Tag: #justanotherfarmhouse

Faith

The Rich Fool

Sam

For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. James 3:16

Because writing this blog has been like ripping off a band-aid…. I thought why not just add one more confession to the never ending list of things I have (sometimes still do) struggle with. I am not sure how to gently glide into this subject- so instead I am just going to share a story with you…..

So, my dad used to own about 55 acres that he inherited, this was half of the entire farm my grandma and grandpa owned before they passed away. It was where I spent a majority of my childhood. It has a creek in the back, hills, pasture fields, crops, wild blackberry bushes, and some of the best memories of when I was a kid.

At one point it was my dad’s dream to build there- but life just didn’t give him that opportunity. He was always generous with the land though and at one point offered Kyle and I some land to build on around the same time we bought our first house. We weren’t in the position financially that we could build at that point so we instead bought a house closer to where my husband worked and realized that was the area God was calling us to.

Fast forward a few years and we were at a point where we were deciding what do to about our house. We were constantly looking at houses and just trying to figure out what was next for our family. My older brother was at this point too and he had settled on building. His kids were going to the school district the land my dad owned was in, and my brother had the same dream as my dad to build on the property that had been in our family for generations. So my dad gifted him all 55 acres. My dad asked me first if I’d be mad about it. But my brother and I had seen families divided over inheritances and we promised we wouldn’t do that.

To recap:

  • We were offered the land at one point in time.
  • It wasn’t in the school district or area where it made sense for us to build.
  • My brother actually wanted the land so he could use it.

So between the pact I made with my brother and the fact that I never fully intended to do anything with the land I said it didn’t bother me. Guess what? It did bother me. Oh and what’s more it escalated even further with every update I received on the gorgeous house my brother was building.

My jealousy quickly turned to every evil practice- like James so wisely points out in the Bible. I started judging my brother, I’d turn my nose up to certain things he did, and I gossiped and let more than one person know all of this. In fact, a decent amount of my friends sympathized and agreed with me. I was being wronged.

I let this irrational jealousy that my brother got something I didn’t build up to a point that I was angry at my brother (who did nothing wrong) and my dad (who also did nothing wrong). I wasn’t entitled to that land, my dad could do whatever he wanted with it.  And my brother was just doing what was best for his family- something I should want because they were my family too.

Finally, I was kind of at a boiling point and I yelled at my dad at Skyline- the place we go after church every Sunday, because he had the audacity to tell me I was acting jealous. Once we were in the car Kyle told me I had to let it go. What was done was done, and that our family (Kyle, the boys, and I) were going to be OK no matter if we had that land or not. FYI, that wasn’t what I wanted to hear.

Usually, at the first sign of trouble you should go to God. Actually, at the sign of joy, sorrow, trouble or just because it’s a Tuesday you should go to God. But I was so deep in my jealous rampage and I didn’t want to hear what God had to say so He was the last person I turned to. But after my hissy fit in Skyline and pouting on the ride home because Kyle didn’t tell me what I wanted to hear I decided that I would try to stop being jealous. I wish you could see me writing this because you’d know that the “try” I am talking about includes deep sighs and eye rolling.

However, God is really good to me. He truly chases after me and tries to herd me back into His flock when I go astray. Because the next week (post dramatic Skyline meltdown) I was in charge of teaching Sunday School at church and the story our curriculum said I had to teach was Luke 12:13-21. I wasn’t familiar with this parable so maybe you aren’t either- let me just tell you what the first verse is…

Someone in the crowd said to him, “Teacher, tell my brother to divide the inheritance with me.”

Jesus replied, “Man, who appointed me a judge or an arbiter between you?” Then he said to them, “Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; life does not consist in an abundance of possessions.”

The name of this parable is called The Rich Fool. I have tears in my eyes telling you all this. Guys, I am such a rich fool. I have an abundance of things, material things that mean nothing. And I have real things that mean everything. I have a husband who guides me daily to be a better person. I have kids who are witty and loving- ones who ask me for 6 hugs a day then after I give them those 6 hugs they tell me they meant 7 hugs. I have a career that I still pinch myself that I was given. I have the best friends- even ones who are nice enough to feel wronged for me! I have family (biological, adopted, and married into) that show me everyday how much they love me and give me unconditional support.

To think that at one point I was letting my jealousy of something material like land get in the way of some of the most important relationships in my life: with my dad and my brother and most importantly God. I can’t help but know that if I was in the crowd that day with Jesus he would have yelled at me that I was being foolish. That I wasn’t concentrating on what really mattered and was instead giving into greed. Thankfully, through His grace I was given yet another chance to put away my jealousy and just rely on Him. He gave my heart comfort and he gave me peace. In fact, verse 17 in James 3 that I shared at the beginning of this post continues on and says “But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.”

Maybe you aren’t struggling with jealousy over land, or maybe you don’t even struggle with jealousy at all. But is there something on your heart right now that you just can’t shake? An offense that you keep bringing up? Let me save you from an awkward Skyline temper tantrum; God can replace your jealousy, envy, or whatever offense you carry and give you hope, peace, and a love that is full of mercy. I don’t know about you, but I am trying to get better at taking Him up on His offer.

Farmhouse

Building Timeline

Sam

So here’s the deal. I am going to give you an actual check list of what order things are typically done when building. But I need you to know that building a house is dependent on………. weather, humans, and where you are building. Which means that if you have terrible weather (thank you Ohio) this list might change and timing might be adjusted. And because building is so dependent on sub-contractors, if one is running behind it can mess up timing of other things too. Also, depending on where you live this list can have things it is missing or things that need to be added to it (i.e. a structural engineer stamp or added township inspections).

