Tag: #farmhouse

Faith

Extra, Extra

Sam

Last Thanksgiving my friend put out a text message to our small group asking if anyone had a fancy place setting that they could use for a video for church. We all know that the text was meant for one person and one person only… me. Of course, I have holiday place settings around my table that we must move every time we eat because my kids are heathens when eating and I don’t want my place settings to actually be used…. They are just for looks. Duh.

Do I also do matching PJs on Christmas morning? Yes. Family Halloween costumes? You know it. Matching shirts we all wear on vacations? Usually. Did I throw my dog a 1st birthday party? I wanted an excuse to have cake. Elaborate teacher gifts? Look, they deserve the most elaborate gift in the world for dealing with my kids.

I wear makeup most days, curl my hair, and have worn heals to a bonfire.

I have a closet that is full of gifts in case someone springs a party on me last minute and I also have a cabinet in my kitchen just for when I host gatherings.

I have been accused and found guilty of being “extra”.

Most of my friends mean it in a pretty positive light. For example, when one of my best friends needs Christmas trees for a photo session and I happen to have 6 she can borrow. Or when we do a girl’s trip and no one needs to know anything but to be awake at 6 am because I’ve already got our ride to the airport figured out, boarding passes downloaded and a full itinerary planned. No one complains then….

But sometimes, I have a few people (usually who I am not super close to) call me “extra” in a way that is meant to shame me. It is hard to explain… but it is almost like because I find joy (and I would even call it a gifting) in what they would say are superficial things that I am somehow “less than”. Or I am impractical or lack common sense. Or that I care more about the world and looks than people and Jesus.

I don’t think it helps that I have seen sermon after sermon, and a lot of devotionals about how you should be a Mary not a Martha. And no, I am not referring to Martha Stewart…. Although can we just pause to acknowledge that 1) what a coincidence both their names are Martha and 2) what a shame it is that there is an entire generation who probably doesn’t know who Martha Stewart is???? No lie, I was once asked if I could meet two people (dead or alive) who would I choose? And I seriously said Jesus and Martha Stewart….. anyways.

If you aren’t familiar with this particular part of the Bible, here it is:

38 As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. 39 She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. 40 But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

41 “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, 42 but few things are needed—or indeed only one.[a] Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:38-42

First, I’d like to take a pause here and insert my husband’s name into this passage at times for Mary…. I know it is a running joke that right before a party all husband’s find the most absurd thing to “help” with… like cleaning the gutters. My husband has taken it one step further and is now indoctrinating our kids. We were about to host people the other day and my oldest decided that was the perfect time to clean his room… nope, he decided he needed to use the backpack blower to rake leaves.

In all seriousness though I sympathize with Martha in this passage. She’s doing all the work, and she just wants some help. However, the Lord urgently says that Martha isn’t focused on the right thing, but Mary is. (I always choose to think Jesus said it not in a harsh, loud urgent way… but more of a “oh my dear child, listen to me” way).

Anyways, the gist is that Jesus wasn’t going to tell Mary to stop listening to Him in order to help Martha.

In a lot of devotionals and sermons on this passage it is pointed out that we all need to stop worrying about this world, and the to-do lists, and we need to rest in the eternal peace only Jesus can bring. We need to focus on the one thing that is needed. Jesus. Which is 100% true.

However……

Let me point out a few things.

  • Jesus went to MARTHA’S house. Not Mary’s, not their brother Lazarus’ house. Martha’s.

My non-bible school interpretation of this? Jesus was hungry and tired, and he knew Martha could cook and take care of him and his whole gang of friends. Do you know how rare it was that it was Martha’s house during that time? A woman’s house? Rare, friend, rare. Martha made Jesus and his disciples felt so taken care of that they dropped in (somewhat) unannounced. Probably more than once.

  • Martha was loved by Jesus.

In John 11, in another passage Martha’s brother was sick and ended up dying and Jesus took His time to get to them. In the description of the family (Martha, Mary, and Lazarus) it is said “Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus.” (John 11:5). I mean we are all loved by Jesus….. but it’s called out here to show just how close they are. Which means Martha knew God (and His word), loved God and loved His son, Jesus.

  • Jesus never told her to stop hosting or caring for others in her home…. She was told to stop worrying about it.

That might not seem like a big difference but to me it is.

A few years back I had a lot of shame when it came to this. I listened to those sermons and devotions saying, “Be a Mary in a Martha World”. So, I decided I’d try that advice. It was right before a party we were hosting. I remember vowing I was going to be a “Mary” not a “Martha”. I picked up the house a little, made some basic food, and settled in to sit like Mary did. Want to know what happened? My husband straight up panicked and thought I was mad at him because I didn’t give him his pre-party to-do list, my kids asked what activities I had planned, and I didn’t enjoy sitting as much as I thought I would.

My husband likes my to-do list (usually, I mean… as long as a house project isn’t on it), it tells him exactly what to do. In fact, if someone could tell me in detail exactly what to do I think I’d like that too.. anyways…. Also, my kids like when I plan fun traditions and make things special. And yes, they might get embarrassed taking in mini piñatas and nachos to their teachers, but you can bet they ask me what I am doing this year for their teachers.

Turns out I am a Martha.

And that is ok.

Jesus never asked Martha to not be Martha. Jesus saw Martha. Like He really saw her. He knew she was the one He could count on to take care of him. He knew she had an amazing gift for hosting and making people feel welcomed. AND He knows that the kingdom needs that. I mean most Churches have a whole hospitality team to make people feel welcomed and feel taken care of.

Christian’s all have a gift or talent we’ve been entrusted with to further God’s kingdom. Maybe yours is encouraging people, or maybe it is teaching, or helping or maybe it is healing, wisdom, prophecy, faith… there are several guys. And as it turns out in order to reach the MOST people to tell them about Jesus, we need all the gifts.

One person might shut down if you start teaching them right away. They might need to see you helping in action to realize they can trust the God you serve. But another person might need facts and truth, they value wisdom and although they acknowledge emotions, they like taking emotions out of decisions.

Here’s the thing, what Jesus was talking about to Martha… is that she needed to stop worrying about the task and focus on the reason. Not change her task per-se.

This means;

  • You might have to recognize that your need to be “right” or “seen” isn’t near as important as making sure the person comes to know Jesus.
  • You have to recognize when someone else’s gifting might be better in a situation. WE have to work together.
  • You can’t let your gifting be used for the wrong purpose or even “just because”. Your talent is a direct gift from God, use it for Him.
  • If you start to worry and stress about “doing” whatever you think you’re called to do, you need to re-exam if you have your priorities right.

Martha started to use her gift in a way that wasn’t accomplishing what she was meant to use it for. Her purpose was to serve Jesus. She did that usually very well, by serving his physical needs. But her sister is different and Martha can’t push that on her sister.

