Hi friend,
I’ve invited you to small group for a while now. You sometimes ignore my text or call, sometimes you answer me and say maybe, and sometimes you say yes- but we both know you aren’t coming.
You see, I know you have a sweet baby at home. One that is still nursing. One that still needs you and only you to tuck them in. One that you haven’t seen all day because you are at work and miss your baby so much that as soon as you get home you can’t possibly think about leaving them again.
I see how hard you work to give your baby just the right amount of kisses and cuddles. You make sure you’ve read to them each night. You know you only have a small window that they are little and you need to soak up as much time with them as possible.
I know this season of life is tough. I know you are juggling hungry babies, moody toddlers, and independent-think-they-don’t-need-you-anymore little kids. So I know you skip church more than you’d like. You don’t want to impose your child’s tantrums on the nursery volunteer and most Sundays the kids distract you too much to actually get anything out of a sermon.
I was you, I am you.
Oh, how I know how hard it is to get the kids out of the house on time. Some days I swear it is my boys sole objective to see how many times I can tell them to get dressed. Surely they are keeping a tally of the times I yell and they are just trying to see if they can beat their all time record.
I also know time slips by way too fast. I still can’t believe that my oldest is in school. I miss him. I mean I miss him being a baby- reflux and all. I miss his tantrums, although he still has them from time to time, they aren’t quite as sweet as his pouting wails because I broke his granola bar in two.
I understand why you don’t come to small group and I feel you on a gut level of why you avoid church. I know you’ll come when life isn’t so hectic. Or when your baby doesn’t need you as much.
But what I need to tell you is that your baby needs you to go to small group. Those babies need to scream at those nursery volunteers. Ok, maybe that is a stretch but hear me out.
There is going to come a time where you need to know your identity is not defined by your kids. This might manifest because one of your kids does something terrible and you need to know that your kids make their own choices (good and bad) and it does not matter how amazing their upbringing was. They aren’t perfect and mistakes will be made. You need to know that your kids mistakes aren’t all your fault.
There will come a time where you find yourself with more free time than you had before. Maybe it is while sitting at a t-ball practice, but I promise you, you will not always be nursing or rocking a baby to sleep. It is during these times a small whisper will say “now what?”.
You need a tribe of friends to help you navigate these things. They will calm your soul and say sweet things like “I know”. They won’t try to fix you, they’ll just cry with you. Your pain will be their pain, you will share joy and laughter like you’ve never experienced. You’ll learn together how to get through the struggles of life by relying on the truths God laid out for you to follow.
Your kids need to see this. There will be a day when they aren’t guided 100% by you. They’ll be influenced by their friends. They need to know how to pick good friends. They need to see what that looks like. That it isn’t a one sided relationship, that a real friend is your cheerleader and a real friend truly cares about your happiness. They are a friend who holds you accountable– and sometimes that means telling you “that’s not how you’re supposed to act”.
Though church might be hard right now, you need to try. As a mom I know you know this but they aren’t going to stay this little forever. This season of tantrums when you drop them off will slowly fade, they won’t always scream “let me down” while their baby brother is being dedicated in front of the church, and they won’t always make a bee line for the drums on stage. The church needs to see them in all their glory. Sometimes I think it’s because God needs a chuckle that day. But I know it’s also because when you see a child grow up before your eyes, you are more invested in that child. Your child needs people who are looking out for them against this world.
Also, sweet momma, sometimes God repays you for your faithfulness and provides you amazing moments. Moments so tender you think you can’t possibly love any deeper. Moments where your six year old and four year old have discussions in the car about how strong God is and declare loudly that God is better than Santa because without God there would be no Santa. You need those moments.
But I understand why you’re just not quite ready yet. I know you, when God nudges you, you’ll follow. Until then please know I wished you’d join me at church- mostly because I’m tired of it always being my kids who try to blow out the advent candles but also because your kids need you to be there.