Also, I know you know this but planning is key. I highly suggest you read First Things First: Building a House. This list is really for after you have your land secured and builder selected. Also, because I am super nice if you want this in a PDF list scroll to the bottom.

  • Address
    • Through Township- Our township trustees are only there a few times/hours a month, but we got it approved the day we took it
    • Also register mail address with USPS- took a few weeks
  • Driveway Permit
    • Through ODOT (Ohio Dept. of Transportation because we built on a State road)
    • Ours came within a week
  • Soil Samples
    • Took about a month
  • Site Survey/Septic Design
    • We gave a set of plans we drew up that showed approx. footage off the road, size of house, angle of house, etc.
    • They used this for official plans which was sent to the Septic Designer who overlaid Septic Plans
    • Site Survey said 6 weeks out but took more like 8 weeks- dependent on how backed up your contractor is
    • Once the Septic Designer got the Site Survey and soil results this only took a few weeks
  • House Plans (working on at the same time as septic etc.)
    • This took almost 10 weeks and I had to stay on top of them
    • We did not have to have an engineer stamp
    • Our plans had trusses not rafters (trusses are stamped by the manufacture of the trusses)
    • Our plans had the basic electric work up (i.e. pointed out where the double oven was, smoke detectors, etc.) but did not include the number of circuits needed which we got that number from our electrician (we needed this for the permit application)
  • Township Permit
    • Through our Township- they are only there a few times/hours a month, but again this was approved the day we took it
    • You will need your Site Survey
  • Septic Permit
    • Through the Board of Health
    • You will need your Site Survey, Township Permit, and Septic Design
    • Approved within a week, typically whoever is doing your septic gets this for you but he was busy so we just went ahead and got it
  • Building Permit
    • Through our County
    • You will need your approved Septic Permit, multiple sets of plans, Site Survey, Township permit, and plus we had to fill out an application
    • We had our plans not accepted once because we needed to mark two small things (CO detectors outside all bedrooms and bathroom exhaust fans needed to vent outside)
    • The process of turning them in, rejection, then resubmitting and approval took 5 days
  • Temporary Electric
    • This was through our electric company and our electrician helped set it up
    • We had to wait on land clearing and loan completion
  • Loan Process
    • Pre-approved in March, construction loan finalized in August. (6 months) (I think this can go faster if you stay on top of the bank. We were not in a rush.)
    • Items the Bank requested
      • Financials Records (W2, Tax Returns, paystubs, etc.)
      • Cost breakdown (Builder’s cost plus all “other” costs)
      • Builder’s Contract
      • Builder’s Risk Insurance (through your agent)- this is good for one year
      • Additionally, since we did do some land clearing and half driveway before our loan was approved we had to send a Letter of Intention
      • Application fee, plus down payment
  • Final plan design with Builder
    • Once we had the loan closing date we scheduled a time with our Builder to go over the plan one more time.
  • Foundation Poured (footers and basement walls)
    • Two weeks out from loan closing
    • I think this depends on what projects they have going and where you are on the list
    • Footers need inspected.
    • Also, if like us you do a roughed-in future bathroom in the basement, this will need inspected before you pour concrete.
  • Framing
    • Completed within a month of ground breaking
    • Framing needs inspected.
  • Dried In
    • This includes outside wall sheeting, windows, and doors installed
    • Within 2 months of foundation being poured
  • HVAC, Electric and Plumbing
    • Once your house has doors and windows and can be locked you can start on these projects
    • These all take a lot of time. I’m hesitant to even give a typical time frame as it is really on-going the entire time you are building.
    • All this will need a “rough-in” inspection and a final inspection.
  • Water Tap and Permanent electric
    • Through whoever your utilities are through.
    • From applying for the taps/meters to install this was about 10 days.
    • Make sure you meet with these utility companies before they install so you know where you’ll be running these from the road to your house.
    • Once the tap/permanent electric is done you can run these pipes/conduit to your house
  • Septic Installation
    • This can actually be installed as soon as your basement walls are up and your pipe is through the wall. Again, we did not have city sewer and the wait list for contractors in our area was a YEAR. Seriously. It is based on how wet it is, and for us we picked the wettest year in Ohio.
    • This will need an inspection.
  • Exterior and Interior Insulation
    • Took a couple days to do.
    • This will need to be inspected too. When in doubt get everything inspected.
  • Drywall
    • You have to have insulation and HVAC done. Side note: make sure your HVAC does not run when they are sanding drywall. Trust me.
    • This take about 2 to 3 weeks.
  • Painting and Staining
    • About a week.
  • Doors and Trim
    • About a week.
  • Flooring
    • Again about a week.
  • Kitchen Cabinets, Appliances, and Counter-Tops
    • You want to make sure you are timing this right. Our cabinets came in about 4 weeks too early, which the company who we bought the cabinets from was nice enough to let us store them in their warehouse.
  • Final grading
    • This will typically include some final landscaping and sidewalks.
  • Final Inspection
  • Occupancy Permit
  • House warming party that you invite me to and serve wine at?

YIKES. Are you still with me????? Did your eyes glaze over???? I’ll admit it is a lot. This was by far my least favorite post to write because of how overwhelming it is. Even now I’m afraid I might have missed something. I still think it gives you a good approximate timing of projects and order. And in full disclosure since we aren’t 100% moved into our house (again thank you Ohio weather) I will update this if it changes. If you just want the PDF of this list click here.

If I missed something please let me know!

Family

Useful Parenting Tips.