That’s what Jesus was telling Martha. He was saying; “Martha serve me whole heartedly, like your sister is doing right now.” He didn’t say serve me differently than how you are, just keep the main point the main point. Which is always Jesus.

I am proud to be a Martha. But from time to time, I do need the reminder that my calling is to be a child of God and to lead others to know Jesus, not to just host parties for no reason. However, if you do need a wooden sled to decorate with, themed dinnerware, baby girl shower décor, or just a place to drink fancy coffee from my coffee bar and talk about Jesus… I have that covered.

 

 

 

Faith

Hit Submit

Sam

This may come as a shock to you… but I am an opiniated, loud, and fiercely independent woman. Ha! If you’ve seen me watch any of my kids play sports or talk about budgets, this does not come as a shock to you.

Here’s the thing, I enjoy my career and it is a priority in my life. We also depend on my income and my husband’s. I like to share my thoughts, and sometimes I even have some good thoughts. I also don’t mind a good debate every now and then. And I have been known to call people out on things I feel are disrespectful. I don’t have any signs in my office that say Boss B, but I smile when I see those signs at Marshall’s. I also enjoy a good eyeroll when I don’t see women represented in certain leadership positions (*cough* School Board *cough*).

I believe, and I claim over my life that God made me this way. He made me passionate about the things I believe in and a desire to learn. He has blessed me with the career and job I have- which has led me to a stronger and more courageous faith. And He has flamed my desire to be independent and to teach others to be independent, so that at the end of the day we can rely solely on Him and be free of this world’s ways.

So imagine my utter surprise (and younger me’s utter disappointment) when He also told me I had to “submit” to my husband.

Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. (Colossians 3:18)

Or… this verse…

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. (Ephesians 5:22-24)

I won’t lie, I did my best for a good part of my life to ignore this. Clearly this message was not intended for women of today. I mean when the Bible was written it was from a time when women had little to no rights, so surly that part of the Bible was a little outdated.

Yeah, no. The Bible is as relevant today as it was then, and will have the same amount of relevancy 1,000 years from today. God does not change with the times. The World changes with the times, and we are called to not live for this World but instead for eternal life and our promise of life beyond our time here.

Furthermore, I can argue that Jesus was actually very respectful with His interactions with women at the time, compared to others in society… so if He said wives need to submit to their husbands, well, then wives need to submit.

Unfortunately, I am not super submissive. In fact, I’d say I was the opposite of submissive because I am a control freak. But it’s cool because God made me that way. I trust that there is a way to be both a strong and independent women….. and a submissive wife and child of God. And I *think* our society and the enemy likes to tell us the lie that we have to choose. I’ll actually go one step further and say that the enemy is absolutely afraid that we will stumble on the truth that we are ALL called to be both.  And if we do embrace being strong and free and submissive… well then we wouldn’t fall into his trap and he’d be powerless.

Anyways… let me first tell you through trial and error a few things submission is NOT.

  • It is not being quiet. (Thank the Lord)
  • It is not letting someone tell you what to do without regards to your feelings or wellbeing.
  • It is not following someone without questions.
  • It is not doing everything from cleaning to cooking to childrearing to (fill in the blank) without expecting any help and with a smile on your face.
  • It is not being co-dependent.
  • It is not being a martyr.
  • It is not denying who God designed you to be… even if that person is loud (passionate) and independent (free).

There are a lot of other things submission is not. But from my very brief dabble in it, these are some things I’ve found submission IS.

  • It is asking your husband his opinion before your friends.
  • It is surrounding yourself with friends who build up their husbands.
  • It is supporting him and singing his praises.
  • It is giving him words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, quality time, and physical touch.
  • It is praying for him and with him.
  • It is valuing his ideas and being thankful to his contributions to the household.
  • It is respecting him and not coveting a quality in him that is not there.
  • It is being a good reflection of him and complementing his identity.
  • It is being a united front.
  • It is trying to understand him.
  • It is learning from him.
  • It is holding him accountable.
  • It is accepting his love towards you.

Submission is between a wife and a husband because there is a covenant (or agreement) set up. So let me be clear. If one person is not holding up their end of the agreement, then the other part of the agreement or covenant starts to become void or needs restoration. So. If a wife or husband is being abused mentally, physically, or emotionally that’s a breakdown in the covenant. If there has been immoral conduct. That is a breakdown in the covenant.

God asks His people who have agreed to be in covenant with Him to obey His rules and submit to Him. If there is a breakdown in that agreement, if we can’t obey and submit, a new covenant has to be forged.

Spoiler alert…… we have broken our covenant with God a lot. Like so much. It started in the Garden of Eden and it continues today with every decision we make to be further away from Him.

You know what God calls our husbands to do for us, their wives? He says “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church”. You know what his ultimate display of love was? A sacrifice. We messed up our covenant with God so much that the only way to fix it. The only way to continue to have a relationship with God, was for either us or God to restore the covenant. God never broke the agreement. We did. So God did what no mother or father or grandparent or care giver in their right mind would do, and made a sacrifice so big, so pure, and so perfect…… He sacrificed His Son so that we could start anew. The sacrifice to end all sacrifices. And our end of the new agreement? We have to love God. And to love God is to know that His Son died on the cross to wipe away all our wrongs…..

Whew… to bring it all back around. Ladies, between the two of us- husbands and wives. We got the better end of the deal. We’ve got to submit. And yeah, that might be hard, especially when he hasn’t taken out the trash like he said he would 2 days ago….. but he’s called to sacrifice for us….. just like God sacrificed for us.

 

Farmhouse

The Waiting Game.

Sam

We are almost into our house. We still don’t have an exact date that the septic will be 100% finished and we are awarded with the magical occupancy permit…. but like the monkey who got its tail caught in the fan… it won’t be long now.

Ok, yeah I am using “dad jokes” but that should just tell you just how delusional I am at this point in our build.  I am burnt out on decisions, I am ready to be moved in, and in order to stay positive I have resorted to telling bad jokes…. but truth be told that’s a really good joke and you should laugh at it.

Anyways while I pass the time, I wanted to write a post about all the things that happen in this limbo period. So here goes:

  1. You spend money.

That’s it. That’s the end of the list. Through the whole building process and in the limbo period, and once you move in you just keep spending money, then you die.

