Tag: #controlissues

Faith, Family

I Wish I Didn’t Know That

Sam

Almost 5 years ago to the day my husband got called out to fix a main break late at night. This isn’t unusual… in fact I can’t recall a night in the last 10 years that he hasn’t got a work call. Especially when it is raining or the electric goes out- He’s guaranteed an auto call from the Waste Water Plant just to let him know that it is not happy with the rain.

Anyways… he leaves, I get the boys into bed, and then I proceed to watch my phone for a few hours because I don’t really sleep that well on nights he gets called in. Around 11 or 12, I get a call from my husband’s phone- but it isn’t him. Instead, it was an EMT calling to let me know there was an accident and they were taking him to main campus UC… which means right away I knew they were passing 2 hospitals. I also knew UC meant trauma. And since it wasn’t my husband telling me this, you can imagine where my mind went. I ended up asking the most basic question which was “is he alive?”. They said yes, and he’d be fine, but he had an injury involving his face.

Long story short- he was so blessed. The saw he was using jammed up and kicked back into his face. From his nose, down his right cheek, to just above his jugular vein he had cut his face. UC was the best place to go because of the plastic surgeon, who was very excited to work on him because, and I quote “usually they die from this injury, so we never get to do this type of surgery”. Yay us!

My husband was the worst patient ever. He literally thought that they would throw some stitches on his face and be on his way… back to work to finish the dig. Then when he came home from the hospital he thought mowing the grass would be a good idea….. I can’t roll my eyes enough.

I also found out that when the accident happened the first thing he did was take a selfie because he wanted to share it on an OSHA social media page where they commiserate on accidents.

He also showed me (and anyone who wanted to see), the picture of half his face falling off.

I politely told him “ewwww I wish I didn’t see that”.

Today, this week, this month, this year…. There are so many things I wish I didn’t see and I wish I didn’t know. I can turn on the news (which I refuse to watch, yay AI which helps me with alerts on safe drama free topics I want to see), or I can go to social media, or turn the radio on, or just listen to a friend or family member talk and I will be faced with a dozen different things that make me twitch.

I don’t think we were meant for this. The constant in your face drama and highlights of things happening in the world that kick in your flight, fight, or freeze response. Actually, I know we weren’t.

Do you know where I think we went wrong?

In 1440-1450 when the printing press was invented? Nah.

1876? I don’t think the telephone was our problem.

The 1890s with the radio or the 1920s when the TV started to become a thing? Nope.

2004 with the boom of social media? Surprisingly, no. It certainly doesn’t help- but it isn’t where it went wrong.

I think it went wrong here:

Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?”

The woman said to the serpent, “We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, 3 but God did say, ‘You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.’”

“You will not certainly die,” the serpent said to the woman. 5 “For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” (Genesis 3:1-4)

Interesting enough, sometimes we skip the part where God admits that yes- the serpent was right, by eating the forbidden fruit Adam and Eve did know good and evil. I mean the serpent didn’t tell them the whole truth, but the part about now knowing good and evil? That was correct. So, they were kicked out of the garden.

You know what we knew before that fateful day?

Only good.

The only relationship we had was one with God, who provided goodness. That’s how we were designed. That’s why I can confidently say that if it is good, it is God.

There’s a reason why our flight, fight, or freeze instincts kick in when we see terrible things happen. There’s a reason why we get PTSD when we see something traumatic or experience trauma.

We weren’t designed to endure it in the first place.

So where do we go from here? Evil is now present. We live with it every day. We can tell moment by moment that we live in a broken, fallen world. What do we do? What’s our next step? How do we live in a place we weren’t supposed to live in? How do I raise my kids in a world that can and will hurt them?

Well, in that same chapter- before God even dealt out the punishment for sin to Adam and Eve… He had the plan.

So the Lord God said to the serpent, “Because you have done this,

“Cursed are you above all livestock
and all wild animals!
You will crawl on your belly
and you will eat dust
all the days of your life.
And I will put enmity
between you and the woman,
and between your offspring[a] and hers;
he will crush[b] your head,
and you will strike his heel.” (Genesis 3:14-15)

The Bible from beginning to end, points to one thing. Jesus. That’s what it means by “he will crush your head”. The “he” is Jesus, and the plan from the beginning was for Jesus to defeat our sin, defeat our death, and return us to the garden one day.

So for me today, and every day- to the best of my ability (which I hope gets better and better each day), I plan to take Jesus up on His offer to fight the evil of this world. That means my only responsibility is to believe this, and be more and more like Jesus, the perfect Teacher.