Sam

Ha! I have zero tips on how to “mom”. Every time I think I might be able to give some useful advice one of my kids (won’t name any names, but it’s always the middle one) gets stuck between the slide and the outside barrier at Chick-Fil-A and despite all my might I cannot remove him and people start to panic and ask if we should call 911. True story.

There are days that I really connect with my kids and I think I have this parenting gig down. I don’t yell or get frustrated easily. I am able to talk them through something and avoid a full blown out tantrum. I cook dinner that doesn’t make them gag. I am able to sort-wash-dry-AND put away the laundry. And when I go to tuck them in at night I read them a bedtime story and pray over them. It’s a sweet, easy going, good day.

Then the next day comes and I send the kids to school only to realize, once already at work, that I forgot to send their winter coats…. which just so happen to be in the back of my car. I also choose that day try a new Pinterest recipe that is gross so an hour later they are begging for a granola bar. Then during bath time my youngest, who refuses to potty train, poops in the bathtub and I lose my cool and force everyone to go to bed at 6 pm just so nothing else can go wrong.

OR maybe you aren’t a mom but you can relate because there are days that you are killing it at your job, the house is super clean, you are able to stay connected with your friends, AND work out. And then there are days that the only thing you are killing it at is killing your house plants.

It’s a balance I guess.

Before I used to think balancing meant having it all. Working and/or volunteering hard at whatever you do- but not too much so that your family is still your #1 priority. Having a clean and organized house- because that helps control the chaos. Cooking meals for your family most nights, but also having fun pizza dinners. Visiting friends and having “me” time, plus going out on date nights once a month even after you’re married…….. you know like all the things people say to do to help make your life better. I thought that was the balance I should be trying to achieve.

Instead the balance I’ve found isn’t this careful juggling act like people say. It’s more like you’re a server and holding up multiple plates with responsibilities heaped on them and a few crash on the floor – but you’re a mom so they were just plastic plates anyway – so you pick them up, check to see if they need washed, and continue on. The balance I have in my life isn’t about how I can hold all the plates up at the same time like I used to think, it’s about knowing which ones you can let crash for a minute. (I think some business books use the juggling analogy and balls dropping- but honestly I can’t say the word balls without blushing. Seriously, I hope that Jesus comes back before I have to have the talk with my kids because I will probably die from blushing that day). Anyways……..

Some of the best advice I’ve ever been given was to know your priorities. As in plural. There are days that my husband gets my attention because maybe he’s struggling with something, then there are days I’m celebrating something my oldest did so the other two kids have to suck it up and tag along. There are weeks that are busy at work and so it takes top priority, and then there are a few minutes here and there that I get to focus on myself. And when I’m focusing on one particular area in my life, I can pretty much guarantee that there are other parts close to falling or already on the ground. I won’t keep them there- but for the time being they aren’t my focus. Each year I get older, I’m a little better at figuring out what my priorities are.

But here’s where I struggle. Although I am getting better about knowing what I can let slide for a minute- it doesn’t make it any easier to actually let it fall to the bottom of my priority list. I hate even thinking that there are times work is more of a priority than my kids. To me that seems like I am saying I value work more. Which couldn’t be further from the truth. I love my work, I really do. As a senior in college I choose to take a class in not-for-profit and governmental accounting because it was so fascinating to me. So the fact that I actually have a career in it is a dream come true. (Listen Linda- accounting can be a dream job, thank you very much). But the love I have for my job is nothing compared to the love I have for my kids.

What I really struggle with and need to get better at is giving myself grace for letting things fall. I’m not entirely sure how to do this, since like I said, this is where I struggle… but I think it lies somewhere in between knowing we have grace and giving it to others.

Just like the grace we don’t deserve that God has given us, there’s nothing we can really do to earn it. We just have to be thankful we have it and accept it. When I know that I’m letting something fall off my plate I think I just have to acknowledge that it isn’t ideal but there’s not much else I can do about it.

And just like the fact that since God has given us grace we are called to also extend that gift to others. I need to let others know that they have grace when they are figuring out their priorities. When someone doesn’t put a top priority on something I think they should have, even if it causes me more work, I think I need to trust that they know their priorities better than I do. I think when we give this type of grace we become a little more aware of the fact we have the same grace.

I’m not sure if you need to know this or not, or if you already knew this, but you are not going to be able to do it all, and do it all well. I hope when those days come that you remember that you are allowed, and encouraged to give yourself grace. And if you see me at Chick-Fil-A trying to get a kid unstuck can you let me know I have grace too?

 

Faith

God is greater than Santa.

Sam

Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:26

You didn’t read that wrong. God is greater than Santa. Although, I also believe he is much greater than Satan too, my kids don’t know much about Satan yet. They do know about Santa in all his red suit glory though. He’s the man who brings them tangible gifts on Christmas morning. He comes down a chimney, he has reindeer, he likes cookies and milk, you know…. Santa. So when my 6 year old and 4 year old declared God was greater than Santa I felt like mom of the year. No, mom of the decade. I could just quit parenting right then because my kids got it. They were able to rationalize that without God there would be no Santa. To you this may not be a big deal but to them it was. They have physically received something from Santa before. They’ve seen the cookies gone on Christmas morning and they’ve even sat on Santa’s lap. However, God is someone they know about, and although I feel His presence and see Him all around, I can’t be sure that my kids fully grasp that. In fact the conversation pretty much took a sharp u-turn after their amazing declaration because the middle child started asking me if God could juggle. So maybe don’t engrave the “mom of the decade” trophy with my name just yet.

My kids do have a tendency to point out my flaws though. You see I am equally parts “God is the most powerful” and then turning around questioning if God can “juggle” or if he can be trusted to protect my kids at school, if I can trust Him with my finances, or questioning Him why bad things happen to good people.

