. Or that I care more about the world and looks than people and Jesus.

I don’t think it helps that I have seen sermon after sermon, and a lot of devotionals about how you should be a Mary not a Martha. And no, I am not referring to Martha Stewart…. Although can we just pause to acknowledge that 1) what a coincidence both their names are Martha and 2) what a shame it is that there is an entire generation who probably doesn’t know who Martha Stewart is???? No lie, I was once asked if I could meet two people (dead or alive) who would I choose? And I seriously said Jesus and Martha Stewart….. anyways.

If you aren’t familiar with this particular part of the Bible, here it is:

38 As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. 39 She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. 40 But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

41 “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, 42 but few things are needed—or indeed only one.[a] Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:38-42

First, I’d like to take a pause here and insert my husband’s name into this passage at times for Mary…. I know it is a running joke that right before a party all husband’s find the most absurd thing to “help” with… like cleaning the gutters. My husband has taken it one step further and is now indoctrinating our kids. We were about to host people the other day and my oldest decided that was the perfect time to clean his room… nope, he decided he needed to use the backpack blower to rake leaves.

In all seriousness though I sympathize with Martha in this passage. She’s doing all the work, and she just wants some help. However, the Lord urgently says that Martha isn’t focused on the right thing, but Mary is. (I always choose to think Jesus said it not in a harsh, loud urgent way… but more of a “oh my dear child, listen to me” way).

Anyways, the gist is that Jesus wasn’t going to tell Mary to stop listening to Him in order to help Martha.

In a lot of devotionals and sermons on this passage it is pointed out that we all need to stop worrying about this world, and the to-do lists, and we need to rest in the eternal peace only Jesus can bring. We need to focus on the one thing that is needed. Jesus. Which is 100% true.

However……

Let me point out a few things.

  • Jesus went to MARTHA’S house. Not Mary’s, not their brother Lazarus’ house. Martha’s.

My non-bible school interpretation of this? Jesus was hungry and tired, and he knew Martha could cook and take care of him and his whole gang of friends. Do you know how rare it was that it was Martha’s house during that time? A woman’s house? Rare, friend, rare. Martha made Jesus and his disciples felt so taken care of that they dropped in (somewhat) unannounced. Probably more than once.

  • Martha was loved by Jesus.

In John 11, in another passage Martha’s brother was sick and ended up dying and Jesus took His time to get to them. In the description of the family (Martha, Mary, and Lazarus) it is said “Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus.” (John 11:5). I mean we are all loved by Jesus….. but it’s called out here to show just how close they are. Which means Martha knew God (and His word), loved God and loved His son, Jesus.

  • Jesus never told her to stop hosting or caring for others in her home…. She was told to stop worrying about it.

That might not seem like a big difference but to me it is.

A few years back I had a lot of shame when it came to this. I listened to those sermons and devotions saying, “Be a Mary in a Martha World”. So, I decided I’d try that advice. It was right before a party we were hosting. I remember vowing I was going to be a “Mary” not a “Martha”. I picked up the house a little, made some basic food, and settled in to sit like Mary did. Want to know what happened? My husband straight up panicked and thought I was mad at him because I didn’t give him his pre-party to-do list, my kids asked what activities I had planned, and I didn’t enjoy sitting as much as I thought I would.

My husband likes my to-do list (usually, I mean… as long as a house project isn’t on it), it tells him exactly what to do. In fact, if someone could tell me in detail exactly what to do I think I’d like that too.. anyways…. Also, my kids like when I plan fun traditions and make things special. And yes, they might get embarrassed taking in mini piñatas and nachos to their teachers, but you can bet they ask me what I am doing this year for their teachers.

Turns out I am a Martha.

And that is ok.

Jesus never asked Martha to not be Martha. Jesus saw Martha. Like He really saw her. He knew she was the one He could count on to take care of him. He knew she had an amazing gift for hosting and making people feel welcomed. AND He knows that the kingdom needs that. I mean most Churches have a whole hospitality team to make people feel welcomed and feel taken care of.