Ok, maybe I am being a drama queen, but seriously I was not prepared for the nickel and diming that happens at the end of the build. So let my pain be a learning experience for someone…… here is a list of things you might have to buy and/or think about when you are about to move into a new house:

  • There are inches of construction dust. Like it’s raining dust at our house. Maybe that’ll be a new farmhouse trend I can start…. “authentic farmhouse dirt”. So to combat the massive air pollutants in the house I have bought:
    • A new shop vac (thank you Amazon Prime Days)
    • A mop/vacuum combo (thank you 30% off Kohls coupon)
    • A new broom
    • Another new broom because my husband took the one I bought for the garage.
    • New vacuum filters- because….. dust.
  • Cleaning supplies:
    • Hand soap, dish soap, Lysol wipes, granite cleaner, windex etc.
    • Magic Eraser- for when your kid takes a pencil to your newly painted walls
    • Carpet cleaner- for a similar reason.
  • Random stuff:
    • Trash cans.
    • Shower rod.
    • Soap dishes and dispensers.
    • Squeegees for the glass shower doors.
    • Curtains, blinds, etc.
    • Bath mats.
    • Entry mats.
    • Towel racks, toilet paper holders, door hooks, and door stoppers.
  • Furniture. So I think most of us know that we might want a new couch for a new house, or hey we have two more bedrooms in the new house so we need furniture for those new spaces…. But what I want to touch on is priorities of buying those things:
    • Make a list of all the furniture you plan to put in each room. Then mark next to it if you have it already or plan to buy it, and then write a budget of what each item will cost. I went as detailed as wanting a wreath for my pantry door.
    • Then highlight the items that are the most important to buy. (for example, we had to have a new bed for my son’s room and a new couch, but the entryway church pew I want wasn’t something I had to have right away).
    • Then come up with the goal you need to save or reserve some of your budget for to purchase those things. Then add some money because you will forget something.
    • Personally, I would focus on making sure you have a place to sit and eat (so either a table or bar stools), a place to sleep, and a TV so you can turn on a movie to distract your kids.
    • Another thing I bought here that adds up is paint and materials to refurbish the furniture I already had to “fit” in more with my new house.
  • Decorations……. This should be last on your priority list but unfortunately, I let this one sneak up on me. So my suggestion is that you at least budget for some decorations so that when you decide to buy some throw pillows… ok maybe I technically bought 12…. that it doesn’t shock your bank account. The thing you have to keep in mind about a new house is that you don’t need to move in and it be perfect……. obviously I am saying this to myself and not anyone reading this. SAM STOP BUYING DECORATIONS!
  • And last but not least I have spent an insane amount on organization………
    • Silverware tray.
    • Drawer dividers.
    • Shoe organizer.
    • Shower caddy.
    • Closet system that was over and above the white wire racks our builder included.
    • A crock to put utensils in (OK this wasn’t a necessity but I LOVE it!)
    • Pantry and Fridge organizers.

Oh bonus tip: You also spend a ton on going out to eat and gas. I am always forgetting something I need at the store because my pantry isn’t fully stocked yet or because we are still working on 100 projects around the house time gets away from me, so we end up eating out more than I care to admit. Plus, all those back and forth trips to the store and Lowe’s really add up!

Please do better than me if you decide to build a house. Budget better for these little odds and ends and plan better so that you don’t need to blow an entire paycheck on trash cans and cleaning supplies. Oh, and a word to the wise avoid the Target Dollar spot and Hobby Lobby during this limbo period.

Farmhouse

30+ Tips When Building A House

Sam

I am no expert when it comes to building a house. Kyle and I don’t build houses everyday and we haven’t even lived int hat many houses either. So when we decided to build a house we begged, borrowed and plain stole ideas of what to do. We were so fortunate to have a lot of friends and family who shared plenty of tips with us. As my way of paying it forward I tried to write down all the tips we received so that maybe we could help others like we were helped out. So………. enjoy these 30 + tips when building a house…..

General-

  1. When you dig the hole for your foundation (before the concrete goes in) spray the ground for termites.
  2. If possible, go with 2×6 walls. This helps with energy efficiency and for sound.
  3. If your builder lets you, get 2nd quotes on everything.
  4. I’m sure most of you know this but when you stake out your house it will be small…. like super small. One thing that helped me was measuring the size of my furniture in the staked off area. We also went to a friends house and measured their room dimensions to put our (ok…. actually just my) mind at ease.
  5. When the foundation gets poured put your conduit in, so there is no drilling through concrete walls. Also, remember to cap in the conduit so that the concrete and waterproofing black tar don’t get in it.
  6. Take pictures of everything. You’ll want to know where an outlet is that was accidentally hid by the drywall guy.
  7. Make your doors wheelchair accessible. Actually, look at your house overall and say “how accessible is it?”
  8. Rough-in plumbing in places you eventually will finish out or want a bathroom in (like the basement). Honestly, one person even suggested a bathroom in the garage, and I think it was genius! While I didn’t do that it made me remember that my boys always come in super dirty from outside, so we put our laundry room with a full wash tub right by our garage door and a bathroom access right as you walk in there too. That way they don’t have to go all through the house to get to a bathroom or to throw muddy clothes into the laundry room.
  9. Interior sound insulation, especially if you are doing an open concept.
  10. Where will you store a vacuum or broom? Think about living in the house. Where will you store things? Where will you hang out? Walking through our house and thinking of those things helped us switch a few things.
  11. Do you LOVE shiplap like me??? Pre-paint it (or buy boards already primed/painted) so that when you put it on the wall and over time the house “breaths” you won’t see the grooves that you missed. If you paint it once it is on the walls then the boards will separate over time and it’s really hard to get paint in those cracks!
  12. When choosing tile try to stay away from white grout. White grout will never stay white. Also, if you go with a dark tile in the shower keep in mind that soap scum is white.
  13. Can you add attic storage anywhere? Our builder was able to make us some attic storage that had access from our bonus room.
  14. Ask for any leftover material so that you can touch up things later.
  15. Also, think about where you can use leftover material. Can you use scrap granite in your bathroom on ledges? Can you use the outside board and batten on the fireplace or around a tub?
  16. Lowes Pro account. Kyle signed up for one of these and we get 5% off our purchases all the time. There are a few advantages to it. 1) you can order at the contractor pack levels (i.e. cheaper rates on lights/drywall if you buy so many) and 2) you can have it pulled and waiting for you and pick it up at the one door that says contractor (it makes us feel official). 3) it is kept separate from our checking account so it is easier to submit when we need reimbursed from our loan. I think using a military discount if you qualify would work well too.
  17. One thing that helped us was having some really smart friends (those who were contractors, inspectors, etc.) walk through our house at each stage. More times than I care to admit they pointed out things (like a wall that wasn’t supported right or a friend who looked at one of my building pictures and sent me a Facebook message about plastic wrapping to prevent rotting porches) that we were able to take back to our builder the next day and ask that they address it. I can’t tell you how much this saved us in failed inspection fees, and it gave us peace of mind.
  18. I can’t tell you how many things we have returned. Lights because I didn’t like the size, fans because I didn’t like the color, 4 different styles of door handles, etc. Make sure you don’t get into a habit of buying and returning too much. It costs money and time to return all those items.
  19. Final walk-through for paint/dry wall. Give family and friends each a roll of blue painter’s tape and have them put a piece of tape by anything they find. The worst thing would be to move into your brand-new house and realize you already have to patch a wall because when they brought in the cabinets, they scratched something up.
  20. And keep in mind that some things will not go right. Try to have a good attitude about everything! I’m a Christian and my faith has helped in ways I can’t explain! This house is not my #1 priority, it is just a house.