I told you already I had major control issues, but let me introduce you to my other wonderful flaw: I don’t know God enough to know how powerful He is.

Every time I turn around I am limiting God. I view Him through a human lens. For example for me it is sometimes tough to love someone, not judge them but hold them accountable, and stand firm in my beliefs so that I don’t seem lukewarm (Revelations 3:16). So usually I just pick one of those things to concentrate on. It’s too complicated to be ALL the things God asks me to be, so I usually just concentrate on one area and make sure I am being all in all a good person. One of the problems with this mentality is that it means I sometimes forget that God can be all those things. Because I can’t do it I ridiculously assume God can’t do it.

Not only is this probably highly offensive to God but I know this isn’t what God wants. He’s tired of me compartmentalizing Him. He’s probably rolled His eyes at me 100 times saying “Sam are we seriously having this conversation again?”. He’s led me more times than I can count to the perfect verse to calm my soul. He’s taken care of things I didn’t even know I needed taken care of. He’s loved me, nudged me when I’m not being who He created me to be, and He’s had the most consistent character of anyone I’ve ever known. He’s all the things at once, and He’s not just like that with me but with everyone. Yikes. I can barely keep up with 1 husband and 3 kids let alone everyone.

The positive thing is that He’s constantly giving me chances to see how great He is. When tough issues arise that I honestly don’t know which side I’m on, He gently reminds me that I can ask for wisdom. He knows I am not going to understand it all. He knows I will fall short. Oh and He knows I am never going to totally get it. But He wants me to get it.

He wants me to understand Him a little more every day. He knows if I get to know His character more then:

1) I will love Him more- because how couldn’t you? When I discover new things my kids can do it literally makes my heart so full and happy. I love them more day after day. The same is true for God, the more you know Him the more you love Him.

2) If I know what His character is I would know how He would respond. Which would make my life a lot easier.

So how do I get to know Him better? It’s kind of sad to me that I keep forgetting that there is an actual manual for life. I can’t tell you how many times when my kids were babies I would complain to my mom that there was no book that told you how to do it exactly. She’d always laugh and tell me it is because she has yet to see a book about babies written by the expert themselves: the baby. That’s not the case with God. He’s given us a book written by the expert. He’s laid out every single scenario possible and told us what would make our life easier. And because He knew we’d question it, He sent down His son to say “yes, actually it is possible. Maybe not for you but through me it is”.

I can’t promise to always remember what God is capable of. What I can promise myself, and what I would love to encourage you to do also, is to try to know Him a little more each day. Maybe tomorrow we might remember that God is greater than Santa and He can juggle too.

Farmhouse

You did WHAT yourself?

Sam

So I told you in 5+ Ways to Save $ on Building a house that Kyle and I (heavy emphasis on Kyle) did some of the work ourselves. So I wanted to provide you some honest feedback on what worked for us and what didn’t.

I’ll be real (and maybe a bit braggy) Kyle and I rarely fight. It’s not because I’m an amazing person who solves conflict well or never does anything wrong- it is mostly because Kyle hates conflict and is really easy going. Ah– but that was prior to building a house together. I still think we weathered the house building storm well as a couple but if we did fight about anything on the house…… it’s most likely on this list.

  1. Being our own general contractor. The beginning part of building and being your own contractor is hard. Knowing what steps you have to start with and filling out permits are a bit confusing. Thankfully, we found a lot of helpful people at our township and county, plus some friends who had built/build houses for a living. The biggest part is how time consuming it is. Being there for inspections, filling out the permits, scheduling the temporary and permanent electric, etc. I would suggest only doing this if you have some type of flexibility. Kyle saved up all his vacation time and he scheduled things on his lunch hour. Not to mention the time before work and after.
  2. Some land clearing. We bought 8 acres of trees. Tall trees, small trees, dead trees, beautiful trees, just lots and lots of trees. Kyle started cutting up trees for where our driveway and house would be in February 2018. A year later and he is still cutting up trees. Two of our builders’ quotes included tree clearing at about $10K. This is a high price because DISCLAIMER cutting down trees is dangerous. I still lean on the side that this was probably worth doing it ourselves  Kyle doing it (the boys need their mom so I wasn’t cutting up any trees!). We could work at our own pace and the only thing it bothers is that the outside of the house is a little messier than I’d prefer. But for $10K I can handle it looking like a tornado went through. (We also spent money to have a landscaping company clear the undergrowth and cut ATV trails in our woods. This was about $1,500 and well worth it!)
  3. Electric and Plumbing. Well. Here goes. It was nice being married while it lasted. My answer is this is absolutely not worth it. We saved about $2K from our original quote and Kyle spent about 90 hours in total to save that amount. Now here’s the thing, Kyle needed to have a part in our house build. I am not sure if your spouse (or maybe you do too) find worth in having your hands in the actual building of the house, but my husband finds worth in this. He doesn’t care about the paint color or kitchen cabinets, he was about as useless as they came when picking out flooring or tile. But he wanted to run the electric and plumbing and there is value in that. Plus he now knows intimately all the workings of our house. So although my answer still leans towards the not worth it column on this in general, if I wanted to be a great supportive wife I’d tell you that by doing it ourselves we saved some money and the quality can’t be beat.
  4. Fireplace Installation. Kyle did all the framing and installation of the fireplace. This took about 5 hours and saved us $900. One thing I want to make sure I mention here is that for $50 the same place who was going to charge us $900 to install the fireplace came out to inspect my husband’s handiwork. This ensured our warranty was able to be enforced (just in case) and honestly gave us peace of mind. Totally worth it.
  5. Fireplace mantel, hearth, and surround. We are still working on this so I’ll update this post once we are finished with a full report.
  6. Kitchen Cabinet Installation. Between the Builder helping (for free!) and my husband we saved about $2K on installing our kitchen cabinets. I can’t recommend enough to just check with your Builder to see what they would charge to install the cabinets vs. what the company where you buy your cabinets will charge. Like I’ve said before get multiple quotes for everything!
  7. Island knee wall and stove vent hood. This is another thing we are still working on, so TBD. But I’ll let you know that custom shiplap vent hoods are super pricey! Like over a thousand dollars pricey. So I think it’s probably safe to assume this is in the win column for saving money but I’ll update once it is 100% done.
  8. Running Water/Electric to house. So first, a big shout out to our brother-in-law Joe who helped Kyle with this! Along with hiring a friend who owns a mini excavator, Kyle was able to run electric and water from the road to our house for about $1.5K. This took one 8 hour day and was worth it. We’d estimate we saved a few thousand dollars by doing this.
  9. Interior Insulation. We spent $760 on the actual material to reduce the sound in our walls since we have an open concept living area. It took Kyle, his dad, and myself 3 hours to do this one night. We probably saved at least a few hundred $’s and honestly it was some of the most uninterrupted conversation time Kyle and I have had….since….well….. since having the first kid. Well worth it!