Christian’s all have a gift or talent we’ve been entrusted with to further God’s kingdom. Maybe yours is encouraging people, or maybe it is teaching, or helping or maybe it is healing, wisdom, prophecy, faith… there are several guys. And as it turns out in order to reach the MOST people to tell them about Jesus, we need all the gifts.

One person might shut down if you start teaching them right away. They might need to see you helping in action to realize they can trust the God you serve. But another person might need facts and truth, they value wisdom and although they acknowledge emotions, they like taking emotions out of decisions.

Here’s the thing, what Jesus was talking about to Martha… is that she needed to stop worrying about the task and focus on the reason. Not change her task per-se.

This means;

  • You might have to recognize that your need to be “right” or “seen” isn’t near as important as making sure the person comes to know Jesus.
  • You have to recognize when someone else’s gifting might be better in a situation. WE have to work together.
  • You can’t let your gifting be used for the wrong purpose or even “just because”. Your talent is a direct gift from God, use it for Him.
  • If you start to worry and stress about “doing” whatever you think you’re called to do, you need to re-exam if you have your priorities right.

Martha started to use her gift in a way that wasn’t accomplishing what she was meant to use it for. Her purpose was to serve Jesus. She did that usually very well, by serving his physical needs. But her sister is different and Martha can’t push that on her sister.

That’s what Jesus was telling Martha. He was saying; “Martha serve me whole heartedly, like your sister is doing right now.” He didn’t say serve me differently than how you are, just keep the main point the main point. Which is always Jesus.

I am proud to be a Martha. But from time to time, I do need the reminder that my calling is to be a child of God and to lead others to know Jesus, not to just host parties for no reason. However, if you do need a wooden sled to decorate with, themed dinnerware, baby girl shower décor, or just a place to drink fancy coffee from my coffee bar and talk about Jesus… I have that covered.

 

 

 

Faith

Hit Submit

Sam

This may come as a shock to you… but I am an opiniated, loud, and fiercely independent woman. Ha! If you’ve seen me watch any of my kids play sports or talk about budgets, this does not come as a shock to you.

Here’s the thing, I enjoy my career and it is a priority in my life. We also depend on my income and my husband’s. I like to share my thoughts, and sometimes I even have some good thoughts. I also don’t mind a good debate every now and then. And I have been known to call people out on things I feel are disrespectful. I don’t have any signs in my office that say Boss B, but I smile when I see those signs at Marshall’s. I also enjoy a good eyeroll when I don’t see women represented in certain leadership positions (*cough* School Board *cough*).

I believe, and I claim over my life that God made me this way. He made me passionate about the things I believe in and a desire to learn. He has blessed me with the career and job I have- which has led me to a stronger and more courageous faith. And He has flamed my desire to be independent and to teach others to be independent, so that at the end of the day we can rely solely on Him and be free of this world’s ways.

So imagine my utter surprise (and younger me’s utter disappointment) when He also told me I had to “submit” to my husband.

Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. (Colossians 3:18)

Or… this verse…

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. (Ephesians 5:22-24)

I won’t lie, I did my best for a good part of my life to ignore this. Clearly this message was not intended for women of today. I mean when the Bible was written it was from a time when women had little to no rights, so surly that part of the Bible was a little outdated.

Yeah, no. The Bible is as relevant today as it was then, and will have the same amount of relevancy 1,000 years from today. God does not change with the times. The World changes with the times, and we are called to not live for this World but instead for eternal life and our promise of life beyond our time here.

Furthermore, I can argue that Jesus was actually very respectful with His interactions with women at the time, compared to others in society… so if He said wives need to submit to their husbands, well, then wives need to submit.