Kitchen-

  1. My pantry wasn’t as huge as I’d like it, so my builder found some space between the studs to add an extra small closet. Utilize space between studs well- extra closets, built-ins, etc.
  2. Pot filler- ok this is a splurge, but I am so excited about it!
  3. Pot and pan drawer right by or under your stove/cook top.
  4. Silverware drawer next to your dishwasher for easy unloading.
  5. Think about the places everyone goes in the kitchen when they are over. The trash can and sink. Unless you can access the trash by multiple directions, I would suggest not putting it next to the sink (I know strange but trust me!)
  6. If you have an island with a sink in it, make sure the faucet you select isn’t too tall.
  7. I don’t think you need a ton of specialty drawers, but one or two are really nice. My two were the pot/pan drawer and the trash drawer. Maybe yours is a fancy spice rack next to the stove. In the other cabinets think about wire racks inside to maximize space without the extra cost of a pull-out drawer.
  8. Remember that between your island and your cabinets and where your table is you should have at least 42-48 inches so that you can easily maneuver without hitting your hip on something.
  9. Lights. Two big flaws I have made in our house are the fact that our table isn’t centered to the dining room and the island isn’t centered to the middle beam… which means the light over the table isn’t centered to the room and the pendant lights aren’t exactly centered either. You can’t notice unless I point it out….. but I noticed.

Bathrooms-

  1. Pick tile for your shower that is not shiny! You will slip.
  2. Showers that are really large or open air are cold. Think about either making it smaller, adding glass walls, or multiple shower heads.
  3. Where will you store towels for each shower?
  4. We went with taller vanities in the bathrooms. And a taller toilet. I am not 100% sold on this but the taller cabinets look nice and the toilet is easier to get off of when you get older…..

Outlets/Light Switches/Etc.-

  1. Master closet- for a safe
  2. Hallway closet- to charge cordless cleaning appliances
  3. Pantry- for kitchen appliances
  4. Bedrooms- for nightlights
  5. Living room floor- for power couches and lamps on side tables
  6. Don’t forget outlets on the porch. Maybe even put some on the ceiling so that it’s easier to hang Christmas lights. And outlets in the garage for charging power tools or your kids power-wheels.
  7. Where will your bed be in the master bedroom? Think about laying down in it and the lights being on, then having to argue about who’s turning the lights off…… maybe add a switch to the lights by your bed.
  8. Plan where you are going to put your Christmas tree or entry table and then put an outlet there.
  9. Put in dimmer switches in certain areas of your house.
  10. Put in USB outlets in places you might charge your phone.
  11. Don’t want to see cable boxes and such? Run conduit in the walls from where your TV will go to a nearby closet.

Outside/Barn/Garage-

  1. Are you having gas? Run a line to your back porch for your grill.
  2. Driveway….. while building it (and your yard) will be a mess! Try not to do finishing touches (or concrete aprons, black top, etc.) until all the heavy equipment is out.
  3. Gutters tied into pipes buried to move water away from house.
  4. In barns and garages (if your county allows)- add drains.
  5. Make sure windows and doors in detached garages and barns face the house so you can see if someone is breaking in.
  6. Also we had trail cams put up while we were building. And we had people steal things….. so they came in very handy!
  7. Double garage doors vs. 1 bigger door are more heat/cooling efficient.
  8. Put an outside spicket on multiple sides of your house so you aren’t dragging hoses around.
  9. Think about alternative energy/heat/cooling sources. Could your house use an outdoor wood burning stove, a wood burning stove in the basement tied into the fireplace chimney, an attic fan, or if you had a generator where would you put it and pre-wire it to main areas of the house.
  10. We were told not to put the outside air condition unit by our bedroom because it would be loud- but ours is really quiet… so this is “maybe” a good tip?
  11. Our porch is ridiculously deep. So maybe we are a bit excessive. However, make sure it is deep enough for furniture if you have one.

Finding Land-

  1. We just randomly called up someone to ask if they’d sell us land. Since we’ve done this we’ve heard of so many people who’ve also been able to get their land like this!
  2. Make sure the land you like isn’t too wet. Or if it has a lot of trees- just know that it is going to cost money and time to clear that land and probably will mean bringing in dirt.
  3. Think about where you are putting the house and how hard it is to get utilities to it.
  4. Talking about utilities you can call up the water company to see how much a water tap would be (or even if you have water available) and you can see what your county usually lets you install septic wise (we basically only got to install a mound system). Figuring some of this out beforehand might make you decide if the perfect land is really worth it knowing how much prep you’ll have to do.

Faith, Family

Do You Want a Girl?

Sam

I’m a boy mom. I have three boys. They are all sooooo different, but when God was deciding what kids to bless me with He gave me three with…… well you know.

So, yeah, I get the question a lot on if I want a girl or will try for a girl.

And because I love and hate when people ask me this, if it’s OK with you I’d like to waste a couple minutes of your day talking about this question.

Do I want a girl? Or maybe a more accurate question would be: do I mourn the fact that I probably won’t have a mother/daughter relationship?

Um… yeah. For sure.

It goes without saying that I love my kids, and there isn’t a single one of them I would change or trade. I might change how one talks back to me and gives me attitude, but I wouldn’t change who God made them. I also LOVE having boys. And as much as I love those kids it doesn’t negate the fact that I probably won’t get to watch my husband take a daughter to a dance, or see how amazing my boys would be to a sister, or buy all the bows my heart desires. Or really anything cliché you might do with a girl vs. boy.

I have to talk myself out of wanting a girl sometimes. I have to list all the amazing reasons why having all boys is great. #1: At Disney we didn’t wait in line to meet a single Princess (again I know this is stereotypical, but it helps me cope). #2: I am the only girl in the house right now and I take advantage of it. #3: Hand me down clothes…. Haha…… just kidding….. if you know me I still buy an obscene amount of clothes for my youngest boy.

But anyways to be honest I think this…… wanting something you don’t have…… is something we all deal with.

Maybe you have all girls and you want a boy, or you don’t have kids but you want them. Maybe it isn’t about kids at all. Maybe you wish you had a different job. A different house. Different friends. A different spouse? I could probably make up a Dr. Seuss rhyme with all the things a person might want……

I fall into this “wanting more” category far too often. I am wired to look for the next best thing. When I was in high school and college I lived like this daily. It was pure survival mode for me. I needed to do well in high school so I could go to a good college, then I needed to do well there so I could get a good job. From there I needed to get married and have kids. Buy a house, search for a better job. Have another kid. Get a better house.

It was, and still is, an exhausting cycle I let myself get caught up in.