There are still some areas of the house we are working on but for the most part this is what we tried to tackle ourselves. If you are going to build (and want to do some of the work yourself) I would sit down beforehand and make sure you have a good estimate on how much time it would take you to do something and if the potential savings is worth it.

Looking back on it we were really happy with the projects we decided to do…… and we are still happily married.

Farmhouse

Who Built Just Another Farmhouse?

Sam

Blah. I am sure you are going to hate seeing this as the opening line to every single one of my posts….. but here it is again…….. this is just who we used to help build our house. You can take this list or leave it. Although, I think they do quality work and I would recommend all of our vendors (which I think is unique for someone whose built a house because boy oh boy have I heard horror stories!) you might not have the same experience as me- or know even better vendors. Also, if you aren’t in the Cincinnati area this is probably a pretty useless post for you to read.

  1. House Plans: Architectural Designs- House Plans
  2. House Plan Modifications (used by AD- House Plans): UO unlimited options, inc.
  3. General Contractor: Tritek, LLC  (even though we didn’t use a General Contractor Joe Speeg was more than helpful at the beginning and answered a ton of questions)
  4. Builder: Ernie Miller (937-515-0894)
  5. Foundation (used by our builder): Mark Edenfield
  6. Electric and Plumbing: Kyle and Kena Willingham (OK so here’s the deal he also goes by Pineapple so if you are from our area and are thinking “who is Kena?” it’s Pineapple’s real name) (513-238-0611)
  7. HVAC: Carney Heating and Cooling
  8. Painting: Adam West (he gave us an amazing quote and we’ve seen his work- unfortunately our Builder had us use his sub-contractor.)
  9. Flooring: RJC Flooring and Construction (513-233-5581, he also gave a great quote and does quality work but we had to use our Builder’s sub-contractor.)
  10. Fireplace: Vonderhaar Fireplace, Stoves and Masonry 
  11. Land Clearing: Libbee’s Landscaping 
  12. Driveway: Foebar Excavating (513-616-9595) & Borcher’s Excavating (513-623-8387)
  13. Kitchen: Kelley Hensley with The V Collective
  14. Septic: Jest Enterprises LLC
  15. Percolation Test (soil test): Clear Creek Environmental
  16. Site Plan: Robert Shannon
  17. Water Tap/Electric Tap: dependent on your area

OK, I think that is the list of the vendors we used. What is not included in this list is the sub-contractors our Builder used for drywall, tile, and flooring. They did great work, we just don’t know their contact information since our Builder sub-contracted it out for us.

Also not included is what all we (aka Kyle) did to help build our house and cut down on cost. Check this out for that list!

Farmhouse

First Things First: Building a House

Sam

I feel obligated to tell you (again) that I am not a professional contractor. My goal of writing these blogs is to help those who think they might want to build or are planning to build. I realized that there is a lot of information out there when it came to building. There are blogs about decorating, picking house plans, what not to forget while building, how to build the house yourself, etc. What each of these have in common is that it is based off our own experiences. So what I think is important to mention is not all inclusive but it is what I’ve found helpful………..

And one thing I asked when starting to build is…… where the heck do you start when you decide you want to build?!

Step 1: Homework.

You do not start with picking out house plans, or even picking out where you want to buy land. No, you start by looking at blogs like this or talking to people who have built and getting a good idea of what it entails to build. I can’t imagine I am the only one, but when we decided to build it was a completely foreign concept. I knew how to buy a house- well let me rephrase- I knew how to look up houses on a real estate website and then ask my realtor to show me a house, and then have her draw up all the contracts to buy the house. Building a house is starting from scratch and is so unique from state to state, county to county, and township to township. It is really important to ask questions to people who have built near you and to make some calls to your township/county to see what they require.

Step 2: More homework.

Hopefully when you did your Step 1 homework you included curriculum about figuring out what it costs to build a house. If not, let me spell it out: You need to know what you can afford, what it costs to build in your area, and you need to talk to your preferred lender to see what all they need.

I like to work backwards to figure out what I can afford. I think budgeting a house payment at 25% of your monthly income is recommended by Dave Ramsey and it has worked for me so far. You need to have a really good idea of what you can afford. Not what the bank says you can afford but truly what you can afford. If you have never done a monthly budget- you need to start.