Unfortunately, I am not super submissive. In fact, I’d say I was the opposite of submissive because I am a control freak. But it’s cool because God made me that way. I trust that there is a way to be both a strong and independent women….. and a submissive wife and child of God. And I *think* our society and the enemy likes to tell us the lie that we have to choose. I’ll actually go one step further and say that the enemy is absolutely afraid that we will stumble on the truth that we are ALL called to be both.  And if we do embrace being strong and free and submissive… well then we wouldn’t fall into his trap and he’d be powerless.

Anyways… let me first tell you through trial and error a few things submission is NOT.

  • It is not being quiet. (Thank the Lord)
  • It is not letting someone tell you what to do without regards to your feelings or wellbeing.
  • It is not following someone without questions.
  • It is not doing everything from cleaning to cooking to childrearing to (fill in the blank) without expecting any help and with a smile on your face.
  • It is not being co-dependent.
  • It is not being a martyr.
  • It is not denying who God designed you to be… even if that person is loud (passionate) and independent (free).

There are a lot of other things submission is not. But from my very brief dabble in it, these are some things I’ve found submission IS.

  • It is asking your husband his opinion before your friends.
  • It is surrounding yourself with friends who build up their husbands.
  • It is supporting him and singing his praises.
  • It is giving him words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, quality time, and physical touch.
  • It is praying for him and with him.
  • It is valuing his ideas and being thankful to his contributions to the household.
  • It is respecting him and not coveting a quality in him that is not there.
  • It is being a good reflection of him and complementing his identity.
  • It is being a united front.
  • It is trying to understand him.
  • It is learning from him.
  • It is holding him accountable.
  • It is accepting his love towards you.

Submission is between a wife and a husband because there is a covenant (or agreement) set up. So let me be clear. If one person is not holding up their end of the agreement, then the other part of the agreement or covenant starts to become void or needs restoration. So. If a wife or husband is being abused mentally, physically, or emotionally that’s a breakdown in the covenant. If there has been immoral conduct. That is a breakdown in the covenant.

God asks His people who have agreed to be in covenant with Him to obey His rules and submit to Him. If there is a breakdown in that agreement, if we can’t obey and submit, a new covenant has to be forged.

Spoiler alert…… we have broken our covenant with God a lot. Like so much. It started in the Garden of Eden and it continues today with every decision we make to be further away from Him.

You know what God calls our husbands to do for us, their wives? He says “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church”. You know what his ultimate display of love was? A sacrifice. We messed up our covenant with God so much that the only way to fix it. The only way to continue to have a relationship with God, was for either us or God to restore the covenant. God never broke the agreement. We did. So God did what no mother or father or grandparent or care giver in their right mind would do, and made a sacrifice so big, so pure, and so perfect…… He sacrificed His Son so that we could start anew. The sacrifice to end all sacrifices. And our end of the new agreement? We have to love God. And to love God is to know that His Son died on the cross to wipe away all our wrongs…..

Whew… to bring it all back around. Ladies, between the two of us- husbands and wives. We got the better end of the deal. We’ve got to submit. And yeah, that might be hard, especially when he hasn’t taken out the trash like he said he would 2 days ago….. but he’s called to sacrifice for us….. just like God sacrificed for us.

 

Faith

The Rich Fool

Sam

For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. James 3:16

Because writing this blog has been like ripping off a band-aid…. I thought why not just add one more confession to the never ending list of things I have (sometimes still do) struggle with. I am not sure how to gently glide into this subject- so instead I am just going to share a story with you…..

So, my dad used to own about 55 acres that he inherited, this was half of the entire farm my grandma and grandpa owned before they passed away. It was where I spent a majority of my childhood. It has a creek in the back, hills, pasture fields, crops, wild blackberry bushes, and some of the best memories of when I was a kid.

At one point it was my dad’s dream to build there- but life just didn’t give him that opportunity. He was always generous with the land though and at one point offered Kyle and I some land to build on around the same time we bought our first house. We weren’t in the position financially that we could build at that point so we instead bought a house closer to where my husband worked and realized that was the area God was calling us to.

