Tag: #God

Faith, Family

I Wish I Didn’t Know That

Sam

Almost 5 years ago to the day my husband got called out to fix a main break late at night. This isn’t unusual… in fact I can’t recall a night in the last 10 years that he hasn’t got a work call. Especially when it is raining or the electric goes out- He’s guaranteed an auto call from the Waste Water Plant just to let him know that it is not happy with the rain.

Anyways… he leaves, I get the boys into bed, and then I proceed to watch my phone for a few hours because I don’t really sleep that well on nights he gets called in. Around 11 or 12, I get a call from my husband’s phone- but it isn’t him. Instead, it was an EMT calling to let me know there was an accident and they were taking him to main campus UC… which means right away I knew they were passing 2 hospitals. I also knew UC meant trauma. And since it wasn’t my husband telling me this, you can imagine where my mind went. I ended up asking the most basic question which was “is he alive?”. They said yes, and he’d be fine, but he had an injury involving his face.

Long story short- he was so blessed. The saw he was using jammed up and kicked back into his face. From his nose, down his right cheek, to just above his jugular vein he had cut his face. UC was the best place to go because of the plastic surgeon, who was very excited to work on him because, and I quote “usually they die from this injury, so we never get to do this type of surgery”. Yay us!

My husband was the worst patient ever. He literally thought that they would throw some stitches on his face and be on his way… back to work to finish the dig. Then when he came home from the hospital he thought mowing the grass would be a good idea….. I can’t roll my eyes enough.

I also found out that when the accident happened the first thing he did was take a selfie because he wanted to share it on an OSHA social media page where they commiserate on accidents.

He also showed me (and anyone who wanted to see), the picture of half his face falling off.

I politely told him “ewwww I wish I didn’t see that”.

Today, this week, this month, this year…. There are so many things I wish I didn’t see and I wish I didn’t know. I can turn on the news (which I refuse to watch, yay AI which helps me with alerts on safe drama free topics I want to see), or I can go to social media, or turn the radio on, or just listen to a friend or family member talk and I will be faced with a dozen different things that make me twitch.

I don’t think we were meant for this. The constant in your face drama and highlights of things happening in the world that kick in your flight, fight, or freeze response. Actually, I know we weren’t.

Do you know where I think we went wrong?

In 1440-1450 when the printing press was invented? Nah.

1876? I don’t think the telephone was our problem.

The 1890s with the radio or the 1920s when the TV started to become a thing? Nope.

2004 with the boom of social media? Surprisingly, no. It certainly doesn’t help- but it isn’t where it went wrong.

I think it went wrong here:

Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?”

The woman said to the serpent, “We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, 3 but God did say, ‘You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.’”

“You will not certainly die,” the serpent said to the woman. 5 “For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” (Genesis 3:1-4)

Interesting enough, sometimes we skip the part where God admits that yes- the serpent was right, by eating the forbidden fruit Adam and Eve did know good and evil. I mean the serpent didn’t tell them the whole truth, but the part about now knowing good and evil? That was correct. So, they were kicked out of the garden.

You know what we knew before that fateful day?

Only good.

The only relationship we had was one with God, who provided goodness. That’s how we were designed. That’s why I can confidently say that if it is good, it is God.

There’s a reason why our flight, fight, or freeze instincts kick in when we see terrible things happen. There’s a reason why we get PTSD when we see something traumatic or experience trauma.

We weren’t designed to endure it in the first place.

So where do we go from here? Evil is now present. We live with it every day. We can tell moment by moment that we live in a broken, fallen world. What do we do? What’s our next step? How do we live in a place we weren’t supposed to live in? How do I raise my kids in a world that can and will hurt them?

Well, in that same chapter- before God even dealt out the punishment for sin to Adam and Eve… He had the plan.

So the Lord God said to the serpent, “Because you have done this,

“Cursed are you above all livestock
and all wild animals!
You will crawl on your belly
and you will eat dust
all the days of your life.
And I will put enmity
between you and the woman,
and between your offspring[a] and hers;
he will crush[b] your head,
and you will strike his heel.” (Genesis 3:14-15)

The Bible from beginning to end, points to one thing. Jesus. That’s what it means by “he will crush your head”. The “he” is Jesus, and the plan from the beginning was for Jesus to defeat our sin, defeat our death, and return us to the garden one day.

So for me today, and every day- to the best of my ability (which I hope gets better and better each day), I plan to take Jesus up on His offer to fight the evil of this world. That means my only responsibility is to believe this, and be more and more like Jesus, the perfect Teacher.

So how do I become more and more like Jesus? Personally, I’d start with the Truth, which is the Bible.

  • Keep His commands, obey the word. (1 John 2:3-6)
  • Your actions should point to faith, goodness, knowledge, self-control, perseverance, godliness, mutual affection, and love. (2 Peter 1:5-9)
  • Love people. (1 John 2:9-11, John 13:34-35, Romans 12:10, Romans 13:8, Galatians 5:13, Ephesians 4:2….. and guess what there’s more times the Bible says that then just these verses)
  • So, I say again… LOVE PEOPLE.

