Tag: love

Faith

Extra, Extra

Sam

Last Thanksgiving my friend put out a text message to our small group asking if anyone had a fancy place setting that they could use for a video for church. We all know that the text was meant for one person and one person only… me. Of course, I have holiday place settings around my table that we must move every time we eat because my kids are heathens when eating and I don’t want my place settings to actually be used…. They are just for looks. Duh.

Do I also do matching PJs on Christmas morning? Yes. Family Halloween costumes? You know it. Matching shirts we all wear on vacations? Usually. Did I throw my dog a 1st birthday party? I wanted an excuse to have cake. Elaborate teacher gifts? Look, they deserve the most elaborate gift in the world for dealing with my kids.

I wear makeup most days, curl my hair, and have worn heals to a bonfire.

I have a closet that is full of gifts in case someone springs a party on me last minute and I also have a cabinet in my kitchen just for when I host gatherings.

I have been accused and found guilty of being “extra”.

Most of my friends mean it in a pretty positive light. For example, when one of my best friends needs Christmas trees for a photo session and I happen to have 6 she can borrow. Or when we do a girl’s trip and no one needs to know anything but to be awake at 6 am because I’ve already got our ride to the airport figured out, boarding passes downloaded and a full itinerary planned. No one complains then….

But sometimes, I have a few people (usually who I am not super close to) call me “extra” in a way that is meant to shame me. It is hard to explain… but it is almost like because I find joy (and I would even call it a gifting) in what they would say are superficial things that I am somehow “less than”. Or I am impractical or lack common sense. Or that I care more about the world and looks than people and Jesus.

I don’t think it helps that I have seen sermon after sermon, and a lot of devotionals about how you should be a Mary not a Martha. And no, I am not referring to Martha Stewart…. Although can we just pause to acknowledge that 1) what a coincidence both their names are Martha and 2) what a shame it is that there is an entire generation who probably doesn’t know who Martha Stewart is???? No lie, I was once asked if I could meet two people (dead or alive) who would I choose? And I seriously said Jesus and Martha Stewart….. anyways.

If you aren’t familiar with this particular part of the Bible, here it is:

38 As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. 39 She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. 40 But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

41 “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, 42 but few things are needed—or indeed only one.[a] Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:38-42

First, I’d like to take a pause here and insert my husband’s name into this passage at times for Mary…. I know it is a running joke that right before a party all husband’s find the most absurd thing to “help” with… like cleaning the gutters. My husband has taken it one step further and is now indoctrinating our kids. We were about to host people the other day and my oldest decided that was the perfect time to clean his room… nope, he decided he needed to use the backpack blower to rake leaves.

In all seriousness though I sympathize with Martha in this passage. She’s doing all the work, and she just wants some help. However, the Lord urgently says that Martha isn’t focused on the right thing, but Mary is. (I always choose to think Jesus said it not in a harsh, loud urgent way… but more of a “oh my dear child, listen to me” way).

Anyways, the gist is that Jesus wasn’t going to tell Mary to stop listening to Him in order to help Martha.

In a lot of devotionals and sermons on this passage it is pointed out that we all need to stop worrying about this world, and the to-do lists, and we need to rest in the eternal peace only Jesus can bring. We need to focus on the one thing that is needed. Jesus. Which is 100% true.

However……

Let me point out a few things.

  • Jesus went to MARTHA’S house. Not Mary’s, not their brother Lazarus’ house. Martha’s.

My non-bible school interpretation of this? Jesus was hungry and tired, and he knew Martha could cook and take care of him and his whole gang of friends. Do you know how rare it was that it was Martha’s house during that time? A woman’s house? Rare, friend, rare. Martha made Jesus and his disciples felt so taken care of that they dropped in (somewhat) unannounced. Probably more than once.

  • Martha was loved by Jesus.

In John 11, in another passage Martha’s brother was sick and ended up dying and Jesus took His time to get to them. In the description of the family (Martha, Mary, and Lazarus) it is said “Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus.” (John 11:5). I mean we are all loved by Jesus….. but it’s called out here to show just how close they are. Which means Martha knew God (and His word), loved God and loved His son, Jesus.

  • Jesus never told her to stop hosting or caring for others in her home…. She was told to stop worrying about it.

That might not seem like a big difference but to me it is.