Fast forward a few years and we were at a point where we were deciding what do to about our house. We were constantly looking at houses and just trying to figure out what was next for our family. My older brother was at this point too and he had settled on building. His kids were going to the school district the land my dad owned was in, and my brother had the same dream as my dad to build on the property that had been in our family for generations. So my dad gifted him all 55 acres. My dad asked me first if I’d be mad about it. But my brother and I had seen families divided over inheritances and we promised we wouldn’t do that.

To recap:

  • We were offered the land at one point in time.
  • It wasn’t in the school district or area where it made sense for us to build.
  • My brother actually wanted the land so he could use it.

So between the pact I made with my brother and the fact that I never fully intended to do anything with the land I said it didn’t bother me. Guess what? It did bother me. Oh and what’s more it escalated even further with every update I received on the gorgeous house my brother was building.

My jealousy quickly turned to every evil practice- like James so wisely points out in the Bible. I started judging my brother, I’d turn my nose up to certain things he did, and I gossiped and let more than one person know all of this. In fact, a decent amount of my friends sympathized and agreed with me. I was being wronged.

I let this irrational jealousy that my brother got something I didn’t build up to a point that I was angry at my brother (who did nothing wrong) and my dad (who also did nothing wrong). I wasn’t entitled to that land, my dad could do whatever he wanted with it.  And my brother was just doing what was best for his family- something I should want because they were my family too.

Finally, I was kind of at a boiling point and I yelled at my dad at Skyline- the place we go after church every Sunday, because he had the audacity to tell me I was acting jealous. Once we were in the car Kyle told me I had to let it go. What was done was done, and that our family (Kyle, the boys, and I) were going to be OK no matter if we had that land or not. FYI, that wasn’t what I wanted to hear.

Usually, at the first sign of trouble you should go to God. Actually, at the sign of joy, sorrow, trouble or just because it’s a Tuesday you should go to God. But I was so deep in my jealous rampage and I didn’t want to hear what God had to say so He was the last person I turned to. But after my hissy fit in Skyline and pouting on the ride home because Kyle didn’t tell me what I wanted to hear I decided that I would try to stop being jealous. I wish you could see me writing this because you’d know that the “try” I am talking about includes deep sighs and eye rolling.

However, God is really good to me. He truly chases after me and tries to herd me back into His flock when I go astray. Because the next week (post dramatic Skyline meltdown) I was in charge of teaching Sunday School at church and the story our curriculum said I had to teach was Luke 12:13-21. I wasn’t familiar with this parable so maybe you aren’t either- let me just tell you what the first verse is…

Someone in the crowd said to him, “Teacher, tell my brother to divide the inheritance with me.”

Jesus replied, “Man, who appointed me a judge or an arbiter between you?” Then he said to them, “Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; life does not consist in an abundance of possessions.”

The name of this parable is called The Rich Fool. I have tears in my eyes telling you all this. Guys, I am such a rich fool. I have an abundance of things, material things that mean nothing. And I have real things that mean everything. I have a husband who guides me daily to be a better person. I have kids who are witty and loving- ones who ask me for 6 hugs a day then after I give them those 6 hugs they tell me they meant 7 hugs. I have a career that I still pinch myself that I was given. I have the best friends- even ones who are nice enough to feel wronged for me! I have family (biological, adopted, and married into) that show me everyday how much they love me and give me unconditional support.

To think that at one point I was letting my jealousy of something material like land get in the way of some of the most important relationships in my life: with my dad and my brother and most importantly God. I can’t help but know that if I was in the crowd that day with Jesus he would have yelled at me that I was being foolish. That I wasn’t concentrating on what really mattered and was instead giving into greed. Thankfully, through His grace I was given yet another chance to put away my jealousy and just rely on Him. He gave my heart comfort and he gave me peace. In fact, verse 17 in James 3 that I shared at the beginning of this post continues on and says “But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.”

