I have written this post about 20 times. In my head and heart I think I know what I want to say, but then when I write it….. well it comes off like I am being a judgmental jerk. So please know I am saying this to myself as much as I am putting it out there for others to see.
Sometimes I have mom guilt. Ok, well that’s not a shocker I am pretty sure that all moms have felt an overwhelming feeling of totally screwing it up over the years… but maybe a little more shocking is that sometimes I am glad I have mom guilt.
Seriously.
Every day – whether on Pinterest, Facebook, or the news I read or see things like this:
- 7 Ways to Raise a Mentally Healthy Kid
- (Spoiler alert: you aren’t supposed to yell at them even if you’ve told them to get into the shower six times and instead, they’ve miraculously decided that at that exact moment they’re really interested in homework)
- What Not to Feed Your Kids.
- (If I have to stop feeding them fruit snacks because of the red food dye I am just going to let you know that my ability to get good family photos or go anywhere in public is out the window)
- What Questions to Ask your Kid to Really Connect.
- (FYI “WHAT IS IN YOUR MOUTH?!?!?” isn’t on the list)
- Best House Cleaning Schedule for Working Moms
- (My schedule is “You best tell me you are coming over or expect to see underwear on the floor and pee on the seat”)
- How to Date your Spouse/ How to Date your Kids/How to Date Yourself..
- (I don’t know about you, but I don’t have the money or time to date 5 people.)
But the bottom line is… when I see these articles, I think… well crap – I could do better.
In a world where I have so much information at my fingertips, it is easy to google “how to be a better parent/wife/homemaker/etc.”
And when I see what the suggestions are, or what works for others I can really start to doubt myself. All of my insecurities and fears about how I am failing in these areas of my life bubble up.
Because when I google “How to raise a respectful kid” what I am really trying to google is “I am pretty sure I am failing at raising a good kid because yesterday at his soccer game a little boy on the other team scored on his own goal accidentally and my kid smiled about it and I feel terrible that he got enjoyment out of another kids embarrassing moment and I am not sure how to make him stop being a butthead… maybe it is because he ate fruit snacks with red food dye in them??”
Condemnation, guilt, shame, insecurity- whichever way this shows up in your life, is heavy stuff.
You can read articles on how to be a better mom, wife, friend, or Christian and think things like: I will never measure up, I am not doing enough, I am lacking in every. single. way.
You can let it define you. You can start to identify as the working mom who can’t stay home with her kids, or the mom who yells too much. You can think you will never be the fit mom, the crafty mom, the adventurer mom.
Your guilt can overshadow the purpose of these articles & posts, which in most cases is to offer help.
And most importantly it can also make you distant from God. Because when you doubt yourself in these areas of your life….. you are also doubting God.
Do you think God has those thoughts about you and me? Do you think He thinks “Oh your kids made a bad decision so obviously you are a terrible mom”?
No, He loves you… even when you don’t really love yourself.
Here’s the thing though….. I do think that sometimes God lets articles and posts like “How to connect with your kids” or maybe more accurately for me right now “How to get them to do homework without fighting” pass in front of you for a reason.
I think He wants us to grow. (Ephesians 4:15 Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.)
I think He wants you to come to Him and ask for help on being a better mom. Not out of self-doubt but because you are convicted in your heart to grow.
I like how Steven Furtik says it:
God will convict you in order to change you, but never accuse you in order to shame you.
And that is why I’m sometimes glad for my “mom guilt” or maybe I should call it “mom conviction”. That guilt that is actually a conviction from God to change. That little nudge and push that says that I haven’t been truly giving all I have to God and that I need to mature and grow a little in a particular area of my life.
He won’t tell me I’m a terrible mom/wife/homemaker/employee/boss but I think sometimes He does tell me that I don’t have all the information and that I have more to learn. I think His goal for me in this life is that I love Him and show others how much He loves them. I don’t think I can do that very well if I am not continuing to grow and learn how to love Him better and how to love His people better.
I usually like to end my posts with a witty comment, but today I feel lead to say a prayer. A prayer for all of us who might have some self-doubt or maybe some of us who are wrestling with conviction.
Dear God, I pray that today instead of feeling the overwhelming sense of guilt and self-doubt that this world sometimes hands us, that instead we just come to you God and ask is this an opportunity to grow? God is this from you? Is this an area that I have more to learn about, or is this my insecurities and fears coming through? God, I pray that if it is my fears that you just come and take those. Replace them with the love you have for me. I know YOU can do anything, but God also give me the confidence to do what you have called me to do. Give me the reminder that you have designed me uniquely to parent my particular children, that you have specifically designed me to be a wife to my husband, and that most importantly you have a plan for me and I pray that you use me for your purpose.
In Jesus name, Amen.