Guys. There is not a day that will go by that something horrible doesn’t happen. Some injustices feel worse than others, but evil is now in this world, and it is here to destroy, distract, divide, and deal out death.

But Jesus already won this battle. Jesus already defeated the evil. So, please let Jesus take away all the things you shouldn’t have to deal with, all the things you weren’t made for. Give it to Him. That’s what I am going to try and do today and tomorrow, and the next day.

And honestly, I probably will also spend less time on the tools, like social media and the news, that try to show us more than we were meant to see… especially that OSHA Facebook page.

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Faith, Family, Farmhouse

What A Coincidence

Sam

My mom passed away earlier this year. It was really unexpected. I had just talked to her. It is still so surreal sometimes. She had complications from a routine surgery.

Maybe the most surreal part is that I lost a really important person in my life that day and the world is still going on.

One of the things that kept going on was the closing out of her estate. If you read or hear nothing else from this post, let me encourage you to have a will or trust. It is such a gift to your family.

Needless to say, my mom didn’t have one. So it became my job to work with a lawyer and the courts to sell her house and figure out all her assets and liabilities.

It’s frustrating.

If it was just cleaning the house, fixing it to sell, and mowing the lawn….. I could probably handle that. But it’s all the other “stuff”. The family disputes, the back and forth paperwork with probate, running down signatures, setting up an estate account, hunting down all the accounts and bills, and then with the house- not getting offers, dropping the price, negotiating a sale, trying to figure out what makes sense to fix from the inspection report, fighting with the mortgage company…. It was near impossible some days.

Like to the point that I cried to my husband that I just wanted to walk away from it all. Walk away from my family, walk away from honoring my mom by selling her house vs letting it get foreclosed on, and just walk away from grieving my mom.

During that time period- when we weren’t getting any offers, my father-in-law asked me if we had sold it yet. To which I said no, we had some showings, but nothing yet.

He then said something about him praying about it, or asked if I was praying about it, something like that anyways….

And I am embarrassed to admit this, but the answer was no.

I was so frustrated and distracted and disappointed that I was doing everything by myself, that I honestly thought that it was useless to even ask for help….. I think deep down I was trying to hold on to the little bit of control I had left of the situation and didn’t want to give it up. And I truthfully didn’t know how to give it up.

So I prayed immediately.

And we got an offer that next morning.

My husband’s favorite saying is “I don’t believe in coincidences, but when I pray coincidences happen”.

What a coincidence.

But guys, what about all the coincidences that didn’t happen?

I prayed, I fasted, I begged God to heal my mom. I had faith that she was going to recover. I had hope through it all. I prayed countless times through the night in the waiting room with my family.

But my coincidence didn’t happen then. Why was one prayer answered and another wasn’t? Why was the important prayer seemingly ignored?

I’d like to say that was the only area of my life that I prayed so hard for a miracle about. That everything else is smooth sailing, but it’s not. Life hardly ever is- and some seasons are just plain tough.

I’ve had so many things this year. On one day I had two major scares with two different kids. And not to be dramatic, but they weren’t like “oh I got a call from the principal about my kid mooning a kid on the bus” type of scare (although that did happen too), but like I don’t know what the future holds type of scares. I don’t know how to fix it type of scares. Like maybe one scare is “figureoutable” but I might not like what I figure out, and the other scare is just scary and I don’t know how to help.

I’m praying about it all. I have people standing in the gap and praying too. So where’s my coincidence here? I need one really bad and I’d prefer it to happen sooner rather than later.

But, if I have learned anything from my mom’s passing…… it is that I don’t know anything. And it isn’t my favorite thing, but I guess it is ok to not know. I don’t doubt God. I believe He exists. I believe He answers prayers and still preforms miracles. But I have questions and grief that I am pouring out to Him.

Does that mean I lack faith? That because I am confused and waiting on something from God that might not happen, and I am upset about it- that I don’t love God?

I don’t think so. I think it means I have a relationship with God.

The person I am closest to on this side of Heaven is my husband, and I certainly question his ideas and thoughts from time to time- I mean he frequently says things like “it’ll be what it’ll be”- that there alone makes me want to punch him in the throat. I get angry with him. I grieve with him. I even sometimes yell at him. But I would still tell you that I love him…. like I love him a lot and think he is one of the most honest and “good” people I know.

So when I am asking God what the heck is going on and asking what I am supposed to do or asking Him if He’ll answer a prayer and then crying when that prayer doesn’t get answered…….. I think it means I just have a real relationship. One that is back and forth. One that isn’t built on all the things God can do for me and if He makes me mad or doesn’t do what I ask that I stop loving him, but instead it is built on loving Him through the times that I don’t get what I want.

God’s thoughts are not mine, but that doesn’t mean I can’t ask. Maybe He’ll tell me why, maybe He won’t. Maybe I’ll find out that it was a blessing I didn’t even know I needed- or there’s a purpose to this pain. Or maybe I’ll never know or figure out the “good” in the situation. But I can still respect Him- even if I wanted something different with every part of me.