Maybe you get caught up in a similar cycle of wanting something you don’t have?

Or worse yet, maybe what you want, isn’t something as superficial as me wanting a girl, or a better house, or “fill in the blank”. Maybe what you want is that you aren’t in pain anymore from an illness, or your child isn’t sick anymore. Maybe you don’t want a better house, maybe you are just struggling to keep the house you have.

I am not that great at this, but I do know of a way to help break whatever cycle you might be in right now.

Paul writes to us in Philippians 4:12 and tells us:

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

When I read this I always think to myself, “Yeah, OK, I love God. He satisfies me. I don’t need anything else.” BAM let’s do this! Then reality hits and reading these words doesn’t really tell me HOW to lean on God to give me strength in times of plenty and in times of want………..

So, if I haven’t lost you yet, let’s go back and look at the entire book of Philippians (and as a typical Sam disclaimer I am not a preacher, nor did I go to Bible college so if this is incorrect I apologize)…..

Paul is addressing some grumblings between a few Christians. And this is some of the advice he gives:

  1. Thanksgiving and Prayer- Paul first thanks them and tells them what he prays about for them.
  2. Background- Paul then acknowledges the situation.
  3. Keep on living a life worthy of the gospel- He instructs them that no matter what, you should keep doing the right thing.
  4. Act like Jesus- Paul then encourages them to approach the situation with Love.
  5. Don’t grumble- because obviously. No really, Paul describes this as a gift. If you don’t grumble you will be blameless and pure. Sign me up for that!
  6. Count on others- Paul then tells them he will send a friend to help encourage them.
  7. But not all others- He warns them to be weary of the evildoers.
  8. Keep your eyes on the prize- eternal life, not things of this world.

Then we get to Chapter 4 “The Closing Appeal” and the verse I shared above about being content no matter what.

I like this list. Paul is my man when it comes to lists! I’m not saying this is an easy list to keep in mind whenever I am feeling like I need to move on to the next big thing, or when I am going through a tough time with something……… but I do think that Paul’s letter to Phillipi can be used for us today.

  1. The first thing you should do is be thankful for “insert something here” and then go to God in prayer. First things first- give it to God.
  2. Acknowledge the thing you want or the tough circumstance you are in. It is healthy and right to admit those things. You just can’t stay there.
  3. Keep on keeping on. My friends and I try to make light of this step and say “Fake it til’ you make it”. But really this is survival 101. Keep praying, reading your Bible, going to Church, and doing what is right. Even if you feel distant from God, you feel your prayers are going unanswered, or you really don’t feel like being the better person……. you should still do it. Other’s are watching to see how you handle this situation- what a testimony to God to keep glorifying Him through your work!
  4. Be humble and approach the whole thing with love. That’s what Jesus would do.
  5. Try and not complain about the situation. Again, you will be rewarded for this!
  6. Know who your friends are and lean on them. Not just any friends, but the ones who are going to keep encouraging you and pointing you back to God.
  7. And finally, remember that every heartache we are going through is something that is breaking God’s heart too. Every desire we have here on Earth is nothing compared to the prize that awaits us in Heaven.

Friends, I can tell you with my whole heart that not having a girl breaks me sometimes. I know….. it is a dumb thing to get upset over, but it is something I desire from time to time. And when those feelings of longing come on, I go back over these steps and remind myself that God can fill that longing in my heart. He can satisfy me when I have plenty… or when I am in need.

Farmhouse

Construction Loan and Draws

Sam

So I really suggest building a house without the use of a loan at all. That isn’t what Kyle and I did (and it may be unrealistic for most of America) but it would have reduced 90% of my stress. Plus you could then build whatever house you wanted, whenever you wanted!

For example: let’s say you want to build a two bedroom house with a basement and put two bedrooms in the basement (so now you are essentially a 4 bedroom house)…. well the bank is not going to loan you that much on that house (so you’ll need to fork over a lot of cash) because the resale value on the house (and what the auditors site will report in our county at least) is that the house is only a two bedroom house.

Ok. maybe that example isn’t applicable. How about this one……… you buy your land out right and decide to do some of the land clearing yourself and add a half driveway so that you aren’t parking your truck on a busy road. Well, when you go and get your loan the bank considers the driveway a land improvement and there now could exist a lien on your property and the bank is going to be real skeptical about loaning you money. (A lien might exist if you hire a dump truck to bring you a ton or two of gravel- you pay the driver of the truck, but he never pays the gravel company…. the gravel company can now put a lien on your land until they get paid by the driver.)

The second example did happen to us. Not the lien, thank goodness, but rather the bank was not happy we put a half driveway in.

I know that some of us are not in a position to pay for a $300K-$400K house in cash so a loan is inevitable. So, there are some basic recommendations and knowledge I’d love to share with you on the whole loan/drawing money process. Plus some suggestions on how to choose a mortgage company. However, like all my posts, my disclaimer is that this is different with each bank and builder…… so the following is just how it worked for us:

1) I would suggest a 100 times over to pick a mortgage company that your builder has worked with before. We did not do this. This will come in handy when you go to do draws. It will come in handy with inspections for draws. And it will come in handy to avoid things like my example above.

    • Our mortgage contact was wonderful, but the construction department was where it would have been easier to work with someone who was familiar with our builder. So if you know someone in the mortgage business- maybe use them (if the rates are favorable) for after the construction loan is done (if that is even allowed??).

2) To be qualified for our loan we had to provide all the typical W2’s, Tax Returns, Bank Statements, etc. plus the following:

    • House plans.
    • Our cost sheet. Our bank had some questions on our cost sheet (ex: the house plans show an extensive porch so they wanted to know which line item the porch was included in since it was not a separate item.)
    • Then they had us turn in a cost sheet breakdown that they typically use (so basically just copying the information from my sheet to theirs) and having our builder sign it.
    • A Builder’s Contract. Our builder didn’t have one of these nor our bank.
    • Letter of Explanation, receipts, and lien waivers for the half drive way.

3) The bank will require you to put (in cash or property) 10% to 20% of the total amount your house appraises at. So some math:

    • The cost sheet of my house to build (without consideration of any of the savings I plan/did have) was $382K.
    • Our land was purchased at $36,500 and appraised at $42,500.
    • Our house (based off comps in our area and our cost sheet) appraised at $425K.
    • The “comps in our area” is very important. Let’s say we had one of the more expensive houses in our area to build, but the housing market didn’t support that, the bank won’t lend you money on it because if you foreclose they won’t be able to sell it because it is too expensive of a house). So that would mean you either need to downgrade your house to meet comps in the area or put more cash into it yourself.
    • So the amount of cash or property we needed to bring to the table at closing was $42,500 (for 10%) and $85,000 (for 20%).
    • So our land that was already purchased covered 10% down. So that was our “down payment”.
    • We decided to only do 10% at that time. The reason we did this was because 1) we planned to not really owe $382K by some of the savings we did so the 20% down when we go to convert the loan to a 15 or 30 year will be less than $85,000 and 2) we wanted to save some of our cash to be able to float while building.