Maybe you aren’t struggling with jealousy over land, or maybe you don’t even struggle with jealousy at all. But is there something on your heart right now that you just can’t shake? An offense that you keep bringing up? Let me save you from an awkward Skyline temper tantrum; God can replace your jealousy, envy, or whatever offense you carry and give you hope, peace, and a love that is full of mercy. I don’t know about you, but I am trying to get better at taking Him up on His offer.

Faith

God is greater than Santa.

Sam

Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:26

You didn’t read that wrong. God is greater than Santa. Although, I also believe he is much greater than Satan too, my kids don’t know much about Satan yet. They do know about Santa in all his red suit glory though. He’s the man who brings them tangible gifts on Christmas morning. He comes down a chimney, he has reindeer, he likes cookies and milk, you know…. Santa. So when my 6 year old and 4 year old declared God was greater than Santa I felt like mom of the year. No, mom of the decade. I could just quit parenting right then because my kids got it. They were able to rationalize that without God there would be no Santa. To you this may not be a big deal but to them it was. They have physically received something from Santa before. They’ve seen the cookies gone on Christmas morning and they’ve even sat on Santa’s lap. However, God is someone they know about, and although I feel His presence and see Him all around, I can’t be sure that my kids fully grasp that. In fact the conversation pretty much took a sharp u-turn after their amazing declaration because the middle child started asking me if God could juggle. So maybe don’t engrave the “mom of the decade” trophy with my name just yet.

My kids do have a tendency to point out my flaws though. You see I am equally parts “God is the most powerful” and then turning around questioning if God can “juggle” or if he can be trusted to protect my kids at school, if I can trust Him with my finances, or questioning Him why bad things happen to good people.

I told you already I had major control issues, but let me introduce you to my other wonderful flaw: I don’t know God enough to know how powerful He is.

Every time I turn around I am limiting God. I view Him through a human lens. For example for me it is sometimes tough to love someone, not judge them but hold them accountable, and stand firm in my beliefs so that I don’t seem lukewarm (Revelations 3:16). So usually I just pick one of those things to concentrate on. It’s too complicated to be ALL the things God asks me to be, so I usually just concentrate on one area and make sure I am being all in all a good person. One of the problems with this mentality is that it means I sometimes forget that God can be all those things. Because I can’t do it I ridiculously assume God can’t do it.

Not only is this probably highly offensive to God but I know this isn’t what God wants. He’s tired of me compartmentalizing Him. He’s probably rolled His eyes at me 100 times saying “Sam are we seriously having this conversation again?”. He’s led me more times than I can count to the perfect verse to calm my soul. He’s taken care of things I didn’t even know I needed taken care of. He’s loved me, nudged me when I’m not being who He created me to be, and He’s had the most consistent character of anyone I’ve ever known. He’s all the things at once, and He’s not just like that with me but with everyone. Yikes. I can barely keep up with 1 husband and 3 kids let alone everyone.

The positive thing is that He’s constantly giving me chances to see how great He is. When tough issues arise that I honestly don’t know which side I’m on, He gently reminds me that I can ask for wisdom. He knows I am not going to understand it all. He knows I will fall short. Oh and He knows I am never going to totally get it. But He wants me to get it.

He wants me to understand Him a little more every day. He knows if I get to know His character more then:

1) I will love Him more- because how couldn’t you? When I discover new things my kids can do it literally makes my heart so full and happy. I love them more day after day. The same is true for God, the more you know Him the more you love Him.

2) If I know what His character is I would know how He would respond. Which would make my life a lot easier.

So how do I get to know Him better? It’s kind of sad to me that I keep forgetting that there is an actual manual for life. I can’t tell you how many times when my kids were babies I would complain to my mom that there was no book that told you how to do it exactly. She’d always laugh and tell me it is because she has yet to see a book about babies written by the expert themselves: the baby. That’s not the case with God. He’s given us a book written by the expert. He’s laid out every single scenario possible and told us what would make our life easier. And because He knew we’d question it, He sent down His son to say “yes, actually it is possible. Maybe not for you but through me it is”.