It reminds me of the book of Daniel.

During this time Israel was seized by Babylon- who were just straight up evil.

The King (Nebuchadnezzar) took all the healthy, strong, and smart Israel boys to be his servants. This included Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah. You might know them better by the names they were given by Nebuchadnezzar – Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego.

(Side note: I heard recently that Daniel wrote his Babylonian name wrong all through the Bible. So even when he was writing what God wanted Him to in the Bible he tried to stick it to the Babylonians- which makes me think Daniel was super petty, haha.)

Anyways….. Nebuchadnezzar wanted them to eat from his table (i.e. really good food to keep them strong), but most of the food would go against the Jewish laws. The king also wanted them to worship him and his gods and not God.

To make a long story short, Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah said no, and trusted God would provide.

And He did.

Even though they didn’t eat the “good” food they were stronger than those who did.

And when Hanaiah, Mishael, and Azariah said they wouldn’t bow to the statue of gold Nebuchadnezzar made and got thrown in a fire (that was so hot it actually killed the people throwing the guys in), they said; “If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from your majesty’s hand, BUT even if he does not, we want you to know, your majesty, we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up”.

They didn’t burn, there was another figure in the fire with them- Jesus.

And similarly, Daniel wouldn’t stop praying to God so he was thrown into a lion’s den- and God shut the mouths of the lion and he wasn’t killed.

Their coincidences came true. They believed God would and He did.

But, and again I like to make this disclaimer a lot, I am not a Bible scholar at all, but I bet that wasn’t all they probably prayed for.

If I had to guess I would say they prayed that they wouldn’t get ripped away from their family (some of which were probably killed), and I bet they prayed that they wouldn’t get their names stripped away and given new ones, that the Babylonians wouldn’t try to strip them of their entire identity, and I am even willing to bet they prayed to be delivered and set free from Nebuchadnezzar time and time again.

But that didn’t happen.

Sometimes, prayers don’t get answered. Sometimes the enemy attacks. Sometimes we make stupid choices and have consequences (my husband’s other favorite saying is “play stupid games, win stupid prizes”). And sometimes we live in a broken, fallen, sin filled world that God was loving enough to provide a way for us to be rid of through the death of Jesus on the cross. I don’t think we can ever focus on the “why” bad things happen, because that means we are looking backwards. Instead, I find it much more productive to look at the “who” that can fix it.

I know God is good. I know this because He’s orchestrated steps in my life to lead me to have a support system through this that I never could of imagined. I know He’s good from watching Him work in other areas of my life and my friend’s life. I know He’s good because my foundation is the truth in His word, and the Bible says He’s good and I have proof to back up those claims.

I know that sometimes my prayer isn’t going to be answered. My coincidence might not ever come. And I’ll probably have a breakdown and not know what to do and get angry and sad and scared. I might even yell. But I’m still going to pray for my coincidence because I still want everything, including everlasting life and peace, that comes with a real relationship with God, “even if”……………

It's Fine I'm Fine Everythings Fine ...

Faith

Extra, Extra

Sam

Last Thanksgiving my friend put out a text message to our small group asking if anyone had a fancy place setting that they could use for a video for church. We all know that the text was meant for one person and one person only… me. Of course, I have holiday place settings around my table that we must move every time we eat because my kids are heathens when eating and I don’t want my place settings to actually be used…. They are just for looks. Duh.

Do I also do matching PJs on Christmas morning? Yes. Family Halloween costumes? You know it. Matching shirts we all wear on vacations? Usually. Did I throw my dog a 1st birthday party? I wanted an excuse to have cake. Elaborate teacher gifts? Look, they deserve the most elaborate gift in the world for dealing with my kids.

I wear makeup most days, curl my hair, and have worn heals to a bonfire.

I have a closet that is full of gifts in case someone springs a party on me last minute and I also have a cabinet in my kitchen just for when I host gatherings.

I have been accused and found guilty of being “extra”.

Most of my friends mean it in a pretty positive light. For example, when one of my best friends needs Christmas trees for a photo session and I happen to have 6 she can borrow. Or when we do a girl’s trip and no one needs to know anything but to be awake at 6 am because I’ve already got our ride to the airport figured out, boarding passes downloaded and a full itinerary planned. No one complains then….

But sometimes, I have a few people (usually who I am not super close to) call me “extra” in a way that is meant to shame me. It is hard to explain… but it is almost like because I find joy (and I would even call it a gifting) in what they would say are superficial things that I am somehow “less than”. Or I am impractical or lack common sense. Or that I care more about the world and looks than people and Jesus.

I don’t think it helps that I have seen sermon after sermon, and a lot of devotionals about how you should be a Mary not a Martha. And no, I am not referring to Martha Stewart…. Although can we just pause to acknowledge that 1) what a coincidence both their names are Martha and 2) what a shame it is that there is an entire generation who probably doesn’t know who Martha Stewart is???? No lie, I was once asked if I could meet two people (dead or alive) who would I choose? And I seriously said Jesus and Martha Stewart….. anyways.