You need to know what it will cost you to build. This was semi-fun for me. I say semi because I love all things budget but it was also shocking to know what some things cost (curse you beautiful board and batten!). Our first quote we received was from a commercial builder. They had model homes we could tour and gave us a quote and a spec sheet after about two hours. This was amazing for us because now we had a baseline to measure against. When we met with other builders we knew exactly what to ask for and could compare apples to apples. Plus they build a house every other day in our area so they walked us through the timeline for our county. Even though we choose a different builder it was a great experience for us with fact gathering.

Just because we knew what we could afford and we had got quotes within that budget doesn’t mean the bank is on the same page. I also got pre-approved for our construction loan. We did this the same way we got pre-approved for a conventional loan. So we provided W2’s, tax returns, bank statements, etc. It wasn’t until we went to actually apply for the loan that we provided our building contract, house plans, and cost sheets.

Step 3: Oh my land-a.

Another part of your homework will be figuring out where you are building. No matter if you are searching for land, buying in a sub-divided neighborhood, or building on your family’s farm, land is a big part of the equation from a price standpoint. We bought 8 acres of trees (anyone need firewood???), a long narrow plot, no access to public sewer, and no existing driveway. This meant we knew we’d have extensive costs for land clearing, a septic system, and to put a driveway in. We already knew we couldn’t afford to build a house way back in the woods because that meant buying a transformer for electric, running water back to the house, and doubling the cost of our driveway so the narrow plot was OK for us. My point is, when looking for the land you plan to build on make sure you are thinking about how you plan to get utilities to it and what it will cost to make it house ready.

Step 4 : Stop looking for 4 bedroom houses.

Ok, maybe this is too in the weeds of my own build but I swear this was eye opening to me! When we started to look at house plans I kept putting in the desired number of bedrooms. It wasn’t until we started obtaining quotes that I switched my mindset to looking for square feet. If you are building a custom home you can configure it anyway you’d like. I started to be less concerned with how many rooms there were to concentrating more on the structure of the house. Is it open concept, what is the roof pitch, in general where are things laid out? Once I knew what my budget was I knew I couldn’t afford more than 2,500 square feet. We found a three bedroom plan with a formal dining room that we turned into the fourth bedroom we needed.

Step 5: Go on tour.

I think this is an extremely important part of the building process. When Kyle and I first moved in together we lived in a lovely trailer built in the 70’s or 80’s (?). We had a mouse problem, an insulation problem (it was cold in the winter and hot in the summer), and it was an amazing house for the two poor kids we were. We upgraded after about 5 years to a foreclosed house that we loved. It had three bedrooms, no master bath, color-blind previous owners, and a hodge podge of furniture and fixtures. We added three boys to that house and we quickly realized our once forever house was really a 7 year house. What I am trying to say here is that we did not even know what our preferences were when it came to a forever house. We took a list of things we didn’t like about our old house, what we loved about it, and then married it with what was out there. One way we did that was by just seeing what was out there. We toured model homes, asked friends what they loved about their house, or wished they had. We went to home shows. We used a lot of date nights to look at houses and research together to know what we wanted out of our house.

 

As you can see, RESEARCH is the first step when building a house. As you might recall in my 5+ Ways to Save Money When Building a House post I said one way you can save money is by planning well. Doing a lot of research up front will make your build run more smoothly and hopefully save you money.

 

Family

The snake catcher.

Sam

I hate snakes. Like seriously– snakes are terrible. They are cold blooded, which I always associate with being a killer. They climb trees, but they have 0 arms or legs. And how the heck do they swim on top of the water??? Unnatural. They creep along and are mostly camouflaged so you never know when you will be attacked by one. I’ve actually never been attacked by one, but I did have one CRAWL over my bare foot when I was walking in my back yard once- so pretty much the same thing. I like it when people tell me “they are more afraid of you than you are of them”. I disagree. If that snake was afraid of me it wouldn’t have had the nerve to invade my personal space like it did.

I think this stems back to my childhood when my older brother would catch baby snakes and throw them at me. The fear escalated when I would go over to my aunt’s house and her two boys, my cousins, would randomly catch snakes and bring them in her house.

So when God blessed me with not 1 but 3 little boys I had serious post-traumatic flash backs to how the boys in my family couldn’t get enough of the evil creatures.

This  real ugly fear of snakes was something I was determined to not pass down to my boys. At the zoo I finally acknowledged there was a reptile house and even ventured in there from time to time. When a picture of a snake came up in a book we were reading or Wild Kratts showed how Python mothers lay all these eggs and then like the terrible creatures they are abandon them, I hid my gags. My kids quickly caught on though that their mom wasn’t a huge fan of snakes.

Unfortunately, instead of me passing down this particular fear to them, I instead passed down my humor. Because now it was a game. One time the oldest was walking through the zoo and they had a snake you could pet. He slyly looked at me and said “Mom, I want to pet it.” so instead of panic I started grabbing the hand-sanitizer so that I could wash his hands of that filth as soon as he touched it. Then the little snake (the kid, not the actual snake) said “but it’s big. Can you touch it first?” Blah. So like the good mother I pretend to be on Facebook I touched it. Then my own flesh and blood started to walk away. My eyes got so big and I am sure CPS was about to be called when he turned around and said “I changed my mind I don’t want to touch it.” Still to this day he’s not in the will because of this little trick.

Ah, it gets better though. From time to time my middle child will be hiking, playing in a creek, or just having fun outside. Then all of a sudden he’ll make a bee-line for something. 9 out of 10 times he pops up with a little snake in his hands. Yes, I have a snake catcher living in my house.