A few years back I had a lot of shame when it came to this. I listened to those sermons and devotions saying, “Be a Mary in a Martha World”. So, I decided I’d try that advice. It was right before a party we were hosting. I remember vowing I was going to be a “Mary” not a “Martha”. I picked up the house a little, made some basic food, and settled in to sit like Mary did. Want to know what happened? My husband straight up panicked and thought I was mad at him because I didn’t give him his pre-party to-do list, my kids asked what activities I had planned, and I didn’t enjoy sitting as much as I thought I would.

My husband likes my to-do list (usually, I mean… as long as a house project isn’t on it), it tells him exactly what to do. In fact, if someone could tell me in detail exactly what to do I think I’d like that too.. anyways…. Also, my kids like when I plan fun traditions and make things special. And yes, they might get embarrassed taking in mini piñatas and nachos to their teachers, but you can bet they ask me what I am doing this year for their teachers.

Turns out I am a Martha.

And that is ok.

Jesus never asked Martha to not be Martha. Jesus saw Martha. Like He really saw her. He knew she was the one He could count on to take care of him. He knew she had an amazing gift for hosting and making people feel welcomed. AND He knows that the kingdom needs that. I mean most Churches have a whole hospitality team to make people feel welcomed and feel taken care of.

Christian’s all have a gift or talent we’ve been entrusted with to further God’s kingdom. Maybe yours is encouraging people, or maybe it is teaching, or helping or maybe it is healing, wisdom, prophecy, faith… there are several guys. And as it turns out in order to reach the MOST people to tell them about Jesus, we need all the gifts.

One person might shut down if you start teaching them right away. They might need to see you helping in action to realize they can trust the God you serve. But another person might need facts and truth, they value wisdom and although they acknowledge emotions, they like taking emotions out of decisions.

Here’s the thing, what Jesus was talking about to Martha… is that she needed to stop worrying about the task and focus on the reason. Not change her task per-se.

This means;

  • You might have to recognize that your need to be “right” or “seen” isn’t near as important as making sure the person comes to know Jesus.
  • You have to recognize when someone else’s gifting might be better in a situation. WE have to work together.
  • You can’t let your gifting be used for the wrong purpose or even “just because”. Your talent is a direct gift from God, use it for Him.
  • If you start to worry and stress about “doing” whatever you think you’re called to do, you need to re-exam if you have your priorities right.

Martha started to use her gift in a way that wasn’t accomplishing what she was meant to use it for. Her purpose was to serve Jesus. She did that usually very well, by serving his physical needs. But her sister is different and Martha can’t push that on her sister.

That’s what Jesus was telling Martha. He was saying; “Martha serve me whole heartedly, like your sister is doing right now.” He didn’t say serve me differently than how you are, just keep the main point the main point. Which is always Jesus.

I am proud to be a Martha. But from time to time, I do need the reminder that my calling is to be a child of God and to lead others to know Jesus, not to just host parties for no reason. However, if you do need a wooden sled to decorate with, themed dinnerware, baby girl shower décor, or just a place to drink fancy coffee from my coffee bar and talk about Jesus… I have that covered.

 

 

 

Faith

Bitter or Better

Sam

Story time…… When I was about 6, my older brother and I were playing at my grandparents’ farm, my cousins could’ve been there, who knows. Anyways, we were playing Survivor. And I got the bright idea to collect these grapes for our “food”. Here’s a few things to note 1) these grapes were not ripe, not even close 2) my grandpa had this grape bush for as long as I could remember but never once did I get to taste a grape from it, did he hoard the grapes for himself? Was he secretly making wine with the grapes? Did birds get the grapes before he could ever get to them? I will never know… all I know is that 3) these grapes were off limits.

So yeah, not the brightest idea I ever had, but alas I plucked these grapes off the bush and added them to our stockpile. Of course my grandpa comes around about that time, looks at the grapes, looks at the bush, looks at me, looks back at the grapes, then me, then the bush, then me, then the grapes…… and well let’s just say I started to think that maybe he’d never had these grapes either and by the look on his face it was one more year he wasn’t going to get to taste them…. because of me……

My grandpa was unique in his discipline at this moment. He decided that my punishment was eating these unripe grapes. I can’t really describe the bitter taste and hard texture…… let’s just say that I have no idea why he cared so much about those grapes.

You might be thinking at this point I am about to go in the direction of talking about self-control, not stealing, or maybe you’re just hung up on whatever happened to that grape bush (spoiler: no clue, they just cut it down one day- probably because the grapes were gross but whose to say)…… but no, I want to talk about the bitterness.