If you aren’t familiar with this particular part of the Bible, here it is:

38 As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. 39 She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. 40 But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

41 “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, 42 but few things are needed—or indeed only one.[a] Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:38-42

First, I’d like to take a pause here and insert my husband’s name into this passage at times for Mary…. I know it is a running joke that right before a party all husband’s find the most absurd thing to “help” with… like cleaning the gutters. My husband has taken it one step further and is now indoctrinating our kids. We were about to host people the other day and my oldest decided that was the perfect time to clean his room… nope, he decided he needed to use the backpack blower to rake leaves.

In all seriousness though I sympathize with Martha in this passage. She’s doing all the work, and she just wants some help. However, the Lord urgently says that Martha isn’t focused on the right thing, but Mary is. (I always choose to think Jesus said it not in a harsh, loud urgent way… but more of a “oh my dear child, listen to me” way).

Anyways, the gist is that Jesus wasn’t going to tell Mary to stop listening to Him in order to help Martha.

In a lot of devotionals and sermons on this passage it is pointed out that we all need to stop worrying about this world, and the to-do lists, and we need to rest in the eternal peace only Jesus can bring. We need to focus on the one thing that is needed. Jesus. Which is 100% true.

However……

Let me point out a few things.

  • Jesus went to MARTHA’S house. Not Mary’s, not their brother Lazarus’ house. Martha’s.

My non-bible school interpretation of this? Jesus was hungry and tired, and he knew Martha could cook and take care of him and his whole gang of friends. Do you know how rare it was that it was Martha’s house during that time? A woman’s house? Rare, friend, rare. Martha made Jesus and his disciples felt so taken care of that they dropped in (somewhat) unannounced. Probably more than once.

  • Martha was loved by Jesus.

In John 11, in another passage Martha’s brother was sick and ended up dying and Jesus took His time to get to them. In the description of the family (Martha, Mary, and Lazarus) it is said “Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus.” (John 11:5). I mean we are all loved by Jesus….. but it’s called out here to show just how close they are. Which means Martha knew God (and His word), loved God and loved His son, Jesus.

  • Jesus never told her to stop hosting or caring for others in her home…. She was told to stop worrying about it.

That might not seem like a big difference but to me it is.

A few years back I had a lot of shame when it came to this. I listened to those sermons and devotions saying, “Be a Mary in a Martha World”. So, I decided I’d try that advice. It was right before a party we were hosting. I remember vowing I was going to be a “Mary” not a “Martha”. I picked up the house a little, made some basic food, and settled in to sit like Mary did. Want to know what happened? My husband straight up panicked and thought I was mad at him because I didn’t give him his pre-party to-do list, my kids asked what activities I had planned, and I didn’t enjoy sitting as much as I thought I would.

My husband likes my to-do list (usually, I mean… as long as a house project isn’t on it), it tells him exactly what to do. In fact, if someone could tell me in detail exactly what to do I think I’d like that too.. anyways…. Also, my kids like when I plan fun traditions and make things special. And yes, they might get embarrassed taking in mini piñatas and nachos to their teachers, but you can bet they ask me what I am doing this year for their teachers.

Turns out I am a Martha.

And that is ok.

Jesus never asked Martha to not be Martha. Jesus saw Martha. Like He really saw her. He knew she was the one He could count on to take care of him. He knew she had an amazing gift for hosting and making people feel welcomed. AND He knows that the kingdom needs that. I mean most Churches have a whole hospitality team to make people feel welcomed and feel taken care of.

Christian’s all have a gift or talent we’ve been entrusted with to further God’s kingdom. Maybe yours is encouraging people, or maybe it is teaching, or helping or maybe it is healing, wisdom, prophecy, faith… there are several guys. And as it turns out in order to reach the MOST people to tell them about Jesus, we need all the gifts.

One person might shut down if you start teaching them right away. They might need to see you helping in action to realize they can trust the God you serve. But another person might need facts and truth, they value wisdom and although they acknowledge emotions, they like taking emotions out of decisions.

Here’s the thing, what Jesus was talking about to Martha… is that she needed to stop worrying about the task and focus on the reason. Not change her task per-se.

This means;

  • You might have to recognize that your need to be “right” or “seen” isn’t near as important as making sure the person comes to know Jesus.
  • You have to recognize when someone else’s gifting might be better in a situation. WE have to work together.
  • You can’t let your gifting be used for the wrong purpose or even “just because”. Your talent is a direct gift from God, use it for Him.
  • If you start to worry and stress about “doing” whatever you think you’re called to do, you need to re-exam if you have your priorities right.

Martha started to use her gift in a way that wasn’t accomplishing what she was meant to use it for. Her purpose was to serve Jesus. She did that usually very well, by serving his physical needs. But her sister is different and Martha can’t push that on her sister.

That’s what Jesus was telling Martha. He was saying; “Martha serve me whole heartedly, like your sister is doing right now.” He didn’t say serve me differently than how you are, just keep the main point the main point. Which is always Jesus.