Isn’t that how life is though? We have a plan, it includes avoiding anything that could cause us to stumble and also takes a hard turn when we encounter something we fear.

Fear is a big motivator for me. At one point in my life I was so fearful of becoming a mom that I told Kyle I didn’t want kids. I felt I wouldn’t be a very good mom (still debatable) and I wasn’t a natural at it like other people I’ve seen. Once I had kids, I became fearful of this world in a way that is hard to explain. I gave up watching the news because of how sad it was, I wouldn’t let my kids go with anyone but a few trusted people and once that even included my own dad because I thought he might get into a car wreck. Because, you know, I’m immune to getting into car accidents.

It also manifested in an ugly way of being over critical of my kids. I’m not joking when I say that I am not a natural mother. From the time I was pregnant to now I am constantly researching all things motherhood, asking people how to parent, and in general just winging it. I’d take lists to my OB of questions I had. But they actually weren’t questions, they were fears. Did I weigh too much to have a healthy pregnancy? I had low iron- so how will that effect the baby? Should I start a gestational diabetic eating plan at 10 weeks- because I might have it? Can you tell if I’ll need a c-section? What can I do now to ensure that I’ll be able to breastfeed?

When I had my son it didn’t get better. Was he making eye contact appropriately? Did he have enough muscle mass? Is he eating enough? Is he hitting milestones like he should? My sister was an early childhood intervention specialist- so you better believe I made her do evaluations on my kid. I was constantly reading to him, making him play developmentally appropriate games, and in all honesty trying to condition him into the perfect child. I think all moms go through this a little bit but I think I might have been taking it to an extreme.

You know why I didn’t want my fear of snakes to pass down to my kids? Because I didn’t want to limit them. I didn’t want a fear of snakes to keep them from enjoying swimming in a pond (which I still will not do to this day). I didn’t want them to not want to go on a hike because they might see a snake. I didn’t want them to miss out on something enjoyable because of fear. It was so easy to identify my fear of snakes. It was harder to realize I had a deep fear of being a mom, or a fear of screwing up my kids. I was turning something amazing like motherhood into something not as enjoyable because of my constant fears of if I was doing it right. The hardest part? I realized I might be pushing those fears on my kids. I was making them anxious. The oldest started biting his nails and you could tell he felt a pressure to behave a certain way. It was my worst fear- I screwed up my kid.

It didn’t happen right away but little by little I gave my fear up. I tried to consciously not let fear dictate my life. How? Well for me, I did it by calling out the fear and prayerfully giving it to God. I also let my kids see me pray about it and talk about it. I wanted them to know that even though I was nervous about something it wasn’t going to stop me from going about my day.

Maybe you too have fear that keeps you from enjoying things like you should. Maybe you’re at the step where you need to identify what that fear might be. What trait do you not want to pass down to your kids? Is it your fear of snakes? Or something more?

little boy with snake
My little snake catcher.

 

Farmhouse

5+ Things Worth the $ When Building

Sam

Since I was working with a limited budget I was mostly concerned with saving money, not spending it while building our house. (if you’re interested in where we saved the most money check this out) However, there are some things (for us at least) that are just worth the money.

I think these fall into a few categories:

  1. Things you can’t do down the road.
  2. Things that you can do down the road,  but let’s be serious you probably won’t.
  3. Things that might add to the bottom line but are worth it.

Things you can’t do later down the road.

There are certain things you can upgrade or do later down the road when building and then there are things that you can’t- or rather if you do it will cost you more than it is worth.

We built an open concept living room, kitchen, and dining room type of house. You know, just like any other modern farmhouse. I don’t regret this at all. There is a con to this type of floor plan though- it is loud. I’m not sure who you live with- but I live with three boys who would be excellent salesmen for earplugs. So for $760 we invested in sound insulation for our interior walls. When you build, you usually only insulate the exterior walls. I am so thankful we went ahead and did this (and when I say we I mean my husband and I used a date night to shove batts of insulation in the walls). However, could you imagine if we got into our house and decided a few years into it that we wanted to do this? We would of had to take off one side of the drywall, put the insulation in, put the drywall back up, and then repaint. Yeah, no thanks. $760 well spent in my opinion. Here are some other structural type changes I’m glad we did:

  1. Interior insulation.
  2. Running gas to our back porch for a grill.
  3. Rough-in plumbing in our basement even though it is unfinished.
  4. Two extra conduit pipes from our attic to basement for future wires (i.e. future security systems or TV setup).
  5. Electric and conduit from where we would mount a TV in the living room to the closet to hide wires.
  6. Bigger garage. My husband’s truck is a crew-cab, long-bed- enough said.
  7. 1st floor master and wheelchair accessible doors and hallways. Just in case- after what we’ve spent we don’t ever plan to move.

Bonus: Our bonus room above our garage was also something we added that increased the price but for us will be needed space eventually. Adding it on now was much cheaper than adding it on in the future.

Things you can do later on, but let’s be serious you won’t.

I’m not sure about you but my house usually has an entire list of things that need to be done that never get done. I keep telling myself we will do it, but let’s be real, when I get home from work the last thing on my mind is home improvements. In fact in our old house we finally painted the hallways…. just to make it look better to sell.

One thing we went ahead and upgraded on that falls in this category is cabinets and counter tops. We could replace them down the road, but it wouldn’t be anytime soon and it would be a lot of work to replace them. If you’re building a house I suggest putting some money into the kitchen. You do not want to upgrade that thing right off the bat.