4) You will also need to pay closing costs. Ours was about $5K.

5) Once you secure the loan your builder can start work and you can start to make draws. Our contract was written that 5 draws would occur after completion of certain steps. (i.e. foundation was poured was one draw, “dried in”- with windows and doors was another draw)

6) Your builder is ready for the first draw. Now what? I suggest praying and also keeping in the back of your mind it is going to take some back and forth.

    • You’ll need an affidavit….. probably. Our bank required it, but I think if we would have went with a bank our builder is familiar with we would have forgone this step and just turned in invoices.
    • We used Kim’s affidavit. (513) 528-7250 She helped walk us through getting the invoices our bank required, changing language so that our builder would sign it, and turned it all around quickly for us. We had to pay her for each affidavit but this was worth it to us.
    • On one draw you can request several checks: so we would often have one for our builder, our electrician, our heating/air subcontract, flooring, cabinets, etc.
    • You can also have yourself as someone whose getting paid back. Since Kyle did a lot of plumbing and electric work himself we did this often for the materials we bought.
    • The bank will come out and inspect to make sure that the portion needed to be completed for the draw was actually completed. So if you take out a draw for foundation work and there was no concrete poured- they aren’t going to give you money. Fairly positive that would be some sort of money laundering thing too…….

7) After you turn in for your first draw, you’ll start paying on interest for the amount you drew. So our payments started out low, $200, and then reached upwards to $2,000.

      • On a side note; construction loans are usually only good for 6 months. If your build goes longer than this (like ours did, thanks Ohio weather) you’ll need to do an extension. It shouldn’t cost any money, just a signature.

8) Once you’ve had your last draw and get your occupancy permit you’ll then want to convert your loan from a construction loan to a conventional loan. In full disclosure we aren’t here yet- so I’ll come back and update if the conversion part turns into a nightmare.

Ok I think that is all the knowledge I have. Honestly, it might not even be that great of a help because if I have blocked anything from my memory for this build it is in regards to the loan process.

So to recap: pay for your house in cash and do not take out a loan.

Farmhouse

Have It Your Way: Choosing House Plans

Sam

I feel most of you reading the “farmhouse” portion of this blog have a Pinterest board full of future house plans. Heck, I am almost finished with my house and I still haven’t came around to deleting off some of the plans I wanted in the beginning. So, I want to devote this post to all the things you might consider when you are choosing plans.

You should know what your builder can and can’t do when it comes to plans.

Many of the builders we asked for prices from gave us “pre-drawn” plans that you could modify. But to take the plans we loved on the internet and make them come to life- was either super expensive to do through them or was actually just something they flat out wouldn’t do. For these types of builders who were building “custom” houses, a better description would be “pre-selected” customization you could do to their plans. One reason we choose the builder we choose was because he truly took our exact plans and made them a reality.

On a side note:  a few questions I have been asked is if

  1. you have to buy the plans before you get quotes?
  2. if you can get quotes on multiple house plans?

The Answer:

1) No, you don’t have to buy the plans before you get a quote- just keep in mind it might be a little more high level with allowances than a detailed quote

and

2) Yes, you can bring two plans to a builder and determine if there would be a big cost difference between them- but unless you are drastically changing the structure or square foot amount they will probably be close to the same price.

What modifications should you choose?

In full disclosure I can’t tell you what would be best for your family and lifestyle. For example: you might decide you need a place to put a dog washing station in your house because your dream is to adopt 13 ½ dogs……. But Kyle and I decided that since we have three boys we basically have our hands full in the “animal” department as it is- so dog care won’t be on our list of modifications.

Instead, I’d like to walk you through our modifications and why we choose them. I am hoping that you can see a trend of the types of things to think about when you start to choose your own modifications.

  • Dining room conversion: we replaced the dining room with a bedroom, then added an attached bathroom with a shower. Our reasoning behind this was because 1) we have 3 kids and 2) we didn’t have the money for a dining room, breakfast area, and 4 bedrooms- so we had to work with the space we had (2,500 sq ft). And that is my point with this modification: just because in the original plans it shows a dining room and half bath- really think how you want to use the space in that room. Maybe it makes more sense to convert the dinning room into an office on one side and a pantry on the other?
  • Made the breakfast area larger: since we converted the dining room into a bedroom, we needed to make sure the breakfast area was large enough to fit our farmhouse table that Kyle built to fit 52 of our closest friends. Although, I am exaggerating a bit, we did need to make this bigger. In general, we found that we really had to pay attention to room sizes and make sure that our furniture was going to fit. This includes outside spaces too! The attached garage in our plan was only 21×21 and wouldn’t fit Kyle’s truck, so we made it larger.
  • Moved the laundry room and connected it to the master closet: a lot of our modifications had to do with future proofing our home as best we could. We selected a home with the master bath and laundry on the first floor so that we wouldn’t have to do stairs as much. We widen the doorways and halls to fit wheel chairs through them…. just in case. We added a full bath vs. a half bath to the converted bedroom in case an elderly parent needed to move in with us down the road. We wanted to build a home that fit our needs now, and hopefully fit our needs in the future too.
  • The original sketch of the outside of the house vs. what we did: Our plans had a huge wrap around porch with a railing, extra windows in the garage, vertical siding, and a half moon shaped window in the peak of the house. Don’t steer clear of plans just because of the exterior. You can change roof pitches, do stone work, add porches and dormers, and drastically change the exterior into more your style. I mean…. Joanna Gains does it all the time on her show- and she’s using pre-existing structures- you get to start from scratch on your new build.
  • Deleting structured posts, adding pocket doors, and planning where to put mechanics: Another great thing about building a house is that you can figure out ways to make it as open as want. So if you want your basement to have only a few posts in it you can put a heavy duty steel beam to support the weight of the upper floor. Or if you want a super open living room you can buy bigger trusses, thus eliminating a support beam. The same thing with pocket doors or where your air condition will be. You can choose to not put plumbing/electric/ducts in a wall so that you can add a pocket door. And you can plan where you want your heating/cooling inside unit at the beginning to make it the most out of the way. That has been one of the nicest parts of building for us. Instead of walking into houses we wanted to buy saying- we’d like to take this wall down and then realizing it would be way too expensive to do that- we get to start from scratch.

You know what plans you want… now what???

There are so many ways you can purchase plans. Like I said before some people might choose a builder who already has existing plans and they modify them for you, some have CAD programs and will draw them up, you can hire an architect to draft them, you can buy them off the internet (this is what we did), and in rare cases (like where my builder’s from) you can submit a rough sketch drawn on the back of a napkin…… I’m only sort of kidding. In most cases though you are going to need blueprints done by a professional that have basement plans (how tall are the walls, where are the windows, outside doors, where do the footers need to be poured, etc.), a first floor and second floor plans (detailed with square footage, built-ins, where center beams are, etc.), a roof plan, all the sides of the house elevation plans, building section plans (r-values, flashing, vents, etc.), and then an electrical plan.