I am proud to be a Martha. But from time to time, I do need the reminder that my calling is to be a child of God and to lead others to know Jesus, not to just host parties for no reason. However, if you do need a wooden sled to decorate with, themed dinnerware, baby girl shower décor, or just a place to drink fancy coffee from my coffee bar and talk about Jesus… I have that covered.

 

 

 

Faith

Hit Submit

Sam

This may come as a shock to you… but I am an opiniated, loud, and fiercely independent woman. Ha! If you’ve seen me watch any of my kids play sports or talk about budgets, this does not come as a shock to you.

Here’s the thing, I enjoy my career and it is a priority in my life. We also depend on my income and my husband’s. I like to share my thoughts, and sometimes I even have some good thoughts. I also don’t mind a good debate every now and then. And I have been known to call people out on things I feel are disrespectful. I don’t have any signs in my office that say Boss B, but I smile when I see those signs at Marshall’s. I also enjoy a good eyeroll when I don’t see women represented in certain leadership positions (*cough* School Board *cough*).

I believe, and I claim over my life that God made me this way. He made me passionate about the things I believe in and a desire to learn. He has blessed me with the career and job I have- which has led me to a stronger and more courageous faith. And He has flamed my desire to be independent and to teach others to be independent, so that at the end of the day we can rely solely on Him and be free of this world’s ways.

So imagine my utter surprise (and younger me’s utter disappointment) when He also told me I had to “submit” to my husband.

Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. (Colossians 3:18)

Or… this verse…

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. (Ephesians 5:22-24)

I won’t lie, I did my best for a good part of my life to ignore this. Clearly this message was not intended for women of today. I mean when the Bible was written it was from a time when women had little to no rights, so surly that part of the Bible was a little outdated.

Yeah, no. The Bible is as relevant today as it was then, and will have the same amount of relevancy 1,000 years from today. God does not change with the times. The World changes with the times, and we are called to not live for this World but instead for eternal life and our promise of life beyond our time here.

Furthermore, I can argue that Jesus was actually very respectful with His interactions with women at the time, compared to others in society… so if He said wives need to submit to their husbands, well, then wives need to submit.

Unfortunately, I am not super submissive. In fact, I’d say I was the opposite of submissive because I am a control freak. But it’s cool because God made me that way. I trust that there is a way to be both a strong and independent women….. and a submissive wife and child of God. And I *think* our society and the enemy likes to tell us the lie that we have to choose. I’ll actually go one step further and say that the enemy is absolutely afraid that we will stumble on the truth that we are ALL called to be both.  And if we do embrace being strong and free and submissive… well then we wouldn’t fall into his trap and he’d be powerless.

Anyways… let me first tell you through trial and error a few things submission is NOT.

  • It is not being quiet. (Thank the Lord)
  • It is not letting someone tell you what to do without regards to your feelings or wellbeing.
  • It is not following someone without questions.
  • It is not doing everything from cleaning to cooking to childrearing to (fill in the blank) without expecting any help and with a smile on your face.
  • It is not being co-dependent.
  • It is not being a martyr.
  • It is not denying who God designed you to be… even if that person is loud (passionate) and independent (free).

There are a lot of other things submission is not. But from my very brief dabble in it, these are some things I’ve found submission IS.

  • It is asking your husband his opinion before your friends.
  • It is surrounding yourself with friends who build up their husbands.
  • It is supporting him and singing his praises.
  • It is giving him words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, quality time, and physical touch.
  • It is praying for him and with him.
  • It is valuing his ideas and being thankful to his contributions to the household.
  • It is respecting him and not coveting a quality in him that is not there.
  • It is being a good reflection of him and complementing his identity.
  • It is being a united front.
  • It is trying to understand him.
  • It is learning from him.
  • It is holding him accountable.
  • It is accepting his love towards you.

Submission is between a wife and a husband because there is a covenant (or agreement) set up. So let me be clear. If one person is not holding up their end of the agreement, then the other part of the agreement or covenant starts to become void or needs restoration. So. If a wife or husband is being abused mentally, physically, or emotionally that’s a breakdown in the covenant. If there has been immoral conduct. That is a breakdown in the covenant.

God asks His people who have agreed to be in covenant with Him to obey His rules and submit to Him. If there is a breakdown in that agreement, if we can’t obey and submit, a new covenant has to be forged.

Spoiler alert…… we have broken our covenant with God a lot. Like so much. It started in the Garden of Eden and it continues today with every decision we make to be further away from Him.

You know what God calls our husbands to do for us, their wives? He says “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church”. You know what his ultimate display of love was? A sacrifice. We messed up our covenant with God so much that the only way to fix it. The only way to continue to have a relationship with God, was for either us or God to restore the covenant. God never broke the agreement. We did. So God did what no mother or father or grandparent or care giver in their right mind would do, and made a sacrifice so big, so pure, and so perfect…… He sacrificed His Son so that we could start anew. The sacrifice to end all sacrifices. And our end of the new agreement? We have to love God. And to love God is to know that His Son died on the cross to wipe away all our wrongs…..