Truth be told, I’ve held a lot of bitterness in my life at times. I try not to stay there, but it is a by-product of being offended.

To illustrate this I am going to use a story from the Bible….. and one you probably aren’t thinking of. I want to talk about Jonah. Yeah, the guy swallowed by the whale, or fish. If you’ve read a kids Bible, this is one of the stories that’s pretty easy to make an illustration about. It’s a guy, who gets swallowed by a large fish that I assume is a whale….. wild story but easy to picture in your mind. If you don’t know the story let me give you some highlights (SC version, aka Sam Cribbet Version)

  • God tells Jonah to preach to this evil town.
  • Jonah nopes the heck out of town and runs very far in the opposite direction across a sea (just as an FYI if I was running from God I would not be anywhere near water… He literally parts the seas, but to each their own)
  • The weather turns terrible and the guys on the boat are like WHAT THE HECK… this isn’t a normal storm so they know someone did something bad.
  • Meanwhile Jonah is like, yeah it was me, I’m gonna take a nap.
  • The guys were like “Jonah get the heck up!”
  • Jonah was like, “yeah this is my fault throw me overboard.”
  • The guys were like, hold up, say what? How about we just row back to shore vs. tossing you over.
  • God was like, nah you can’t get back to shore.
  • So the guys were like, walk the plank Jonah.
  • Then the giant fish eats him and he lives inside it for 3 days.
  • He prays a great prayer, saying sorry for running.
  • The fish throws him up. He does NOT take a shower, at least the Bible doesn’t reference one… gross.
  • Then Jonah goes to the evil city and tells them about God.
  • EVERYONE in the city believes Jonah and starts to love God so God does not destroy the city.

And this is usually where the kid’s version of the Bible stops. We like to talk about how we need to obey what God has called us to do…… however, the book of Jonah does not stop here….

  • Jonah gets angry at God and he’s all like “I KNEW IT! I KNEW that if I told these ungrateful people in this city about God they would change their ways”. Jonah then says (again SC Version) “It isn’t fair! I am going to go pout on this hill over here and I really hope you come through God and punch them in the face”.
  • Then God is like “Seriously?” God gives Jonah a shade plant on the hill because I guess it was hot, and Jonah is thankful, then God makes it wither and die.
  • Then Jonah is like “Ugh I want that plant back”
  • The end.

Confused? Looking for your kid’s Bible right now to see if I am lying? Googling Veggie Tales “Jonah and the Whale”?

Yeah, crazy story right? When I look at this story I think the crazy part is not the dude being swallowed by the whale, or taking a nap in a hurricane… no I think the ending is bizarre…. But I get it. Because I’ve been Jonah a time… or two… or seven.

But God said to Jonah, “Is it right for you to be angry about the plant?” “It is,” he said. “And I’m so angry I wish I were dead.” (Jonah 4:9)

I have been really bitter and angry about things in my past. Things that when I look back at it, I have every right to be angry about. I’ve been lied to, stolen from, taken advantage of, physically abused, mentally abused…. Yeah, I have been pretty angry about my life at times. I’ve uttered the phrase “It isn’t fair” about a dozen times…. THIS WEEK.

Here’s what you have to know though. Here’s what the book of Jonah is teaching us…. As I’ve heard from multiple people this week… “you can stay bitter, or you can get better”.

And that’s the bottom line. You are going to have terrible things happen in this life. A death, a sickness, or even intentional evilness brought upon you. We live in a fallen, broken world, full of fallen, broken people.

And you have two options. 1) you can choose to stay there and blame others and hold unforgiveness in your heart or 2) you can choose to surrender it to God, move on, and start the road to healing and recovery.

God gave Jonah so many chances. He gave him the calling and ability to preach to an entire city (which was supposedly pretty large) and they all listened and turned toward God. It should have been such an amazing story. But here’s the thing, the city Jonah was preaching to? Yeah, it was a city that totally destroyed cities near Jonah. The people of that evil city, probably killed and did worse to people Jonah knew. He hated that city, and for good reasons too.

So instead of seeing God’s goodness, which Jonah knew intimately…. In fact Jonah declared “I knew that you are a gracious and compassionate God, slow to anger and abounding in love, a God who relents from sending calamity.” So Jonah knew, that God would spare the city… but Jonah wasn’t interested in that. No Jonah, wanted human like judgment to fall on his enemy who had made him suffer so much.

