Ha! I have zero tips on how to “mom”. Every time I think I might be able to give some useful advice one of my kids (won’t name any names, but it’s always the middle one) gets stuck between the slide and the outside barrier at Chick-Fil-A and despite all my might I cannot remove him and people start to panic and ask if we should call 911. True story.
There are days that I really connect with my kids and I think I have this parenting gig down. I don’t yell or get frustrated easily. I am able to talk them through something and avoid a full blown out tantrum. I cook dinner that doesn’t make them gag. I am able to sort-wash-dry-AND put away the laundry. And when I go to tuck them in at night I read them a bedtime story and pray over them. It’s a sweet, easy going, good day.
Then the next day comes and I send the kids to school only to realize, once already at work, that I forgot to send their winter coats…. which just so happen to be in the back of my car. I also choose that day try a new Pinterest recipe that is gross so an hour later they are begging for a granola bar. Then during bath time my youngest, who refuses to potty train, poops in the bathtub and I lose my cool and force everyone to go to bed at 6 pm just so nothing else can go wrong.
OR maybe you aren’t a mom but you can relate because there are days that you are killing it at your job, the house is super clean, you are able to stay connected with your friends, AND work out. And then there are days that the only thing you are killing it at is killing your house plants.
It’s a balance I guess.
Before I used to think balancing meant having it all. Working and/or volunteering hard at whatever you do- but not too much so that your family is still your #1 priority. Having a clean and organized house- because that helps control the chaos. Cooking meals for your family most nights, but also having fun pizza dinners. Visiting friends and having “me” time, plus going out on date nights once a month even after you’re married…….. you know like all the things people say to do to help make your life better. I thought that was the balance I should be trying to achieve.
Instead the balance I’ve found isn’t this careful juggling act like people say. It’s more like you’re a server and holding up multiple plates with responsibilities heaped on them and a few crash on the floor – but you’re a mom so they were just plastic plates anyway – so you pick them up, check to see if they need washed, and continue on. The balance I have in my life isn’t about how I can hold all the plates up at the same time like I used to think, it’s about knowing which ones you can let crash for a minute. (I think some business books use the juggling analogy and balls dropping- but honestly I can’t say the word balls without blushing. Seriously, I hope that Jesus comes back before I have to have the talk with my kids because I will probably die from blushing that day). Anyways……..
Some of the best advice I’ve ever been given was to know your priorities. As in plural. There are days that my husband gets my attention because maybe he’s struggling with something, then there are days I’m celebrating something my oldest did so the other two kids have to suck it up and tag along. There are weeks that are busy at work and so it takes top priority, and then there are a few minutes here and there that I get to focus on myself. And when I’m focusing on one particular area in my life, I can pretty much guarantee that there are other parts close to falling or already on the ground. I won’t keep them there- but for the time being they aren’t my focus. Each year I get older, I’m a little better at figuring out what my priorities are.
But here’s where I struggle. Although I am getting better about knowing what I can let slide for a minute- it doesn’t make it any easier to actually let it fall to the bottom of my priority list. I hate even thinking that there are times work is more of a priority than my kids. To me that seems like I am saying I value work more. Which couldn’t be further from the truth. I love my work, I really do. As a senior in college I choose to take a class in not-for-profit and governmental accounting because it was so fascinating to me. So the fact that I actually have a career in it is a dream come true. (Listen Linda- accounting can be a dream job, thank you very much). But the love I have for my job is nothing compared to the love I have for my kids.
What I really struggle with and need to get better at is giving myself grace for letting things fall. I’m not entirely sure how to do this, since like I said, this is where I struggle… but I think it lies somewhere in between knowing we have grace and giving it to others.
Just like the grace we don’t deserve that God has given us, there’s nothing we can really do to earn it. We just have to be thankful we have it and accept it. When I know that I’m letting something fall off my plate I think I just have to acknowledge that it isn’t ideal but there’s not much else I can do about it.
And just like the fact that since God has given us grace we are called to also extend that gift to others. I need to let others know that they have grace when they are figuring out their priorities. When someone doesn’t put a top priority on something I think they should have, even if it causes me more work, I think I need to trust that they know their priorities better than I do. I think when we give this type of grace we become a little more aware of the fact we have the same grace.
I’m not sure if you need to know this or not, or if you already knew this, but you are not going to be able to do it all, and do it all well. I hope when those days come that you remember that you are allowed, and encouraged to give yourself grace. And if you see me at Chick-Fil-A trying to get a kid unstuck can you let me know I have grace too?