Whew… to bring it all back around. Ladies, between the two of us- husbands and wives. We got the better end of the deal. We’ve got to submit. And yeah, that might be hard, especially when he hasn’t taken out the trash like he said he would 2 days ago….. but he’s called to sacrifice for us….. just like God sacrificed for us.

 

Faith

The Rich Fool

Sam

For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. James 3:16

Because writing this blog has been like ripping off a band-aid…. I thought why not just add one more confession to the never ending list of things I have (sometimes still do) struggle with. I am not sure how to gently glide into this subject- so instead I am just going to share a story with you…..

So, my dad used to own about 55 acres that he inherited, this was half of the entire farm my grandma and grandpa owned before they passed away. It was where I spent a majority of my childhood. It has a creek in the back, hills, pasture fields, crops, wild blackberry bushes, and some of the best memories of when I was a kid.

At one point it was my dad’s dream to build there- but life just didn’t give him that opportunity. He was always generous with the land though and at one point offered Kyle and I some land to build on around the same time we bought our first house. We weren’t in the position financially that we could build at that point so we instead bought a house closer to where my husband worked and realized that was the area God was calling us to.

Fast forward a few years and we were at a point where we were deciding what do to about our house. We were constantly looking at houses and just trying to figure out what was next for our family. My older brother was at this point too and he had settled on building. His kids were going to the school district the land my dad owned was in, and my brother had the same dream as my dad to build on the property that had been in our family for generations. So my dad gifted him all 55 acres. My dad asked me first if I’d be mad about it. But my brother and I had seen families divided over inheritances and we promised we wouldn’t do that.

To recap:

  • We were offered the land at one point in time.
  • It wasn’t in the school district or area where it made sense for us to build.
  • My brother actually wanted the land so he could use it.

So between the pact I made with my brother and the fact that I never fully intended to do anything with the land I said it didn’t bother me. Guess what? It did bother me. Oh and what’s more it escalated even further with every update I received on the gorgeous house my brother was building.

My jealousy quickly turned to every evil practice- like James so wisely points out in the Bible. I started judging my brother, I’d turn my nose up to certain things he did, and I gossiped and let more than one person know all of this. In fact, a decent amount of my friends sympathized and agreed with me. I was being wronged.

I let this irrational jealousy that my brother got something I didn’t build up to a point that I was angry at my brother (who did nothing wrong) and my dad (who also did nothing wrong). I wasn’t entitled to that land, my dad could do whatever he wanted with it.  And my brother was just doing what was best for his family- something I should want because they were my family too.

Finally, I was kind of at a boiling point and I yelled at my dad at Skyline- the place we go after church every Sunday, because he had the audacity to tell me I was acting jealous. Once we were in the car Kyle told me I had to let it go. What was done was done, and that our family (Kyle, the boys, and I) were going to be OK no matter if we had that land or not. FYI, that wasn’t what I wanted to hear.

Usually, at the first sign of trouble you should go to God. Actually, at the sign of joy, sorrow, trouble or just because it’s a Tuesday you should go to God. But I was so deep in my jealous rampage and I didn’t want to hear what God had to say so He was the last person I turned to. But after my hissy fit in Skyline and pouting on the ride home because Kyle didn’t tell me what I wanted to hear I decided that I would try to stop being jealous. I wish you could see me writing this because you’d know that the “try” I am talking about includes deep sighs and eye rolling.

However, God is really good to me. He truly chases after me and tries to herd me back into His flock when I go astray. Because the next week (post dramatic Skyline meltdown) I was in charge of teaching Sunday School at church and the story our curriculum said I had to teach was Luke 12:13-21. I wasn’t familiar with this parable so maybe you aren’t either- let me just tell you what the first verse is…

Someone in the crowd said to him, “Teacher, tell my brother to divide the inheritance with me.”

Jesus replied, “Man, who appointed me a judge or an arbiter between you?” Then he said to them, “Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; life does not consist in an abundance of possessions.”

The name of this parable is called The Rich Fool. I have tears in my eyes telling you all this. Guys, I am such a rich fool. I have an abundance of things, material things that mean nothing. And I have real things that mean everything. I have a husband who guides me daily to be a better person. I have kids who are witty and loving- ones who ask me for 6 hugs a day then after I give them those 6 hugs they tell me they meant 7 hugs. I have a career that I still pinch myself that I was given. I have the best friends- even ones who are nice enough to feel wronged for me! I have family (biological, adopted, and married into) that show me everyday how much they love me and give me unconditional support.

To think that at one point I was letting my jealousy of something material like land get in the way of some of the most important relationships in my life: with my dad and my brother and most importantly God. I can’t help but know that if I was in the crowd that day with Jesus he would have yelled at me that I was being foolish. That I wasn’t concentrating on what really mattered and was instead giving into greed. Thankfully, through His grace I was given yet another chance to put away my jealousy and just rely on Him. He gave my heart comfort and he gave me peace. In fact, verse 17 in James 3 that I shared at the beginning of this post continues on and says “But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.”