I can’t promise to always remember what God is capable of. What I can promise myself, and what I would love to encourage you to do also, is to try to know Him a little more each day. Maybe tomorrow we might remember that God is greater than Santa and He can juggle too.

Family

The snake catcher.

Sam

I hate snakes. Like seriously– snakes are terrible. They are cold blooded, which I always associate with being a killer. They climb trees, but they have 0 arms or legs. And how the heck do they swim on top of the water??? Unnatural. They creep along and are mostly camouflaged so you never know when you will be attacked by one. I’ve actually never been attacked by one, but I did have one CRAWL over my bare foot when I was walking in my back yard once- so pretty much the same thing. I like it when people tell me “they are more afraid of you than you are of them”. I disagree. If that snake was afraid of me it wouldn’t have had the nerve to invade my personal space like it did.

I think this stems back to my childhood when my older brother would catch baby snakes and throw them at me. The fear escalated when I would go over to my aunt’s house and her two boys, my cousins, would randomly catch snakes and bring them in her house.

So when God blessed me with not 1 but 3 little boys I had serious post-traumatic flash backs to how the boys in my family couldn’t get enough of the evil creatures.

This  real ugly fear of snakes was something I was determined to not pass down to my boys. At the zoo I finally acknowledged there was a reptile house and even ventured in there from time to time. When a picture of a snake came up in a book we were reading or Wild Kratts showed how Python mothers lay all these eggs and then like the terrible creatures they are abandon them, I hid my gags. My kids quickly caught on though that their mom wasn’t a huge fan of snakes.

Unfortunately, instead of me passing down this particular fear to them, I instead passed down my humor. Because now it was a game. One time the oldest was walking through the zoo and they had a snake you could pet. He slyly looked at me and said “Mom, I want to pet it.” so instead of panic I started grabbing the hand-sanitizer so that I could wash his hands of that filth as soon as he touched it. Then the little snake (the kid, not the actual snake) said “but it’s big. Can you touch it first?” Blah. So like the good mother I pretend to be on Facebook I touched it. Then my own flesh and blood started to walk away. My eyes got so big and I am sure CPS was about to be called when he turned around and said “I changed my mind I don’t want to touch it.” Still to this day he’s not in the will because of this little trick.

Ah, it gets better though. From time to time my middle child will be hiking, playing in a creek, or just having fun outside. Then all of a sudden he’ll make a bee-line for something. 9 out of 10 times he pops up with a little snake in his hands. Yes, I have a snake catcher living in my house.

Isn’t that how life is though? We have a plan, it includes avoiding anything that could cause us to stumble and also takes a hard turn when we encounter something we fear.

Fear is a big motivator for me. At one point in my life I was so fearful of becoming a mom that I told Kyle I didn’t want kids. I felt I wouldn’t be a very good mom (still debatable) and I wasn’t a natural at it like other people I’ve seen. Once I had kids, I became fearful of this world in a way that is hard to explain. I gave up watching the news because of how sad it was, I wouldn’t let my kids go with anyone but a few trusted people and once that even included my own dad because I thought he might get into a car wreck. Because, you know, I’m immune to getting into car accidents.

It also manifested in an ugly way of being over critical of my kids. I’m not joking when I say that I am not a natural mother. From the time I was pregnant to now I am constantly researching all things motherhood, asking people how to parent, and in general just winging it. I’d take lists to my OB of questions I had. But they actually weren’t questions, they were fears. Did I weigh too much to have a healthy pregnancy? I had low iron- so how will that effect the baby? Should I start a gestational diabetic eating plan at 10 weeks- because I might have it? Can you tell if I’ll need a c-section? What can I do now to ensure that I’ll be able to breastfeed?