I have a few basic things I want to tell you about this.

  • Some counties will require an engineer stamp on your plans. In full disclosure I don’t know how they determine that- I think it is if your house structure is out of a normal range of support (i.e. you have an open concept without any supporting posts that is so huge that there is questions on whether it is structurally sound). I also think they may require an engineer stamp if you do rafters vs. trusses. Rafters are built on site by your builder and trusses are common roof dimensions that are built off site and are engineer approved when they are built. In our specific county with our specific plan we did not have to have an engineer’s stamp. My brother who also built in our county did………
  • The electrical plan we bought online was not detailed enough for our county. We needed carbon dioxide and fire detectors outside of each room, where the original plans had can lights and fans were not where we planned to put them, etc. So we had our electrician look over everything and add to it where needed.
  • Like I said before, we bought our plans off the internet and we had them modified. We could have had them modified by anyone we choose- but we decided to go through the preferred vendor of where we bought the plan. I think this was a mistake on our end as it took 10 weeks to get the modifications done. If I had to do it over I would have taken the plans we found online and asked someone familiar with our county to draw them up. My only hesitation to do that in the first place was the cost of online plans seemed to be a lot cheaper, but I didn’t actually get quotes- which I regret.

 

Hopefully this was helpful and answers some of your questions about the house plans, modifications, and next steps. If you have any other questions or I didn’t explain something well enough, please comment below or send me a message. In the meantime- keep finding amazing plans that fit your lifestyle!

Family, Farmhouse

Marriage Proofing Your House.

Sam

Has anyone told you that building a house is tough? Or that it really tests a marriage?

If you haven’t heard this before let me be the first to mention it to you. And if you have heard it let me serve as confirmation of this information. Building a house will be tough on your relationship. 

In fact, want to know what I am doing right now? I am holed up in my room, listening to a marriage sermon that my friend sent me, and I am sulking. Kyle and I had a big fight last night. Like one that ended in me driving around for 3 hours with a stop at Walmart at 1 am with my PJ’s on. I am super dramatic like that.

Want to know what the fight was about? Our house. I am frustrated and upset that we are 6 months into our build and we still do not have our septic in and we’ve been on a waiting list to get it in for almost a year.

Actually, I am just frustrated (period).

The thing is, when building a house it gets frustrating a lot. You’ll get frustrated that it is taking too long, something comes in over budget, a subcontractor messed something up, you have to pre-plan out all these things and you are afraid you might forget something, or you have to make a choice on wood flooring and the choice you want doesn’t work out so you have to go with something else that you aren’t quite as satisfied with…….. and the list goes on and on.

I have only been married 10 years and I don’t think I am qualified to offer any marriage advice. 1) because when we fight I do things like go to Walmart at 1 am because I am throwing a hissy fit and 2) Kyle and I haven’t really been faced with any big complications in our time of being married. But if it is OK with you I’d like to walk you through a few things that might help you if/or when you might build a house. And mostly because I need a list to refer back when these “house” fights happen again…… because they will.

  • Reach out to the one or two friends who value marriage and relationships. You know who they are. Bonus points if they too have built a house together or even tried to plan a simple home improvement project. They are the ones who won’t ever say a negative thing about your spouse even when you are saying ALL the negative things. They are the friends who listen, pray for you, and then send you sermons to listen to. They aren’t judging you and saying “what a terrible marriage you have or you should be more like my perfect marriage”. No, these friends are telling you that you are just frustrated and offering to go to McDonalds at 10 pm once the kids are asleep just so you can throw a pity party over a McFlurry.

 

  • You have to look at your spouse through the lens of LOVE. There are gonna be some tough times. I can’t tell you what those tough times are. For me it is because I want it to stop raining so we can put a septic tank in. Yours might be because your husband can’t tell that there is an OBVIOUS off color piece of flooring in the middle of your living room….. wait no that’s me too. You need to remember some basic facts: your spouse is not error free, they need as much grace as you do, and when you stop looking at them as a child of God and instead as someone whose letting you down- you will fail. Your marriage will fail. Your family will fail. (Note to future self: listen to this sermon when this happens: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6QSJSjNQM68)

 

  • Separate the truth from lies. During this current fight; I am not mad at Kyle, I am mad because our septic is not in and I am still living with my dad in a house that isn’t mine. I am frustrated at our circumstances right now. The truth is that Kyle feels the same way I do but expresses it differently. The lie is that I sometimes get so worked up that I think Kyle can control things that are really out of his control: like the weather. I know it sounds dumb, but honestly during this build I had to remind myself a lot that we were at the mercy of different contractors and the weather… both things that we can’t control. And the biggest truth I had to remember is that we still have the same goal in the end.

 

  • Marriage differences are tough. That might be the most underrated sentence I have ever spoke. Kyle and I are different on so many levels. He’s focused on the structure of our house like the electric and wouldn’t help on selecting what color we should paint the walls. He likes the hot hot summer and I look better in layers in the winter. He is so laid back that at times it comes across like he doesn’t care and I am such a hot head that I jump to conclusions. It’s not easy being so vastly different. Sometimes we can’t see where the other one is coming from and it leads to frustration. It’s during these times that I just have to embrace our differences and be thankful. I have to look at them as an opportunity to grow and widen my view. I have to embrace that differences mean that we are being thorough and that it brings diversity to our relationship. I cannot let the differences divide us. Because again when that happens things in our relationship start to fail, like communication.

 

  • You are not justified. This is really important. When I am mad at Kyle or hurt by really anyone who I have a close relationship with I can really easily fall into a hole where I feel wronged. But we are called to stay humble. And we need to get humble fast. I can perfectly recall a lot of the things that I have gotten mad about over the past 10 years with Kyle. He can’t. It isn’t because I haven’t made my fair share of mistakes- probably even worse than his ever were. It is because he has a terrible memory. But jokes aside you will need grace at one point in time in your relationship. Extend the type of grace that you hope to get when you mess up.

 

This isn’t my way of saying I have this marriage thing figured out or that I resolve conflict really well. I am so far from that. I just want you to know that building a house is not for the faint of heart and it will be tough- even for those of you who have a pretty strong relationship. I also want to tell you that the house you are building is not worth a broken relationship. And in case you need to be reminded……….. your spouse cannot control the weather so that it stops raining so you can put in a stupid septic tank.

Farmhouse

You need a Builder’s Contract?