Maybe you aren’t struggling with jealousy over land, or maybe you don’t even struggle with jealousy at all. But is there something on your heart right now that you just can’t shake? An offense that you keep bringing up? Let me save you from an awkward Skyline temper tantrum; God can replace your jealousy, envy, or whatever offense you carry and give you hope, peace, and a love that is full of mercy. I don’t know about you, but I am trying to get better at taking Him up on His offer.

Faith

An open letter to the mom who skips church.

Sam
Photo Credit: Jenn Shreve Photography

 

Hi friend,

I’ve invited you to small group for a while now. You sometimes ignore my text or call, sometimes you answer me and say maybe, and sometimes you say yes- but we both know you aren’t coming.

You see, I know you have a sweet baby at home. One that is still nursing. One that still needs you and only you to tuck them in. One that you haven’t seen all day because you are at work and miss your baby so much that as soon as you get home you can’t possibly think about leaving them again.

I see how hard you work to give your baby just the right amount of kisses and cuddles. You make sure you’ve read to them each night. You know you only have a small window that they are little and you need to soak up as much time with them as possible.

I know this season of life is tough. I know you are juggling hungry babies, moody toddlers, and independent-think-they-don’t-need-you-anymore little kids. So I know you skip church more than you’d like. You don’t want to impose your child’s tantrums on the nursery volunteer and most Sundays the kids distract you too much to actually get anything out of a sermon.

I was you, I am you.

Oh, how I know how hard it is to get the kids out of the house on time. Some days I swear it is my boys sole objective to see how many times I can tell them to get dressed. Surely they are keeping a tally of the times I yell and they are just trying to see if they can beat their all time record.

I also know time slips by way too fast. I still can’t believe that my oldest is in school. I miss him. I mean I miss him being a baby- reflux and all. I miss his tantrums, although he still has them from time to time, they aren’t quite as sweet as his pouting wails because I broke his granola bar in two.

I understand why you don’t come to small group and I feel you on a gut level of why you avoid church. I know you’ll come when life isn’t so hectic. Or when your baby doesn’t need you as much.

But what I need to tell you is that your baby needs you to go to small group. Those babies need to scream at those nursery volunteers. Ok, maybe that is a stretch but hear me out.

There is going to come a time where you need to know your identity is not defined by your kids. This might manifest because one of your kids does something terrible and you need to know that your kids make their own choices (good and bad) and it does not matter how amazing their upbringing was. They aren’t perfect and mistakes will be made. You need to know that your kids mistakes aren’t all your fault.

There will come a time where you find yourself with more free time than you had before. Maybe it is while sitting at a t-ball practice, but I promise you, you will not always be nursing or rocking a baby to sleep. It is during these times a small whisper will say “now what?”.

You need a tribe of friends to help you navigate these things. They will calm your soul and say sweet things like “I know”. They won’t try to fix you, they’ll just cry with you. Your pain will be their pain, you will share joy and laughter like you’ve never experienced. You’ll learn together how to get through the struggles of life by relying on the truths God laid out for you to follow.

Your kids need to see this. There will be a day when they aren’t guided 100% by you. They’ll be influenced by their friends. They need to know how to pick good friends. They need to see what that looks like. That it isn’t a one sided relationship, that a real friend is your cheerleader and a real friend truly cares about your happiness. They are a friend who holds you accountable– and sometimes that means telling you “that’s not how you’re supposed to act”.

Though church might be hard right now, you need to try. As a mom I know you know this but they aren’t going to stay this little forever. This season of tantrums when you drop them off will slowly fade, they won’t always scream “let me down” while their baby brother is being dedicated in front of the church, and they won’t always make a bee line for the drums on stage. The church needs to see them in all their glory. Sometimes I think it’s because God needs a chuckle that day. But I know it’s also because when you see a child grow up before your eyes, you are more invested in that child. Your child needs people who are looking out for them against this world.

Also, sweet momma, sometimes God repays you for your faithfulness and provides you amazing moments. Moments so tender you think you can’t possibly love any deeper. Moments where your six year old and four year old have discussions in the car about how strong God is and declare loudly that God is better than Santa because without God there would be no Santa. You need those moments.

But I understand why you’re just not quite ready yet. I know you, when God nudges you, you’ll follow. Until then please know I wished you’d join me at church- mostly because I’m tired of it always being my kids who try to blow out the advent candles but also because your kids need you to be there.

Faith, Family, Farmhouse

First things first.

Sam

So you’ve decided to check out just another farmhouse blog? I know you. You are either a family member (hi mom!) or friend who’ve I shamelessly begged to follow me, or like me obsessed with all things farmhouse. You’ve checked out the other 503+ blogs out there about how to build your dream farmhouse and now you’ve stumbled on mine- which to be honest probably isn’t too different than all the others. So why should you keep checking in here? I mean what is different? I’m going to be real. I am not a professional Christian, wife, mother, crafter, photographer, construction guru, or interior designer.