  1. Kitchen upgrades.
  2. Trim. Trust me- no one replaces trim. If you want wide trim just get it.
  3. Flooring. I know I said you can save money here but make sure you are buying something you won’t just want to replace in a few years. That’s a lot of work.

Bonus: This might be a preference but smooth ceilings is sometimes an upgrade with builders that I personally think it is easier to do now than later.

Things that might add to the bottom line but are worth it.

I really don’t think of this category as “upgrades”. I think of it more as good ideas to remember when building because you’ll probably find them useful……..

  1. Dimmer switches or some USB electric outlets in strategic places.
  2. Extra lights. In front of closets, extra kitchen or bathroom lights, etc.
  3. Extra outlets. In and under cabinets, one where you plan to put your Christmas tree, in the pantry, in the entry way , in closets, floor outlets, outlets in the garage, outlets on the porch, etc. – make sure you have enough outlets.
  4. Tank-less water heater or our preference: an electric heat pump- water heater (in our old house it dropped our electric bill $30 a month!)

Bonus: Alternative heating and air. We installed an outdoor wood burning stove. This helps reduce energy costs in the winter and heats our water too. We also installed an attic fan- this let’s us keep our air conditioner off for at least two weeks extra in the summer.

 

I’ll be honest. I can find a whole list of things that I think were worth my money when it came to building. For example: a pot filler. My boys (husband included) think that pasta is a side dish to every meal, so it was worth it to me. However, I wanted to keep this list as a high-level concept list vs. a “do it exactly how I did it” list. The wonderful thing about building is that YOU get to choose what is too important to compromise. Hopefully this list gave you a framework to think about those things.

 

Family

How to say sorry.

Sam

I love to apologize. I remember getting a letter when I was a kid from a really dear friend of mine that said “I wish you’d stop saying sorry so much”. My first gut reaction was to apologize. I so badly wanted to go up to her and ask her if she was still my friend even though I was annoying.

Sometimes I use the word “sorry” to replace “excuse me”. Like when my kid gets up to use the bathroom during a play and we are in the middle of the row I like to say “Oh, I’m so sorry, can we get past you?”. Sometimes I say sorry in a sarcastic type of way like “I’m so sorry you can’t be bothered to answer my call Kyle- who else could possibly be more important than your WIFE!”. Most of the time though I really am sorry and I like to tell people how sorry I am.

There is probably a lot of insecurity issues and childhood traumas that have led me to being an overly apologetic human being. But of all things I am not sorry about, it is being sorry all the time.

Have any of you experienced a time where someone did something offensive to you and they say the dreaded sentence “well, I’m sorry you took it that way”? Another personal favorite of mine is “I’m sorry but x,y,z happened” aka it’s not my fault.

When I hear things like this it makes me feel as a society that we have become so adverse to showing any signs of weakness or being honest in our failures that we forget there is usually another actual person on the other side that has worth. That is a mouth full of a sentence so let me break it down. When you apologize it is for the benefit of the other person. It is not to show your weakness. If you are saying sorry right, it has nothing to do with your weakness or with your failures and everything to do with making sure the person you are apologizing to still knows they are important, or worthy.

I actually had an example of this that played out today and sorry (lol) that I am being vague but there are people I want to protect. Anyways, I was telling someone that I didn’t receive some information that I should have. I handled it the right way and let the person who didn’t give me the information know they really needed to make sure they let me know in the future and let it go. Within the next hour I had been forwarded an email where in fact they did send me the information. I immediately apologized that I had missed it, and I also went out of my way to let the person I told originally know I actually did receive it. 

Simple right? I wanted to make sure my friend knew I recognized my mistake so that next time it wouldn’t happen. I wanted them to know that I knew they did what they were supposed to and they were worthy. I also didn’t want the other person to think poorly about the friend. Did it make it look like I missed the information the first time and was irresponsible? Probably. Do I think anyone gave it that much thought afterwards? Probably not.

Could you imagine if I didn’t apologize? If that friend continued to think that the other friend didn’t do what I needed, or if the one friend thought I thought they were irresponsible? It would make for some complex relationships.

You see when you say sorry for a simple error it stays like that….. a simple error.

Instead, what I see all the time is when the simple mistakes aren’t dealt with they stop being simple and start to become complex. It starts to become something that festers and gets bigger and bigger and bigger. In our marriages I see it all the time. We let something as simple as not taking out the trash stop being something as simple as just taking out the trash and instead it becomes “you never listen to me” or “you think x,y,z are more important than me”.

With our kids; when they ask us to do something like play a game of UNO and we tell them “after dinner” and then forget, it is simple to say “I’m sorry I forgot, we don’t have time for UNO now but I’ll read you a book”. It is more complex to deal with a child who becomes accustomed to someone always letting them down than to just say sorry and try to do better next time.

Not repeating your mistakes or trying to do better is just as important as saying the actual words “I’m sorry”. We as a society need to do better about linking actions to words. When a child becomes an adult and hasn’t seen their parents actually apologize, something as simple as just saying sorry becomes a more complex issue of a future adult who doesn’t know how to take responsibility for their actions.

Saying sorry also forces you to become vulnerable. I think the world teaches us that being vulnerable equals weakness. Now I’m a Bible believer so I know that our weakness is where God shows up. You might not think that so let me take another approach to this; Vulnerability shows someone that you can be honest and trusted. How much better would this world be if we had more honest and trustworthy people in it? A lot.

Now saying sorry for a simple error vs. saying sorry for something you can’t take back or where you can’t try to better next time because there is no next time, is not called “being sorry”. That’s called asking for grace. That is really different…….. and sorry to say………. a whole other post.