Sam

So as some of you might know from my other posts, we decided to be our own General Contractor and we choose a Builder who although did quality work, wasn’t exactly on the up and up for legal contracts and such. Not in a “trying to evade the law” type of way, he just builds quality houses and his word is something he takes more value in than a contract. In fact, when doing loan draws and such, we had to omit the language “I solemnly swear” because it went against his beliefs. Anyways……. so when our bank said we had to have a contract vs. a hand written out sheet of notebook paper that our builder provided us as our “quote”, we weren’t really surprised and even a little relived that our house would have some type of paperwork aside from a loose leaf piece of paper and a handshake.

However, our Bank wouldn’t supply a sample contract and we were the general contractors so it was up to us to figure out what a builder’s contract even looked like.

After some Google research I found a few samples all of which I borrowed from (so this isn’t my own original content), and I also had to modify to apply to 1) us building on our own lot 2) agreement from our Builder that once he signed it he would uphold it and 3) that we were building in Ohio (different states have different regulations).

I want this site to be a 1 stop shop for all your building questions, so I want to provide you with my modified sample of the contract that our Builder and our Bank accepted. HOWEVER…… this is meant to be an example only. I am in no way a lawyer nor is it my intent to provide you something that you haven’t completely vetted with your legal counsel that you intend to use as a legal contract. So again, DISCLAIMER: FOR EXAMPLE PURPOSES ONLY. I’m in no way responsible if you decide to use this to submit to your Bank/Builder.

Instead I just want you to see some of the categories and typical language in these type of contracts. For example: “the draw schedule” is a really nice table to compare to your contract to see if it lines up. Or it is nice to see the clause that the Builder isn’t responsible for weather delays is a typical statement.

I think this gives you one reference to make sure your contract isn’t missing anything, but I also encourage you to have a lawyer look this over and look at other contracts.

BUILDING CONTRACT (EXAMPLE ONLY)

 

 

Faith

The Rich Fool

Sam

For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. James 3:16

Because writing this blog has been like ripping off a band-aid…. I thought why not just add one more confession to the never ending list of things I have (sometimes still do) struggle with. I am not sure how to gently glide into this subject- so instead I am just going to share a story with you…..

So, my dad used to own about 55 acres that he inherited, this was half of the entire farm my grandma and grandpa owned before they passed away. It was where I spent a majority of my childhood. It has a creek in the back, hills, pasture fields, crops, wild blackberry bushes, and some of the best memories of when I was a kid.

At one point it was my dad’s dream to build there- but life just didn’t give him that opportunity. He was always generous with the land though and at one point offered Kyle and I some land to build on around the same time we bought our first house. We weren’t in the position financially that we could build at that point so we instead bought a house closer to where my husband worked and realized that was the area God was calling us to.

Fast forward a few years and we were at a point where we were deciding what do to about our house. We were constantly looking at houses and just trying to figure out what was next for our family. My older brother was at this point too and he had settled on building. His kids were going to the school district the land my dad owned was in, and my brother had the same dream as my dad to build on the property that had been in our family for generations. So my dad gifted him all 55 acres. My dad asked me first if I’d be mad about it. But my brother and I had seen families divided over inheritances and we promised we wouldn’t do that.

To recap:

  • We were offered the land at one point in time.
  • It wasn’t in the school district or area where it made sense for us to build.
  • My brother actually wanted the land so he could use it.

So between the pact I made with my brother and the fact that I never fully intended to do anything with the land I said it didn’t bother me. Guess what? It did bother me. Oh and what’s more it escalated even further with every update I received on the gorgeous house my brother was building.

My jealousy quickly turned to every evil practice- like James so wisely points out in the Bible. I started judging my brother, I’d turn my nose up to certain things he did, and I gossiped and let more than one person know all of this. In fact, a decent amount of my friends sympathized and agreed with me. I was being wronged.

I let this irrational jealousy that my brother got something I didn’t build up to a point that I was angry at my brother (who did nothing wrong) and my dad (who also did nothing wrong). I wasn’t entitled to that land, my dad could do whatever he wanted with it.  And my brother was just doing what was best for his family- something I should want because they were my family too.

Finally, I was kind of at a boiling point and I yelled at my dad at Skyline- the place we go after church every Sunday, because he had the audacity to tell me I was acting jealous. Once we were in the car Kyle told me I had to let it go. What was done was done, and that our family (Kyle, the boys, and I) were going to be OK no matter if we had that land or not. FYI, that wasn’t what I wanted to hear.

Usually, at the first sign of trouble you should go to God. Actually, at the sign of joy, sorrow, trouble or just because it’s a Tuesday you should go to God. But I was so deep in my jealous rampage and I didn’t want to hear what God had to say so He was the last person I turned to. But after my hissy fit in Skyline and pouting on the ride home because Kyle didn’t tell me what I wanted to hear I decided that I would try to stop being jealous. I wish you could see me writing this because you’d know that the “try” I am talking about includes deep sighs and eye rolling.

However, God is really good to me. He truly chases after me and tries to herd me back into His flock when I go astray. Because the next week (post dramatic Skyline meltdown) I was in charge of teaching Sunday School at church and the story our curriculum said I had to teach was Luke 12:13-21. I wasn’t familiar with this parable so maybe you aren’t either- let me just tell you what the first verse is…

Someone in the crowd said to him, “Teacher, tell my brother to divide the inheritance with me.”

Jesus replied, “Man, who appointed me a judge or an arbiter between you?” Then he said to them, “Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; life does not consist in an abundance of possessions.”

The name of this parable is called The Rich Fool. I have tears in my eyes telling you all this. Guys, I am such a rich fool. I have an abundance of things, material things that mean nothing. And I have real things that mean everything. I have a husband who guides me daily to be a better person. I have kids who are witty and loving- ones who ask me for 6 hugs a day then after I give them those 6 hugs they tell me they meant 7 hugs. I have a career that I still pinch myself that I was given. I have the best friends- even ones who are nice enough to feel wronged for me! I have family (biological, adopted, and married into) that show me everyday how much they love me and give me unconditional support.

To think that at one point I was letting my jealousy of something material like land get in the way of some of the most important relationships in my life: with my dad and my brother and most importantly God. I can’t help but know that if I was in the crowd that day with Jesus he would have yelled at me that I was being foolish. That I wasn’t concentrating on what really mattered and was instead giving into greed. Thankfully, through His grace I was given yet another chance to put away my jealousy and just rely on Him. He gave my heart comfort and he gave me peace. In fact, verse 17 in James 3 that I shared at the beginning of this post continues on and says “But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.”

Maybe you aren’t struggling with jealousy over land, or maybe you don’t even struggle with jealousy at all. But is there something on your heart right now that you just can’t shake? An offense that you keep bringing up? Let me save you from an awkward Skyline temper tantrum; God can replace your jealousy, envy, or whatever offense you carry and give you hope, peace, and a love that is full of mercy. I don’t know about you, but I am trying to get better at taking Him up on His offer.