Needless to say my photo editing skills include begging one of my best friends to take pictures for me, or using Instagram filters. So if you want beautiful farmhouse photos this is not the place for that. I think my pictures are OK and they are real– like I might forget to move a highchair out of the way of a photo I post. My decorating skills are on par with my budget- basically really sound in a structural type of way but not excessive.

My abilities as a mom, or crafter, or chef are limited. I work really, really, really hard to keep my kids alive, dressed (which is harder than you think- or maybe you too have toddlers who love to be naked), fed, semi-clean, and well-rounded. But I pretty much fail daily on this. Except the keeping the kids alive. I do that, but barely. So if you are here to learn how to cook from scratch, raise perfect kids who go to Church and don’t try to light it on fire, or sew homemade costumes- well let me introduce you to other blogs for that or my personal favorite amazon.com.

As far as a wife goes….. Kyle (my husband) hasn’t complained. Well, let me rephrase he hasn’t complained to me. Honestly though, in Kyle’s words “we get along so well because I am easy going”. He’s the calm to my storm, the practical to my wild, and all in all really is easy going. I try. I really do. Like in all areas of my life sometimes I’m a really amazing supportive wife and other times I’m just a supportive wife- and then when times get a little overwhelming I’m just a wife.

So what can I promise you here? Well, I think I can promise you some honesty and some realistic budgets for building your dream house. I feel like sometimes what is lacking on sites is the authentic budgets. Like I see the ones that are 4,000 square feet and a million dollars to build or ones where you build it yourself and spend $50K on a $500K house. This place will be as middle of the road as possible. AND because it is my place to post- I will also share a few things on faith and family– because honestly the farmhouse part doesn’t do much for me without the other two.

Thanks for stopping in and I hope you enjoy!

– Sam

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Faith

I have control issues.

Sam

There are two things that I have always said keep me from having a better relationship with God: control and not realizing how powerful God is. You might be thinking- wow! only two things?! This person has it together! Or maybe you are a rock star Christian and you are already scrolling to the comment section to provide me with the perfect Bible versus. Whichever camp you are in, hear me out here as I try to dive into one of my major struggles..

Relax, nothing is under control- unknown

I think that a majority of our worldly struggles come in the form of control. Either we thrive off it, we give it to someone who doesn’t deserve it (our kids, our spouse, social media, etc.), or better yet we don’t give it to who actually should have it.


Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Philippians 4:6

I basically have all these control issues. All of them.

Have you ever made a to-do list for your to-do list? No? Well, how about put things on your list just to be able to cross it off? Or the thoughts “if I just try a little harder”, “if I just could get my husband to clean up after himself a little”, or “if I can just get the kids to listen”. Maybe it comes out like this: if I can just power my way through this hard part of my life- it will all be OK.

I have a thought every other day (or every other hour) that starts with the word I when it comes to whatever part of my life that’s hit a rough patch. I put a lot of power into what I can do in a situation.

I thrive off control. I really do. When I feel in control of a situation life is a little better. When I tell my kids what to do and they do it, I feel powerful. When I get to sit at my desk at work and accomplish my to-do list in an orderly fashion the world is amazing! My husband, who is truly a gift from God, is great about giving into my control. He knows it means more to me than him, so he lets go of the things he can’t control. I mean who wouldn’t like to feel in control of what happens to them?

But do you know what the issue of thriving off control (or back in my un-Christian like days I liked to call a Type-A personality) creates? It means that when I am not in control the world is terrible. When my kids have been told to get buckled in the car 14 times and instead are looking for a lost toy under the seat, or my husband remembers the 3 things he was supposed to do right before we leave the house (like take the trash out) and makes us late, or work is a hot mess of fires to put out- so much so that I can’t even do my daily tasks……well… I feel out of control. When I feel out of control I yell, I become bitter, I am not the wife, mom, or friend I know I was designed to be.

Or how about a worst case scenario. Something truly terrible happens. Like a child’s sickness, a close family member or friend’s death, or someone who you trusted takes advantage of that trust. What is your reaction when you can’t control a situation like that? It breaks you. And if it doesn’t break you- you are constantly looking for the part in the situation that you can control. Now don’t get me wrong- looking for the parts you can control is a great coping mechanism and is a needed life skill. What I am talking about is how needing control can control you.

I don’t want this yo-yo of back and forth emotions where one minute I am happy because I am in control and the next I am not. I don’t want my happiness to depend on other people either, like when my kids are good (and I use this term lightly) then I feel like a good mom or if my marriage is not doing the best then that must mean I am a failure. I want to be a naturally happy person.

So how do you become happy? Although, there are so many examples I can give you, I choose to leave you with this: Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth (Matthew 5:5).

God wants you to be happy. He has filled pages upon pages of words with encouragement and instruction of how to do so. In Matthew he even writes us a to-do list (control freaks rejoice!) One way of obtaining that happiness is to become meek, or submissive. Simply put: you give it to God.

I challenge you to give up your fear, your control issues, any and all crosses you bear and follow Him. I can’t speak for you, but I know I am happier because of it.