So how do I become more and more like Jesus? Personally, I’d start with the Truth, which is the Bible.

  • Keep His commands, obey the word. (1 John 2:3-6)
  • Your actions should point to faith, goodness, knowledge, self-control, perseverance, godliness, mutual affection, and love. (2 Peter 1:5-9)
  • Love people. (1 John 2:9-11, John 13:34-35, Romans 12:10, Romans 13:8, Galatians 5:13, Ephesians 4:2….. and guess what there’s more times the Bible says that then just these verses)
  • So, I say again… LOVE PEOPLE.

Guys. There is not a day that will go by that something horrible doesn’t happen. Some injustices feel worse than others, but evil is now in this world, and it is here to destroy, distract, divide, and deal out death.

But Jesus already won this battle. Jesus already defeated the evil. So, please let Jesus take away all the things you shouldn’t have to deal with, all the things you weren’t made for. Give it to Him. That’s what I am going to try and do today and tomorrow, and the next day.

And honestly, I probably will also spend less time on the tools, like social media and the news, that try to show us more than we were meant to see… especially that OSHA Facebook page.

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Faith

I have control issues.

Sam

There are two things that I have always said keep me from having a better relationship with God: control and not realizing how powerful God is. You might be thinking- wow! only two things?! This person has it together! Or maybe you are a rock star Christian and you are already scrolling to the comment section to provide me with the perfect Bible versus. Whichever camp you are in, hear me out here as I try to dive into one of my major struggles..

Relax, nothing is under control- unknown

I think that a majority of our worldly struggles come in the form of control. Either we thrive off it, we give it to someone who doesn’t deserve it (our kids, our spouse, social media, etc.), or better yet we don’t give it to who actually should have it.


Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Philippians 4:6

I basically have all these control issues. All of them.

Have you ever made a to-do list for your to-do list? No? Well, how about put things on your list just to be able to cross it off? Or the thoughts “if I just try a little harder”, “if I just could get my husband to clean up after himself a little”, or “if I can just get the kids to listen”. Maybe it comes out like this: if I can just power my way through this hard part of my life- it will all be OK.

I have a thought every other day (or every other hour) that starts with the word I when it comes to whatever part of my life that’s hit a rough patch. I put a lot of power into what I can do in a situation.

I thrive off control. I really do. When I feel in control of a situation life is a little better. When I tell my kids what to do and they do it, I feel powerful. When I get to sit at my desk at work and accomplish my to-do list in an orderly fashion the world is amazing! My husband, who is truly a gift from God, is great about giving into my control. He knows it means more to me than him, so he lets go of the things he can’t control. I mean who wouldn’t like to feel in control of what happens to them?

But do you know what the issue of thriving off control (or back in my un-Christian like days I liked to call a Type-A personality) creates? It means that when I am not in control the world is terrible. When my kids have been told to get buckled in the car 14 times and instead are looking for a lost toy under the seat, or my husband remembers the 3 things he was supposed to do right before we leave the house (like take the trash out) and makes us late, or work is a hot mess of fires to put out- so much so that I can’t even do my daily tasks……well… I feel out of control. When I feel out of control I yell, I become bitter, I am not the wife, mom, or friend I know I was designed to be.

Or how about a worst case scenario. Something truly terrible happens. Like a child’s sickness, a close family member or friend’s death, or someone who you trusted takes advantage of that trust. What is your reaction when you can’t control a situation like that? It breaks you. And if it doesn’t break you- you are constantly looking for the part in the situation that you can control. Now don’t get me wrong- looking for the parts you can control is a great coping mechanism and is a needed life skill. What I am talking about is how needing control can control you.

I don’t want this yo-yo of back and forth emotions where one minute I am happy because I am in control and the next I am not. I don’t want my happiness to depend on other people either, like when my kids are good (and I use this term lightly) then I feel like a good mom or if my marriage is not doing the best then that must mean I am a failure. I want to be a naturally happy person.

So how do you become happy? Although, there are so many examples I can give you, I choose to leave you with this: Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth (Matthew 5:5).

God wants you to be happy. He has filled pages upon pages of words with encouragement and instruction of how to do so. In Matthew he even writes us a to-do list (control freaks rejoice!) One way of obtaining that happiness is to become meek, or submissive. Simply put: you give it to God.

I challenge you to give up your fear, your control issues, any and all crosses you bear and follow Him. I can’t speak for you, but I know I am happier because of it.