I think Christian’s have the hardest time with this. We want a God who fights our battles, who slays our enemies, who holds those who do wrong accountable- which He is and does… but God? God ultimately wants everyone to love Him. So when it comes down to someone who has truly wronged you… do you want what God wants? Do you want them to know God, and not in some “bless your heart” passive-aggressive way, but in a true transformative way? Or do you want them punished?

Let me tell you what God thinks……

He thinks that He gave Jonah the shade plant…. even though Jonah didn’t tend to it, make it grow, provide the soil or water, Jonah did nothing for this tree…. and so why does Jonah have the right to be mad God took it away and let it wither and die? (Jonah 4:10-11)

Still confused?

Let me tell you what God has given you…

God has given you the tree of life, with perfect shade, and rest. It has perfectly ripe fruit with no bitterness, that is available to ANYONE.

He gave you a perfect lamb, a perfect sacrifice, when all you have done is murder, steal, lie, and offend Him time and time again. So when He extends that same grace, the beautiful grace of Jesus’ blood over your sins, to another person… what right do you have to be mad?

The grapes I ate on that afternoon when I was 6 were so very bitter. I can only imagine (and I am still imagining because like I said I don’t think anyone ever ate any of those grapes) that if I would have let go of the bitterness and waited until the grapes were ripe before I picked them, that I would have had a much better experience (or rather my grandpa would’ve picked a different punishment)…. But I digress…

Friends, all I am saying (to me and you) is let go of your bitterness, embrace that the forgiveness you have received is the same that God offers to all, and go on to have an amazing fruitful life.

Family

All you need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt – Charles M. Schulz

Sam

Can I ask an honest post Valentines question? Let’s say you have a daughter, I obviously can’t relate, but hear me out. Let’s say you have this beautiful, precious, daughter….. and it’s Valentine’s Day, or Sweetest Day, or her birthday or her anniversary…… and she calls you up and let’s you know that her husband or boyfriend didn’t get her anything, nor did he say “Happy Anniversary”, “Happy Birthday”, or “Happy (insert holiday here)”. Would you tell her, oh that’s ok because he took care of the kids that one time last week? Or he did the dishes for you, so don’t complain, doing housework is showing he loves you, it’s steady and reliable.

Now take a minute to think even deeper. Maybe you know that daughter of yours has a love language that is acts of service, so maybe him cleaning the house is sufficient. But maybe you got a girl (silently raising hand here) who likes a thoughtful gift here and there. Maybe you got a girl who wants to actually hear the words “I love you”. Maybe you got a needy woman-child (again I am embarrassingly raising my hand here) who wants some flowers, the dishes done, a thoughtful card telling me I am loved, a date night, with a kiss to top it off.

I am not saying I need that every day, but is it OK to want those things for my hypothetical daughter (or myself) a few times a year?

Because let me tell you, I am raising 3 boys, who I have given gifts to, I have showered them with words of love, given them too many hugs and kisses to count, I have served almost their every need so far, and I have smothered them with my presence since the day they were born. And you know who else does? Their dad. You know who else I shower all those things with? Their dad. You know who else showers me with those things? Their dad.

A few days ago, I witnessed a mass hysteria event at Kroger. Not only was every man in Brown County buying flowers but a good portion of them were complaining about doing it. Then I get on good old social media to people hating on Valentine’s Day. Cool. Cool. Cool. You do you.

But, girl, I will go ahead and be excited that despite the “made up holiday” bashing, that my husband cleaned my house and bought me flowers and wrote me a card.

I also had a talk with my boys about what they plan to get their future girlfriends on Valentine’s Day. Their answer was: Starbucks, flowers and to clean her car. Do you think I told them “that’s great! But what you really need to do is help her out every day and encourage and love her every day!”…… nope. Want to know why? Because that is what they should be doing every day anyways, and I tell them that all the time. Not as a gift to her, but because we should ALWAYS be trying to out serve our spouse. (seriously, listen to this message if you have time: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5t2AvOutXBQ )

Guys, I am raising 3 boys who I want to serve their spouse everyday AND shower them with gifts and extra love every once in a while. I won’t apologize for encouraging it.

So shout out to the guys who:

Pick up kids from school

Coach their kids in sports

Do the dishes because their wives hate dirty dish water

Clean up puke

Take kids to the doctor

Schedule kids dentist appointments

Text their wives daily

Let her call them on her way home from work just to talk

Encourage her in her faith

Take her out on dates

Hold her hand in the car

AND

Buy her flowers on a made up holiday.

 

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