When I had my son it didn’t get better. Was he making eye contact appropriately? Did he have enough muscle mass? Is he eating enough? Is he hitting milestones like he should? My sister was an early childhood intervention specialist- so you better believe I made her do evaluations on my kid. I was constantly reading to him, making him play developmentally appropriate games, and in all honesty trying to condition him into the perfect child. I think all moms go through this a little bit but I think I might have been taking it to an extreme.

You know why I didn’t want my fear of snakes to pass down to my kids? Because I didn’t want to limit them. I didn’t want a fear of snakes to keep them from enjoying swimming in a pond (which I still will not do to this day). I didn’t want them to not want to go on a hike because they might see a snake. I didn’t want them to miss out on something enjoyable because of fear. It was so easy to identify my fear of snakes. It was harder to realize I had a deep fear of being a mom, or a fear of screwing up my kids. I was turning something amazing like motherhood into something not as enjoyable because of my constant fears of if I was doing it right. The hardest part? I realized I might be pushing those fears on my kids. I was making them anxious. The oldest started biting his nails and you could tell he felt a pressure to behave a certain way. It was my worst fear- I screwed up my kid.

It didn’t happen right away but little by little I gave my fear up. I tried to consciously not let fear dictate my life. How? Well for me, I did it by calling out the fear and prayerfully giving it to God. I also let my kids see me pray about it and talk about it. I wanted them to know that even though I was nervous about something it wasn’t going to stop me from going about my day.

Maybe you too have fear that keeps you from enjoying things like you should. Maybe you’re at the step where you need to identify what that fear might be. What trait do you not want to pass down to your kids? Is it your fear of snakes? Or something more?

little boy with snake
My little snake catcher.

 

Faith

An open letter to the mom who skips church.

Sam
Photo Credit: Jenn Shreve Photography

 

Hi friend,

I’ve invited you to small group for a while now. You sometimes ignore my text or call, sometimes you answer me and say maybe, and sometimes you say yes- but we both know you aren’t coming.

You see, I know you have a sweet baby at home. One that is still nursing. One that still needs you and only you to tuck them in. One that you haven’t seen all day because you are at work and miss your baby so much that as soon as you get home you can’t possibly think about leaving them again.

I see how hard you work to give your baby just the right amount of kisses and cuddles. You make sure you’ve read to them each night. You know you only have a small window that they are little and you need to soak up as much time with them as possible.

I know this season of life is tough. I know you are juggling hungry babies, moody toddlers, and independent-think-they-don’t-need-you-anymore little kids. So I know you skip church more than you’d like. You don’t want to impose your child’s tantrums on the nursery volunteer and most Sundays the kids distract you too much to actually get anything out of a sermon.

I was you, I am you.

Oh, how I know how hard it is to get the kids out of the house on time. Some days I swear it is my boys sole objective to see how many times I can tell them to get dressed. Surely they are keeping a tally of the times I yell and they are just trying to see if they can beat their all time record.

I also know time slips by way too fast. I still can’t believe that my oldest is in school. I miss him. I mean I miss him being a baby- reflux and all. I miss his tantrums, although he still has them from time to time, they aren’t quite as sweet as his pouting wails because I broke his granola bar in two.

I understand why you don’t come to small group and I feel you on a gut level of why you avoid church. I know you’ll come when life isn’t so hectic. Or when your baby doesn’t need you as much.

But what I need to tell you is that your baby needs you to go to small group. Those babies need to scream at those nursery volunteers. Ok, maybe that is a stretch but hear me out.

There is going to come a time where you need to know your identity is not defined by your kids. This might manifest because one of your kids does something terrible and you need to know that your kids make their own choices (good and bad) and it does not matter how amazing their upbringing was. They aren’t perfect and mistakes will be made. You need to know that your kids mistakes aren’t all your fault.

There will come a time where you find yourself with more free time than you had before. Maybe it is while sitting at a t-ball practice, but I promise you, you will not always be nursing or rocking a baby to sleep. It is during these times a small whisper will say “now what?”.

You need a tribe of friends to help you navigate these things. They will calm your soul and say sweet things like “I know”. They won’t try to fix you, they’ll just cry with you. Your pain will be their pain, you will share joy and laughter like you’ve never experienced. You’ll learn together how to get through the struggles of life by relying on the truths God laid out for you to follow.

Your kids need to see this. There will be a day when they aren’t guided 100% by you. They’ll be influenced by their friends. They need to know how to pick good friends. They need to see what that looks like. That it isn’t a one sided relationship, that a real friend is your cheerleader and a real friend truly cares about your happiness. They are a friend who holds you accountable– and sometimes that means telling you “that’s not how you’re supposed to act”.

Though church might be hard right now, you need to try. As a mom I know you know this but they aren’t going to stay this little forever. This season of tantrums when you drop them off will slowly fade, they won’t always scream “let me down” while their baby brother is being dedicated in front of the church, and they won’t always make a bee line for the drums on stage. The church needs to see them in all their glory. Sometimes I think it’s because God needs a chuckle that day. But I know it’s also because when you see a child grow up before your eyes, you are more invested in that child. Your child needs people who are looking out for them against this world.

Also, sweet momma, sometimes God repays you for your faithfulness and provides you amazing moments. Moments so tender you think you can’t possibly love any deeper. Moments where your six year old and four year old have discussions in the car about how strong God is and declare loudly that God is better than Santa because without God there would be no Santa. You need those moments.

But I understand why you’re just not quite ready yet. I know you, when God nudges you, you’ll follow. Until then please know I wished you’d join me at church- mostly because I’m tired of it always being my kids who try to blow out the advent candles but also because your kids need you to be there.

Faith, Family, Farmhouse

First things first.

Sam

So you’ve decided to check out just another farmhouse blog? I know you. You are either a family member (hi mom!) or friend who’ve I shamelessly begged to follow me, or like me obsessed with all things farmhouse. You’ve checked out the other 503+ blogs out there about how to build your dream farmhouse and now you’ve stumbled on mine- which to be honest probably isn’t too different than all the others. So why should you keep checking in here? I mean what is different? I’m going to be real. I am not a professional Christian, wife, mother, crafter, photographer, construction guru, or interior designer.

Needless to say my photo editing skills include begging one of my best friends to take pictures for me, or using Instagram filters. So if you want beautiful farmhouse photos this is not the place for that. I think my pictures are OK and they are real– like I might forget to move a highchair out of the way of a photo I post. My decorating skills are on par with my budget- basically really sound in a structural type of way but not excessive.

My abilities as a mom, or crafter, or chef are limited. I work really, really, really hard to keep my kids alive, dressed (which is harder than you think- or maybe you too have toddlers who love to be naked), fed, semi-clean, and well-rounded. But I pretty much fail daily on this. Except the keeping the kids alive. I do that, but barely. So if you are here to learn how to cook from scratch, raise perfect kids who go to Church and don’t try to light it on fire, or sew homemade costumes- well let me introduce you to other blogs for that or my personal favorite amazon.com.

As far as a wife goes….. Kyle (my husband) hasn’t complained. Well, let me rephrase he hasn’t complained to me. Honestly though, in Kyle’s words “we get along so well because I am easy going”. He’s the calm to my storm, the practical to my wild, and all in all really is easy going. I try. I really do. Like in all areas of my life sometimes I’m a really amazing supportive wife and other times I’m just a supportive wife- and then when times get a little overwhelming I’m just a wife.

So what can I promise you here? Well, I think I can promise you some honesty and some realistic budgets for building your dream house. I feel like sometimes what is lacking on sites is the authentic budgets. Like I see the ones that are 4,000 square feet and a million dollars to build or ones where you build it yourself and spend $50K on a $500K house. This place will be as middle of the road as possible. AND because it is my place to post- I will also share a few things on faith and family– because honestly the farmhouse part doesn’t do much for me without the other two.

Thanks for stopping in and I hope you enjoy!

– Sam

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